Final Fantasy XIII Cast Reviews:
by GKabooz
Summary: FFXIII comes alive as we get the eight of BOTH GAMES! main characters, in a studio to review modern media. Hosted by anybody who past by apparently, from video games to tv shows, all shall be reviewed!
1. Chapter 1: Skyrim

**FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Okay! Let me start by explaining the gimmick here. Our six heroes shall review whatever I have a good knowledge on. For example, I have played Skyrim and understand its play-style (or whatever one might call it) pretty well. The cast shall then answer the host's question about the game. Of course, some liberty had to be made to characters especially Lightning (I don't think she would play Skyrim, but for the sake of fun, she would enjoy it). Any other questions or if you want me to make them review something else, write it down in the reviews! I'll try my best and I hope you enjoy** _**FFXIII Cast Reviews:**_

**SKYRIM**

**Host:** Welcome to the first ever episode of reviews! Our panel of reviewer have been waiting idly by, so now let me introduce them, the saviours of Cocoon! **Lightning Farron**, **Snow Villiers**, **Sazh Katzroy**, **Hope Estheim**, **Oerba Dia Vanille** and last but not least **Oerba Yun Fang**!

-_Round of Applause_-

**Host**: So we are here to review the video game Skyrim. Any first thoughts?

**Snow**: It was good. But why take out hand-to-hand fighting as a main skill? Our fists are like backup weapons too, aren't they?

**Fang**: **Snow** does have a point. I mean back in the day when we were picking flower or what not, we didn't have to bring our weapons. We would have torn through every pest that got attracted to those flowers with our bare hands!

**Vanille**: I could vouch for that!

**Hope**: Wait, isn't the fur you're wearing from an animal that you killed with your bare hands?

**Vanille**: Yep! It took my Binding Rod the day before, so it was either I borrow **Fang's** weapon or go bare handed.

**Sazh**: I just wish the game wasn't so old-school in the weapons department.

**Lightning**: I second that notion!

**Host**: Okay, well you all played the game, right. How do you all find the beginning?

**Lightning**: I couldn't give my Breton pink hair. It is definitely flawed in that concept.

**Hope**: I made a Breton too! I made him use destruction magic like crazy!

**Sazh**: I'm sure people assume I use a Redguard, amirite? Well, sorry to burst your bubbles. I stuck with a wood elf.

-_Everybody cast a questioning look at Sazh_-

**Sazh**: What! They are good at bows, right?

**Snow**: Well, I made a Nord. With an axe. The big one, not the small one that can be held in one hand.

**Vanille**: I made an Orc!

-_Everybody cast a confused look at Vanille_-

**Vanille**: What? I'm not always 'smiles and sunshine' you know.

**Fang**: I chose the Redguard and made her use two swords for double the stabbing!

**Host**: Great! I personally chose Imperial and made him a stealth build.

**Snow**: Stealth? What the hell's that?

**Host**: Um. Being sneaky and going into battle and building up a plan.

**Snow**: Plan? Ha! Heroes never need plans!

**Lightning**: We should move along, unless you want to see Snow act like a child.

**Host**: Oh, okay then. Moving along now. Gameplay-wise how was the game?

**Fang**: Oh it was a hoot! Love the way you can go hunting. Pretty sure I took out at least 200 elks just for fun.

**Sazh**: Damn girl! You're a monster.

**Fang**: Why not? Nobody stopped me.

**Vanille**: I like the graphics a lot and alchemy too! I especially enjoyed picking all the flowers of the side of the road.

**Snow**: An Orc picking flowers? Now that would be a sight to see.

**Vanille**: Hmph! How 'bout you then Mr Nord?

**Snow**: Easy! Just stayed around town helping people!

**Lightning**: Standard Snow-like behaviour. I just rushed through the main quest and other than finding word walls for Storm Call, I have got to admit, it was fun.

**Hope**: I got into trouble a lot with the guards. Flames hit quite a wide arc.

**Sazh**: Hell yeah it does. That's why I stick to firebolt.

**Hope**: I thought you were playing as an archer?

**Sazh**: What's wrong with switching out once in a while? I mean, we switched plenty of times during our journey, right?

**Host**: Correct you are **Sazh**. Alright, next question! Your favourite mission. Go!

**Vanille**: Um… I like collecting stuff. So I like that mission with the Thief Guild where I got that Skeleton Key.

**Hope**: I enjoyed the missions for the College of Winterhold, especially when fighting the Bone Dragon.

**Sazh**: Oh boy. Hated that damn thing. Well, my favourite would be doing those quest issued by the barkeep. I always keep thinking they might give me free drinks or something.

**Fang**: The Companions, hands down. Especially the mission where I turned to a literal **Fang**.

**Snow**: Man, this question is hard. I help everyone, does that count?

**Lightning**: Even the Dremora Lords?

**Snow**: Especially the Dremora Lords! Those guys are just misunderstood!

**Lightning**: So for the Namira quest you actually ate the guy?

**Snow**: Wait, how do you know about that? I thought you rushed through the game?

**Lightning**: I had time to spare.

**Host**: Okay, okay calm down. **Light**, you still haven't told us your favourite mission.

**Fang**: Knowing her, it's probably the missions for the Empire.

**Lightning**: Dark Brotherhood actually.

-_Stunned looks all around_-

**Lightning**: What? I topple a government and killed a king. It appealed to me.

**Host**: Right… So this is the end of Reviews starring the FFXIII Cast. If anybody out they thinks I could have done better, please feel free to write in your reviews! Till next time, I'm your **Host**, signing off.


	2. Chapter 2: Top Gear UK

**Woot! That one had a good vibe to it. On to the next one! I should introduce Top Gear to those who aren't familiar.**

**Three host, tons of cars and of course the Stig. The world's best motoring show as they claim to be, but will the FFXIII Cast love it as well? Remember, come for the cars and stay for the host!**

**Well, that's my summary of Top Gear. In all honesty, do a search on youtube for it first then you come back. Agree or disagree? Never mind, READ ON as the **_**FFXIII Cast Reviews**_**:**

**Top Gear**

**Host**: Great! We are back with the second episode. Hope you all had a lovely week, cause our reviewers just spent their weekend watching Top Gear! So crew, what do you feel about the show?

**Sazh**: Good god! Why did no one tell me Top Gear was awesome!

**Hope**: I agree with **Sazh**! It was good fun when they showed the cars, then out of nowhere they dropped a piano on it!

**Snow**: Wholeheartedly agreed with the guys here. Just wish they reviewed bikes too.

**Host**: Well, that's great! But now, what do the ladies think of it? **Vanille**, want to start off?

**Fang**: I don't think she could.

**Host**: Why not?

**Fang**: She got smitten by one of the host.

**Host**: Which one?

**Vanille**: -_mumbles incoherently_-

**Host**: Whaaa?

**Lightning**: She said Richard. For Etro's sake, dig your ears once in a while will you.

**Host**: What's with here?

**Snow** & **Sazh**: Probably didn't like it.

**Lightning**: What is there to like? 3 grown men who act like **Snow** and reviews things I don't even care about.

**Host**: Wow! Looks like the show touched a nerve somewhere. Right then, Favourite host? Anybody want to start?

-_**Vanille**__ eagerly raises her hands_-

**Host**: Okay, let's start with you.

**Vanille**: Richard Hammond is soooooooooooooooooooo cute, especially at that award ceremony where ate the paper that had the results because Jeremy was being evil by calling a dictatorship so Richard had to save the day!

**Host**: He was in a crash that one time, did you know?

**Vanille**: -_Panic stricken face_- WHAT!

-_Vanille leaves studio to rescue her idol_-

**Host**: Should someone chase after her?

**Fang**: Be my guest. There's a Gran Pulse sheep by the exit anyway, she'll be distracted enough.

**Host**: Sheep?

**Snow**: Oh yeah… that one time, right?

**Fang**: Right. So, back to the topic. I like Jezza, from what I watched, he and I could have been good friends.

**Host**: Could?

**Fang**: Yeah, totally. If only he was a little younger, maybe.

**Sazh**: I prefer him the way he is. Especially his love of the old-school.

**Snow**: He shouts 'POWER' like I shout 'HERO' what's not to love about him?

**Fang**: Ah! Forgot to mention the 'power' part as well. I really like that.

**Hope**: I'm with **Vanille** on Richard. Not that I bend that way, but he is the youngest there, so I can relate to him a lot better.

**Host**: How 'bout you **Light**?

**Lightning**: Do I have too?

**Fang**: **Lightning** is whining? Tell me you recorded that!

**Host**: Umm… we do have everything on tape.

**Lightning**: …

**Snow**: Hehe. She sounded like Squall there.

-_**Snow**__ gets punch in face_-

**Host**: SERCURITY!

-_**INTERMISSION START**_-

-_Next week, we have the crew review FFVII: AC, when __**Lightning**__ professes a crush on someone or did we heard it wrongly? Tune in to find out_!-

-_**INTERMISSION END**_-

**Host**: Right. **Lightning**, who is your favourite host?

-_**Lightning**__ has been given a calming drug. We apologize for any unprovoked threats made by her in this state_-

**Lightning**: James May.

**Host**: Okay. Care to elaborate why?

**Lightning**: He isn't as stupid as the other two. But he dresses stupid too.

**Snow**: Hey, sis! How 'bout me?

**Lightning**: You're a paedophile.

-_**Host**__ looks stunned, __**Sazh**__ looks amused, __**Hope**__ looks disturbed and __**Fang**__ seems to be supressing a dangerous amount of laughter_-

**Snow**: Hey! I am not a paedophile!

**Lightning**: What's in your jacket pocket then?

**Snow**: Umm. Some candy and a couple of gummi behemoths.

**Lightning**: I rest my case. Back to you.

**Host**: 'Kay. Thank you, **Lightning**. Umm… final question. Who is the new Stig?

**Lightning**: **Sazh**?

**Fang**: We couldn't even fit his afro into the ship and you think his head could fit in that helmet!

-_**Fang**__ burst out the studio to refrain from dying of laughter_-

**Hope**: She's coming back right?

**Host**: Umm…

-_**Snow**__ is hiding/crying in the corner, __**Sazh**__ contemplates cutting his afro, Lightning lost focus and resorted to playing with her fingers_-

**Hope**: What did you give her?

**Host**: Actually, we just gave her supplements and told her they were relaxing drugs.

**Hope**: Ahh. Placebo effect, right?

**Host**: Right. And with that folks, ends another episode of FFXIII Cast Reviews! Hope you enjoyed it and good luck to all future endeavours. Till next time, I'm **Host**, take care.

**Alright! That's done now… ON TO ADVENT CHILDREN!**


	3. Chapter 3: Advent Children

**Righto! Here's long and short of this. The cast shall be reviewing FFVII: AC! I apologize for not picking another movie. But this will round up what you're gonna see when I do this. As I've done a game, a show and a movie now, maybe I'll review the Mona Lisa next! That would be weird, but that's why I am who I are! I assume everyone reading this has watched the movie because if not, I'm not writing a summary! The movie confuses me but tickles my fanservice bones! So, I present to you, FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**FFVII: Advent Children**

**Host:** Okay! Welcome back to the studio. First off… I see **Snow** wants to say something.

**Snow**: Uh what? Oh yeah! Did anyone else notice the Cloud guy looks like **Light**?

**Fang**: Oh dear. Here he goes again.

-_**Snow**__ starts spouting incoherent nonsense, we have turned off his mike for now_-

**Host**: Why? What's the problem?

**Sazh**: Oh, he'll be going on and on about some theory on how **Lightning** would reincarnate into Cloud or something.

**Vanille**: It got so bad, that we had to spend a whole extra day just to watch it in peace!

**Hope**: Yeah! And even then we could still hear him.

**Host**: Ahh. Alright, turn on **Snow**'s mike!

-_**Snow**__ is now audible to our listeners_-

**Snow**: -all she got to do is buy hair gel!

**Fang**: He has a good point about the hair though.

**Snow**: See! Amirite or am I Right!

**Sazh**: Oh brother.

**Host**: By the way, why is **Light** so quiet?

**Vanille**: Don't rightly know.

**Host**: Did anyone bother asking?

**Hope**: You obviously have never tried waking **Lightning**. One of the worst thing anybody could try to do.

**Vanille**: Hear, hear!

**Host**: Really? Couldn't be that bad, I mean you guys are alive, right?

**Hope**: -_whispers_- Should we tell him we had magic back then?

**Vanille**: -_whispers_- Nah.

**Lightning**: She looks so familiar.

**Snow**, **Hope**, **Host** & **Vanille**: What?

**Lightning**: That Tifa girl! Why does she seem so familiar?

**Snow**: HO HO! **Light** has a crush!

-_**Snow**__ gets punch in face_-

**Host**: SECURITY!

-_**Lightning**__ punches and knocks out __**Mr Security**_-

**Lightning**: Do you want to forfeit your life?

**Host**: no…

**Lightning**: Good.

-_20 minute break as everyone cools down (or heal up)_-

**Host**: Hi. We are back, reluctantly. -_Audibly starts clearing throat_-

**Lightning**: Get on with it!

**Host**: I'M SO SOWWY!

-_Due to unforeseen circumstances, __**Host**__ was forcibly removed from the building via thrown-out-of-tenth-storey-window. __**Vanille**__ shall take over __**Host**__'s hosting duties_-

**Vanille**: Heya, welcome back to the show!

-_Everybody politely applause_-

**Vanille**: Um… -_fumbles around with cue cards. After realizing she can only read Pulsian and not English, she gives up on using the cards_-

**Vanille**: Ahem. Before the breaks, **Lightning** was having issues wi…

**Lightning**: I don't have issues! It's Tifa who I have a problem with!

**Fang**: No one shouts at my little **Vanille** like that!

-_**Hope**__ & __**Vanille**__ try to hold back the two ladies as they begin to duke it out. __**Snow**__ watches in visible amusement while __**Sazh**__ notices a spot of grime on his sleeve_-

**Sazh**: We just like family ain't we? Gotta stick together ... What the hell am I doing? Talking to a stain on my sleeves. Damn, I miss Choco-fro.

-_We apologize to the viewing public for allowing the censorship board to bypass regulations to allow written violence. We are currently reviewing the regulations once more. In the meantime, you will be please to know that the __**FFXIII Cast**__ have plans to review the following__**; Saints Row: The Third**__, __**The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya**__ and __**The Greatest Country on Earth**__! Additionally__**, Serah Farron**__ shall be joining us! After graduating from Eden University, she'll be bringing in a much needed air of sophistication and elegance in the studio. With that, we bid thee ado_! –

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	4. Chapter 4: Advent Children Part 2

'**Allo all! Sorry for ending the previous chapter so suddenly. Had to plan out what I had to review next, so I apologize if any of you got mad at me ending like that. But I have faith that from now on, I shall not be so half-arsed in my story-telling (unless I run out of ideas, so no promises!) Also, sorry for taking longer than expected (My host was thrown out a window) and I was constantly on the phone to find a suitable personality to be a host and trying to get Serah as a permanent addition to the crew (meaning to say I was trying to understand her character better) but that was no excuse. So enough waiting! I present to you **_**FFXIII**__**Cast**__**Reviews**_**:**

**FFVII: Advent Children**

**Part 2**

**Vanille**: Hello all! I, Vanille shall continue to be your host since **Host** is kinda busy.

**Lightning**: Is he still dead?

**Vanille**: Yup!

**Snow**: Man… to think we knew the guy.

**Sazh**: Yeah. Never told us his real name as well did he?

**Fang**: I thought it was Wallord?

**Snow**: Could that even be counted as a name?

**Vanille**: Heyyyyy! I'm the host remember!

**Fang**: Right, sorry **Vanille**.

**Vanille**: Yay! So guys… who's going first?

**Hope**: Umm… You're supposed to ask a question first.

**Vanille**: Uh…right. So…crew, who your favourite character?

**Snow**: Wow! Actually I have no idea. Who's the happiest guy in that movie?

**Hope**: I think it was Reno and Rude.

**Snow**: Oh yeah! Love them! Can't really see myself as anyone in that movie though.

**Fang**: I like Cid.

**Sazh**: Why? Cause he uses a weapon like yours?

**Fang**: Yeah. But not only that, his surname is HIGHWIND. You can't deny that name isn't badass.

**Hope**: I like Cloud. Not that I bend that way. It's just that despite his anti-social nature, he really seems to care about his friends and the movie reflected that.

**Sazh**: What you talking about?

**Fang**: Aww…**Hope** acts all grown up when he wants too.

**Sazh**: Now you got him all hot-blooded in his head.

**Snow**: Huh, please! I could do better!

_-__**Snow**__ goes into deep thought, __**Fang**__ starts ruffling __**Hope**__'s hair and __**Vanille**__ hasn't been listening since the start-_

**Sazh**: Should be my turn anyway. My favourite would be Vincent Valentine. I mean a three-barrelled pistol? Damn, no wonder it's called Final Fantasy.

_-__**Vanille**__ realize something-_

**Vanille**: Oh! Almost forgot, for the sake of our cast, we watched the English dubbed one. We could neither speak Japanese nor actually read English.

_-__**Fang**__ gets bored of __**Hope**__'s hair-_

**Fang**: That aside, the battle sequence took quite a long time and if I remember correctly, it immediately transition to another one.

**Sazh**: So you saying you don't like action?

**Fang**: No… I'm pointing out that because it didn't really make sense.

**Hope**: Umm… **Fang**. The movie is actually part of a compilation.

**Fang**: So its plot started from somewhere else?

**Hope**: In a way, yeah.

**Fang**: Who the hell thought of that brilliant idea?

**Sazh**: That Company would be Square-Enix.

**Hope**: Can we state that without paying royalties or something?

**Fang**: Nah. This probably falls under the Fair Use Law.

**Sazh**: How you know about laws here?

**Fang**: Why? Feeling inadequate sitting around a smart woman?

**Lightning**: **Host**!

_-__**Sazh**__ almost falls of his chair and __**Vanille**__, __**Fang**__ and __**Hope**__ look up in shock-_

**Lightning**: **Host**?

_-__**Vanille**__ remembers her new position. __**Snow**__ stops breathing while thinking-_

**Vanille**: **Host** isn't here **Light**.

**Lightning**: Oh…thrown out thewindow, right. Anyway, I remember a little bit more about this Tifa girl.

**Fang**: Well? Don't keep us in suspense!

**Lightning**: Right, umm…her full name is Tifa Lockhart. She wore something different…a white singlet and black miniskirt held up by suspenders.

**Vanille**: Really! She's just like me! Except my skirts held by my b…

**Lightning**: Her breasts were big!

_-Everybody but __**Snow**__ fell silent. __**Snow**__ has reached his maximum thinking capacity and __**Lightning**__ forgot that she was on a show, with people.-_

**Lightning**: We were sparring and she stretch something…then she ask me to help mas….

**Snow**: HA HA! I might not be red but purple counts, right?

_-__**Snow**__'s shout bought them all back to reality, __**Sazh**__ and __**Hope**__ volunteered to bring __**Snow**__ to a doctor to check his head. __**Vanille**__ and __**Fang**__ are flustered. __**Lightning**__ was irritated that she was interrupted-_

**Vanille**: Umm…so any comments on the film?

**Fang**: That was so awkward, it's not even funny!

**Vanille**: Uhh…**Light**?

**Lightning**: It was decent. Would have loved it if not for the unrealistic physics.

**Vanille**: Ohh…that's why it was called Final Fantasy. It's about the FINAL superhuman on the planet!

_-__**Lightning**__ and __**Fang**__ initiated simultaneous facepalm-_

**Ahh! Gotta say sorry again. My brain juices aren't working to their full potential these last few days, so I'm afraid I'm calling this kinda subpar. I really can't find anything wrong, but I'm kinda afraid to add more once I'm done. Argh! Really though, if you feel disheartened, push all that hate into me. No worries as well. I guess this ends the first 4 chapters of FFXIII Cast Reviews. I have this weird feeling I'm breaking the law, weird. Till next time then,**

**Vanille**: Ciao!


	5. Chapter 5: Introduction

**Welcome once again to another edition of FFXIII Cast Reviews! Actually for this chapter, I would like to properly introduce Serah Farron as a character. Thinking back to everything, I had realize that Serah might be the smartest cast member of everyone gathered, given her history as a straight A student and written down Serah as a smart character. In all respect, I initially couldn't understand Serah as she was given very little time onscreen to develop as a character for players to relate too. Now, with FFXIII-2 announced, Serah will be given depth and due to that, my rendition of Serah might not be accurate as of the 21 of December 2011. So… onwards as I listen to randomness as the **_**FFXIII Cast Introduce**_**:**

**Serah Farron (& a new Host?)**

? : ...

**Lightning**: Who in Etro's name are you?

?: **Price**. Kipper **Price**.

**Hope**: Why?

**Price**: So people can imagine me taking in a cool British accent.

**Hope**: No, I mean why Kipper?

**Price**: You got something against my mama naming me?

**Hope**: No. Should I?

**Price**: Don't push your luck. I'm part of the SAS, boy.

**Lightning**: Wait. Haven't I thrown you before?

**Price**: Quite the memory you have. To answer your question, yes.

**Hope**: **Host**!

**Lightning**: How'd you survive?

**Price**: Body armour. It stops bullets, gives more health, breaks people's falls and prevents STDs.

_-__**Fang**__ and __**Vanille**__ walk in-_

**Vanille**: Heya! _-Looks around-_ **Snow** and **Sazh** aren't here yet.

**Lightning**: **Snow**'s having trouble with his bike and **Sazh** is picking my sister up.

**Fang**: Trouble with his bike?

**Lightning**: I may have _grazed_ my hand over Nix's _sensitive_ spot and now, Stiria comforting her.

_-__**Vanille**__ notices __**Price**__-_

**Vanille**: Who's he?

**Hope**: it's **Host**!

**Price**: The name is **Price** and if you're not gonna remember that, so help me…

**Fang**: **Price**, huh? You got a pretty weird accent there.

**Price**: Takes one to know one.

**Fang**: I'm in a good mood today, so I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

**Price**: Good.

**Lightning**: Care to actually tell us why you changed your name?

**Hope**: This is gonna be a long show, isn't it?

**Vanille**: Shush! No complains!

**Price**: To answer **Lightning**'s question, you need to know the name **Host** was a pseudonym to enable myself to find out what kind of people you all are.

**Lightning**: Either your plan was amazingly complicated or completely stupid.

**Vanille**: Yeah! You could have just asked us!

**Price**: Couldn't take the risk. International security was at stake.

**Fang**: Was?

**Price**: The UN have granted you International passports and given each of you diplomatic immunity.

**Hope**: Wait… then where are we? Our world or your world?

**Fang**: He's right. Whose world is it? I mean I can see Cocoon if I just look out a window… but you also mention a UN.

**Vanille**: I'm confused.

_-__**Sazh**__ and __**Serah**__ walk in-_

**Serah**: Sis!

**Lightning**: **Serah**!

**Sazh**: What? Nobody misses **Sazh**?

**Hope**: Heh. How was the trip?

**Sazh**: Ehh…so-so.

**Serah**: He's lying. We saw a crash between an F-16 and a flung crash-test dummy.

**Sazh**: And the result was so-so.

_-__**Sazh**__ spots __**Price**__ while __**Serah**__ continues glomping __**Lightning**__-_

**Sazh**: Who's the rag-tag hotshot?

**Price**: **Price**.

**Vanille**: That was weird.

**Hope**: What?

**Vanille**: Nothing.

**Sazh**: **Price**, huh? Where you from?

**Price**: SAS.

**Fang**: Still don't know what that means.

**Serah**: It stands for Special Air Service. They are the elite military force primarily stationed in the UK. They are famous for their heroics during Operation Nimrod.

_-__**Lightning**__, __**Fang**__, __**Hope**__ and __**Sazh**__ appear awestruck at the vast amount of knowledge. __**Vanille**__, who thinks the glomp looks like fun, joins __**Serah**__ in glomping __**Lightning**__-_

**Price**: Yes, she is correct. The siege on the Iranian Embassy propelled us across the world as a force to be reckoned with.

**Lightning**: What's your rank then?

**Price**: Major General.

**Serah**: Ha ah ha ha ha ha ha!

**Price**: …

**Serah**: Sorry, sorry. Thought about otters for a second.

**Fang**: How did 'Major General' go to 'otter'?

**Serah**: 'Major General' as in… (after a long and confusing play on words with twist and turns) …and that's how Mount Everest came to be!

**Sazh**: Did anyone get that?

**Fang**: Nope

**Hope**: -_Shakes his head_-

**Price**: I gave up.

**Lightning**: Tried.

**Vanille**: I did!

**Serah**: Liar!

**Vanille**: -_Tears_ _start_ _building_- Eeeeeepppp. Eeeeepppppp!

**Lightning**: **Serah**! See what you did to **Vanille**! Go apologize!

_-While apologizing, we shift over to __**Snow **__with our __**Cameraman Danza**__-_

**Snow**: GODAMN IT! TALK IN COCOON LANGUAGE! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING FROM THE TEARS YOU'RE SHEDDING! DO YOU WANT MAKE AN ISSUE? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE IT AN ISSUE!

_-We apologize from the bottom of our heart and to __**Cameraman**__**Danza**__'s family, our deepest condolences; he was a good man and will be sorely missed by friends and family. Back to the studio-_

**Sazh**: Why are you drinking tea?

**Serah**: Tea, in common knowledge, comes from Sri Lanka but in actual fact has origins dating back to China roughly in the 2000BC where the tea plant, _Camellia sinensis _originates. Still, people say that Sri Lankan tea holds an appealing aroma that distinguishes itself.

**Fang**, **Hope** and **Sazh**: What?

**Lightning**: That's my little sister for you.

**Vanille**: **Price**! Is it Swi Lancen?

**Price**: My personal favourite.

**Vanille** and **Serah**: I wanna try!

_-Both took a sip from their freshly brewed beverages-_

**Serah**: Ahh. The aroma is truly beyond measure.

**Vanille**: I think the taste needs more something… maybe milk?

**Price**: Do you four want to join us, cause you know what they say "_friends are made over a spot of tea, but enemies are made when you spill another's beer_".

_-__**Fang**__, __**Sazh**__ and __**Hope**__ accept the kind gesture and each is given scones with their cup of tea-_

**Vanille**: It's like a little party!

**Sazh**: Gotta admit, this smells almost soothing.

**Fang**: **Vanille** might be right about the taste though.

**Hope**: Can I have more '_scones'_?

**Lightning**: What are you guys doing? Those might be drugged!

**Price**: Now you've gone and hurt my feelings.

**Serah**: Relax, sis. Tea has numerous health benefits. By the way which is this?

**Price**: Ceylon tea.

**Vanille**: But I want Swee Langkan!

**Serah**: Ceylon is just another name for Sri Lanka.

**Lightning**: Fine. I'll try one.

_-Prepares to take a gulp-_

**Serah**: Sis, no!

**Lightning**: Why?

**Serah**: Sip. Like a lady.

**Lightning**_: -grumbles but takes a sip anyways-_

_-This is our fault. We have allowed tea to enter the building. Future episodes shall not have any tea session to break up the tension-_

**Snow**: STOP CRYING! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I STARTED CRYING! AARRGGHH! YOU ARE MY EIDOLONS! YOU SHOULD BE AWESOME NOT CRYING!

_-We apologize-_

**I guess that's it. Sorry about the tea part near the end. I REALLY ENJOY TEA. Yet I'm not British. Ha! Although this chapter was supposed to introduce, I accidentally reviewed tea and the SAS which really is my bad. Also as you all have realized, we have Serah acting cute and smart! Basically a genius! And a Major General Kipper Price, more of someone for Lightning can talk to easier pretty much. He is not related to any other Price you may know. Next time, we will be going back to proper reviewing! With that, I bid thee farewell till next time!**


	6. Chapter 6: TMOHS

**Hello world, hope you had a good rest and an enjoyable evening (or morning/afternoon). You might have already notice that this chapter is reviewing The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya because I'm still settling Price and Serah in the cast and it might spring up some unforeseen humour. First of course, a summary to those unfamiliar;**

**Haruhi always wanted a surreal world where aliens (Aliens), espers (Psychic People) and time-travellers (Dr Who) exist. What she got was Yuki Nagato, Itsuki Koizumi, Mikuru Asahina and an ordinary boy named Kyon. Everything is normal to her but to Kyon, he just got dragged into a world where Haruhi herself might be at the heart off.**

**Wow, I made a shitty summary! I didn't really do it justice but that kinda thing is what the internet is for. So for now, let me drag you back as the **_**FFXIII Cast Reviews**_**:**

**The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Price**: Right. Before we start, I've got to remind the viewers that since the cast can't exactly read English or speak Japanese, we had them watch the English dub.

**Serah**: 안녕! 사실은했습니다몇 가지 수업을!

**Price**: Apparently, you took a class in the wrong language.

**Serah**: ょろー

**Hope**: What was that?

**Price**: Korean, then Japanese.

**Vanille**: Yeah, it clearly sounded different then Japanese.

**Fang**: You could make it out?

**Price**: Carrying on, we are here revi...

**Sazh**: Anybody seen trench-coat?

**Lightning**: -_Starts drawing on a piece of paper_-

**Serah**: Yeah. Where is he?

_-The door slammed open at that moment and __**Snow**__ burst in-_

**Snow**: Sorry I'm late -Spots **Price** - Who's he?

**Serah**: Long story. Glad you made it in time!

**Snow**: Yeah, Nix was crying for 5 days straight! Made my pants wet.

_-__**Snow's**__ pants has a wet patch at the area. Yeah __**THAT**__ area-_

**Lightning**: Wanna go make yourself scarce before I rip your pants off right here?

**Vanille**: YES!

**Serah**: No!

**Snow**: Nah, I'm good.

_-Takes his seat between __**Serah**__ and __**Fang**__-_

**Fang**: Oww! Watch the feet!

**Snow**: Sorry.

**Price**: As I was saying, we are reviewing The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in English. Any first thoughts?

**Hope**: Yeah. Umm…I don't know if it's just me but I sorta got a strange attraction to Yuki.

**Vanille**: A crush!

**Lightning**: Must be.

**Hope**: What! I mean she has like…um, this…um, like the…ugh.

**Fang**: Aww! Hope has a crush!

**Sazh**: Come on. He's young, leave him alone now.

**Hope**: Thanks, Sazh.

**Serah**: Um…I actually went and took a look at some original episodes and kinda like that one as well. I've got to say, the voices between the English and Japanese voice cast was pretty amazing.

**Snow**: Whatcha mean?

**Serah**: Haruhi in Japanese sounds like Haruhi in English.

**Snow**: Oh! Speaking of which, why are the episodes kinda topsy-turvy.

**Sazh**: Who knows. Yet you get that feeling of being trolled.

**Price**: Trolled, I'll make a note about that. Moving right along, which character do you think suits any of you best?

_-__**Serah**__ raises her hand eagerly-_

**Price**: Yes?

**Serah**: I would be Haruhi, sis would be Yuki, **Vanille** would be Mikuru, **Fang** is Tsuruya, **Hope** would be Kyon, **Sazh** is Taniguchi and **Snow** is Itsuki.

**Lightning**: -mumbles- I wanted to be Haruhi…

**Serah**: What was that?

**Lightning**: Nothing. Um…I thought **Snow** would be Kyon?

**Fang**: Well, **Price** did ask for a suitability test and I think **Serah** might be pretty spot on.

**Vanille**: I'm Mikuru! Whheeee!

**Sazh**: I see your point.

**Snow**: Wait…I'm not the hero! What gives?

**Serah**: Well… you do seem the sort of person that would invade personal space. Sorry.

**Snow**: You know I can't get mad at you. At least I got good hair.

_-Starts hugging each other under the watchful eye of __**Lightning**__-_

**Hope**: Ew.

**Snow**: Hey, you'll be hugging like this too when you find yourself one.

**Price**: God, I need tea.

**Vanille**: Can't. It's ban.

**Price**: Thank you for that insightful update. Okay then, all of you are familiar with the three different factions, right?

**Sazh**: Roughly.

**Fang**: Pretty much.

**Snow**: Yeah.

**Price**: Does anybody support them here?

**Snow**: I support the Integrated Data Sentient Entity!

_-Clearly, everyone is shocked-_

**Serah**: How'd you remember that?

**Snow**: Easy. I remember 1110010.

**Sazh**: What?

**Lightning**: He probably just cussed at us in binary.

**Fang**: Wow. I have nothing to add to that.

**Price**: Can we focus on the question?

**Vanille**: Oh! Umm…I think I would support Itsuki's theory that Haruhi is God. Because it's easy to understand, I guess?

**Hope**: No way. The time-travellers idea of Haruhi being the cause of a time quake is definitely easier to understand.

**Serah**: I agree with **Hope**. It does make more sense.

**Lightning**: I'm afraid I'm with **Vanille**. Itsuki did make a logical point with the Anthropic Principle.

**Serah**: The Anthropic Principle has flaws in itself.

**Sazh**: Sorry to burst your bubble little lady, but he was just using the Principle as an example.

**Fang**: So nobody, other than **Snow** and me, believe that Haruhi might just be the next step in evolution, or at least auto-evolution?

**Snow**: Well, it is kinda hard for the lesser mind to comprehend.

**Lightning**: What the hell happened to the stupid **Snow**?

**Serah**: What? Isn't he like this all the time?

**Sazh**: No.

**Hope**: Never.

**Vanille**: My head hurt.

**Fang**: Maybe…he's an alien himself.

**Price**: Maybe, he acts differently in front of different people.

**Fang**: That would seem a more logical explanation.

**Price**: So, other than the convoluted episode airing, nobody has any other problems?

**Serah**: Umm…not really a complaint, but is there a problem.

**Price**: Which is?

**Serah**: The artist is to damn awesome for his or her own good.

**Fang**: I think that's a compliment.

**Serah**: No. It's a justified complain. I can't think of anyone who can draw that well.

**Lightning**: You mean like this?

_-__**Lightning**__ shows a drawing of Haruhi, that she had been doodling since the start, to the crew-_

**Vanille**: Oh my god! That is so like the anime!

**Serah**: Why didn't you tell me you could draw so well!

**Lightning**: I had to get a hobby back in middle school so, I took up art.

**Fang**: Good gracious **Light**, that is astonishing!

**Sazh**: Wow! That art is very unexpected of you.

**Hope**: That is so cool! Can you draw me like that?

**Snow**: Oh! Got a better idea! Draw yourself like that!

**Price**: Alright everyone settle down. Sargent!

**Lightning**: Yes, Major?

**Price**: Draw yourself a seat.

**Everyone**: …

**Price**: …

**Lightning**: Ugh.

**Ha ha! That ends the Melancholy Review. I love playing around with peoples past and the **_**FFXIII**__**Cast**_** is no exception. But really, Lightning should have something feminine about her, right? Furthermore, I again have to apologize for any facepalm inducing moments (Kyon's trademark, next to "yare yare") and of course the lame joke at the end. So, wait on your bums a while longer as I continue reviewing stuff! But for now, farewell!**


	7. Chapter 7: Saints Row: The Third

**Hello all out there! Thank you for continuing this journey with me (I'm talking philosophically, meaning I can't afford air tickets, fuel or even a bike) I'll begin this chapter with a basic summary of what's going to be reviewed (or at least the best they can);**

**The Saints were always destined to greatness with you around. Faced with new city, new allies and of course new enemies, the ultimate question would be… does my male character look fat in this cocktail dress and high-heels?**

**I'm sorry. It's that kind of game. Onwards as I do this thing I do best, I present to you **_**FFXIII Cast Reviews**_**:**

**Saints Row: The Third**

**Price**: Welcome back. Hope you all had a fun time with the game?

**Vanille**: It was fabulous!

**Fang**: Although a little weird.

**Hope**: I wanna still play it.

**Price**: Since you asked nicely, sure why not.

**Snow**: Me and **Serah** want one too!

**Price**: Fine.

**Serah**: Yay!

**Price**: Any other questions or freebies?

**Sazh**: Do you have some sort of washing machine for sale?

**Price**: Ignoring you, our cast was tasked with playing Saints Row 3 during the weekend. Anybody want to start?

**Lightning**: I'm just glad I can have pink hair.

**Vanille**: Yeah! They even got my hair colour too!

**Fang**: There was something about the choice of voices though.

**Hope**: Voices huh, I chose the angrish one.

**Sazh**: Oh, you mean male voice 3, right? Besides that fact, I had to choose male voice 2. Just to represent.

**Vanille**: I chose the zombie voice!

-Everybody gave her a What-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you look. Yes, even **Fang**-

**Vanille**: It just went "ugh" and "argh"! It was funny!

**Lightning**: But **Fang** is quite right with the voices being weird. I don't know if it's just me, but does female voice 1 sound a little like **Serah** when she's mad?

**Fang**: Now that you mention it, it actually does!

**Snow**: Really? Hey, **Serah**, get mad.

**Serah**: …

**Fang**: Oh my god. **Snow** just sounded like male voice 1.

**Serah**: That might explain why I played it with that voice!

**Lightning**: **Serah**. I forbid you to continue playing that video game.

**Serah**: Then I'll just play Ultimate MVC3 instead.

**Lightning**: Good.

**Sazh**: Wait, doesn't that Nova character sound like him too?

**Lightning**: Don't play that too!

**Serah**: Fine, I'll stick to playing "Catherine" then.

**Hope**: You know, the lead character in that game kinda sounds like **Snow** as well.

**Lightning**: Argh! **Snow**!

**Snow**: What?

**Lightning**: Stop being everywhere! One of you is more than enough!

**Serah**: Then what can I play?

**Lightning**: I don't know? Try that game…what is it called…oh, right. Try Mass Effect instead.

**Snow**: Does it have me?

**Lightning**: No.

**Fang**: Oh ho! This is the moment you visibly get to see **Snow** tear up!

**Serah**: No!

_-__**Serah**__ starts hitting __**Lightning**__ with all she got. That said however, __**Serah**__'s feeble attempts doesn't even render a scratch on __**Lightning**__, who has her __Crystarium completely maxed out__-_

**Lightning**: Stop it.

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: Stop it.

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: Stop it…**Snow**, drag your girlfriend off me.

**Serah**: No!

**Snow**: She said no, with two exclamation point.

**Lightning**: Now is not the time for you to be a good boyfriend or a sarcastic wit. Now get her off.

**Hope**: Why don't we leave her there for the rest of the show? I wanna see how long she can last.

**Fang**: Feeling a little sadistic?

**Serah**: No!

**Sazh**: Does she even know we're talking about her?

**Vanille**: I don't think so.

**Snow**: Someone should test it out.

**Lightning**: **Serah**, do you want to marry **Snow**?

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: Yes!

**Snow**: What? That's just not nice!

**Price**: Weddings are boring.

**Fang**: Oh. You're still here?

**Price**: I never left.

**Vanille**: Are you mad?

**Price**: No, I'm exasperated.

**Hope**: What's "exasperated"?

**Price**: Moving along, anything else about the game you like?

**Sazh**: The ability to dual-wield pistol definitely. Makes me one trigger-happy man and it even helps on those Prof Genki's Super-duper climax or something.

**Hope**: Well for me, it has got to be the "awesome" button. It's actually just a sprint button but it turns the melee moves into something out of…well…something "awesome"!

**Fang**: I easily fell in love with the mayhem missions. Who knew modern technology could make explosions rivalling those of my Bahamut! Oh, and I almost forgot to add something else. I kinda made **Sazh**, gave him a zombie voice and made him run around naked.

**Sazh**: Hey! You just jealous I got a 'fro.

**Price**: Move it along.

**Vanille**: Best part for me would be…umm…maybe…uhh…got it! I like swinging the weird-looking purple bat around! It jiggles because it's happy!

_-__**Snow**__, __**Sazh**__ and __**Hope**__ made faces that clearly show disgust and/or shock. __**Fang**__ is rightfully amused by that fact-_

**Snow**: That is…creepy. Anyway, my favourite part would be hearing me. I mean come on! Who wouldn't like to hear me shout my manly shout!

_-__**Lightning**__ visibly grimaced at the thought. __**Serah**__ is still trying her best to lower her sister's hit points-_

**Lightning**: Mine would be giving my character pink hair.

**Price**: That's it?

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: Of course, listening to my little sister's voice as I made her run over an oversized pink cat.

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: I know. Poor kitty. But he got up, so I punched him in the sack then DDT'ed his pink noggin' into the curb.

**Price**: Thank you for that detailed impression.

**Lightning**: Sorry. It was quite stress relieving.

**Serah**: No!

**Lightning**: Sorry, **Serah**. But it was.

**Price**: I'm afraid our time is up for tonight…or morning…or noon. Nevermind. Join us next time where we review…where's my cue cards?

**Vanille**: Those cue cards?

_-__**Vanille**__ points towards __**Sazh**__'s afro-_

**Price**: What the…You know what, forget it.

**Serah**: No!

**That folks ends the review for Saints Row: The Third. Just to make sure and all, every detail on every line of every sentence was giving an ample amount of time to fit into the review proper. I also have an OCD on correct spelling, so if you all want to know why I have near flawless spelling, blame that. Remember though that good spelling does not equal a good story. Also, keen reader shall notice references on other games being voice by Troy Baker and Laura Bailey (Who voices Snow Villiers and Serah Farron respectively; e.g. UMVC3: Nova and Chun-Li) Of course there would be more examples but for storyline purposes I had to stick to video games. Well, that would be all for this chapter and with that, I bid thee a till next time. Bye bye!**


	8. Chapter 8: Greatest Country?

**Greatness is calling! How are my readers faring? Anyway, I might be a little late for this but Happy New Year everybody! Hope you'll have great success with all your New Year's resolution, eh? So moving on, the cast for today shall take a metaphorical chill pill as they talk about their chosen countries…I guess that's it for the opening. Onwards as the **_**FFXIII Cast Reviews:**_

**The Greatest Country on Earth!**

**Price**: Did everyone enjoy their week?

**Sazh**: Pretty much.

**Fang**: I'm confused here.

**Price**: Why?

**Fang**: There were some kids hanging outside **Lightning**'s house a few weeks back. I think they were chanting something.

**Price**: So?

**Lightning**: I hate kids. No offence, **Hope**.

**Hope**: No problem about it. I admit, sometimes I am whiny.

**Vanille**: On an unrelated topic, I went and played FFX for the weekend…

**Snow**: And?

**Vanille**: I wonder what would happen if Rikku would meet **Light**.

**Lightning**: I don't get it.

**Snow**: Oh ho ho! Rikku is a character in FFX. And she's afraid of **Lightning**.

**Serah**: How could a person be afraid of somebody they have never met? Especially since it's a video game character.

**Price**: I really don't think you're one to speak.

**Serah**: What does that mean?

**Sazh**: Anybody seen my car keys?

**Price**: Everybody slow down! We are here for a review, nothing else!

**Hope**: What are we reviewing anyway?

**Vanille**: Yeah! We weren't given anything to review about!

**Snow**: We just got this piece of paper at the end of the previous review!

**Price**: Can any of you read English?

_-Everybody stays silence, __**Lightning**__ starts fidgeting with her gunblade-_

**Price**: Anybody?

**Serah**: Umm…me?

**Price**: Really?

**Serah**: Yes?

**Price**: …

**Lightning**: Sis.

**Serah**: Yeah. I'm sorry.

**Price**: Ugh. You all were supposed to review the greatest country on earth.

**Fang**: Yours or ours?

**Price**: Mine, if it's possible.

**Lightning**: Shall I start?

**Sazh**: Be my guest.

**Fang**: I'm not ready yet. So, yeah sure.

**Lightning**: Greatest country, huh. Is it according to me?

**Price**: Yes. It was written down in the paper.

**Lightning**: You seem to forget that we aren't from your world, sir.

**Price**: Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. I just don't care.

**Lightning**: How very…open of you.

**Snow**: Heh. She said open.

**Serah**: Heh heh.

**Lightning**: Anyway, I enjoy those pastry filled with those chocolate pastry cream and topped off with icing.

**Vanille**: He asked for a country, **Light**.

**Lightning**: I know. **Price**, which country are those from?

**Price**: If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, that country would be France.

**Lightning**: Then I love France. They have Monaco too, right? Like that place and their art isn't bad either.

**Vanille**: Me next, me next!

**Price**: Go ahead.

**Vanille**: I love…which country has sheep?

**Hope**: Why the mad obsession?

**Vanille**: It's not mad! It's a viable enjoyment and study of the rather plump-looking being.

**Fang**: That was a lot of words to say "looking at fat"

**Vanille**: You're supposed to be on my side!

**Price**: Uhh…country with sheep. That would be New Zealand maybe.

**Vanille**: I wanna go there! How do I get there?

**Sazh**: Let's leave her to ponder that question alone for now shall we.

**Hope**: I agree.

**Serah**: I want to go next!

**Sazh**: Sure. Why the hell not.

**Snow**: Seems like it's "ladies first" night.

**Serah**: Ignore **Snow**. He's jealous just cause I got a kiss on the cheek by sis on my birthday.

**Snow**: I wasn't jealous! I was disappointed.

_-Just imagine everyone with a "WHAT" face-_

**Serah**: Anyway, I love China. Not because of all the tea but because of the long history it has. Actually, I think China and Egypt are neck and neck.

**Price**: Really. What do you know about Egypt?

**Serah**: …It's sandy.

**Sazh**: Ain't it ironic that Bodhum girl here likes countries that have a lot of sand and lots of mountains?

**Hope**: You don't have any idea what you're talking about do you?

**Sazh**: Don't even try to comprehend the amazingness of my words. It's a language only the above thirties would understand.

**Lightning**: Are you calling me old?

**Sazh**: Wait, what? You understood that?

**Lightning**: I ask again. Are you calling me old?

**Sazh**: No.

**Snow**: And that, **Serah**, is why we gave her a moogle-teddy to play with.

**Lightning**: What! Blatant lies! That is a lie!

**Fang**: Then why are denying it so forcefully?

**Lightning**: _-Mutters something incoherent-_

**Serah**: Don't tease sis so much.

**Fang**: Fine.

**Snow**: Okay. Why?

_-__**Snow**__ receives a long history lesson off camera_-

**Price**: Right, who's next?

**Fang**: Oh! Me, me!

**Vanille**: What do think they might be talking about?

**Price**: Can we focus on the topic at hand?

**Fang**: As I was about to begin, my favourite would be Australia.

**Price**: I think I already know, but why Australia?

**Fang**: There are sheep in Australia as well! Can you imagine!

**Vanille**: I wanna go there too!

**Price**: So you want to go there because of sheep, nothing else?

**Fang**: No. Why?

**Price**: Really? No, "crikey" jokes?

**Fang**: Who the hell is "Crikey"?

**Hope**: Can I go next?

**Price**: Sure, knock yourself out.

**Hope**: Yes! My favourite place would be Japan!

**Price**: Why did you choose Japan then?

**Hope**: I guess it's because Japan is every young boy's dream to go there. I mean there are shopping centres there that sell only games or models! It isn't like a damn store either, it's like a 3-storey shopping complex! I got an NES there somewhere during the weekend too!

**Sazh**: Just that?

**Hope**: Well…the girls there are pretty too, kinda.

**Snow**: Now that sounds like the growing kid I know!

**Vanille**: Eww! **Hope** likes girls!

**Serah**: Actually, **Vanille**. That is a good thing.

**Vanille**: Oh?

**Fang**: Did I seriously hear you say "Oh" with a question mark?

**Sazh**: I assume they taught you different things on Pulse?

**Vanille**: Don't "assume"! It makes an "ass out of you and me!"…Hee he. Get it? Ass. You. Me.

**Hope**: Hey, **Fang**.

**Fang**: Umm?

**Hope**: Who taught **Vanille**?

**Fang**: …Actually, I don't rightly know.

**Price**: Moving on!

**Serah**: **Price** looks angry!

**Snow**: Wasn't he always?

**Price**: Maybe you want to speak a little louder?

**Snow**: No, no…sorry.

**Sazh**: That makes me next, right?

**Hope**: Yeah, should be.

**Sazh**: Great. What would be my favourite country?

**Vanille**: You haven't chosen yet?

**Sazh**: Oh! I got one. Brazil!

**Fang**: Bra?

**Price**: Brazil. It's in South America. I take it you enjoyed Rio?

**Sazh**: Girls there know how to treat a man right.

**Serah**: You're horrible.

**Snow**: I wanna go to Rio.

**Serah**: **Snow**!

**Vanille**: Yeah, **Snow**!

**Hope**: I don't get it.

**Price**: Well, you're on next **Snow**.

**Snow**: Umm…right. My favourite country is America! Yeah!

**Lightning**: Asshole.

**Snow**: Oh yeah! Your country's army against mine!

**Lightning**: Bring it! I'll make you pay for bringing up my moogle on-air!

**Snow**: **Serah**! Join me!

**Lightning**: No way! **Serah** will always support me before she supports an oaf like you!

**Serah**: I didn't ask for this.

**Fang**: Just join in then. It's looking like fun!

**Vanille**: Yay! War times!

**Price**: Ugh.

**Goddamn. What a mess I made of this review, I beg my readers forgiveness as well. I have been in a rut for so long! My first case of writers block! Anyway, the next review would be put up when it's ready. Or at least when I'm done with it. Maybe "Whose line" would be next, maybe not because I've been watching "FMP! Fumoffu" so till next time! Dare to dream!**


	9. Chapter 9: Director?

**Ha ha ha! Welcome back to **_**FFXIII Cast Review**_**! Or if you came from chapter 8. Hi, took your time didn't you? Anyway, today's review will be more about me. Yes, yes…call me self-indulgent but hey, I got nothing in my mind right now, so…Also, I might just have a new host at the same time! So forgive me if you happen to get Price's voice down just right in your head. Well, writing a summary about me would be weird so onwards, once again, as the **_**FFXIII Cast Reviews**_**:**

**The Director**

**Serah**: Huh?

**Hope**: What?

**Director**: 'Ello.

**Fang**: Who the hell are you?

**Director**: Your new host.

**Lightning**: You got a weird accent as well.

**Snow**: The **Director** sounds like a Scottish. Heh heh.

**Director**: Yeah. Do you got a problem there?

**Snow**: Not really, but are you just ripping off some tv character or something?

**Director**: Nah. Don't even watch that much.

**Vanille**: Then where's **Price**?

**Director**: We had to let him go. Apparently being a Major General for a counter-terrorist unit is quite a stressful job.

**Lightning**: I blame **Snow**.

**Serah**: I blame you.

**Lightning**: What! Why?

**Serah**: You acted so out of character the other time it was almost tiring to watch you, even for me!

**Lightning**: I did not! **Director**, give me my sword!

_-__**Director**__ request for the gunblade, normally kept out of the studio-_

**Lightning**: See! This is blood!

**Fang**: Who's actually?

**Lightning**: You know that sheep?

**Vanille**: **Sheepy**!

**Hope**: **Sheepy**?

**Sazh**: **Sheepy** the sheep. How…original.

**Fang**: I thought it was dumb at first.

**Snow**: Got any info for sheep for us, **Serah**?

**Serah**: I don't know about Pulse sheep but Earth sheep are tasty.

**Director**: Got to agree there. Got to have some gravy nearby at all times with that.

**Lightning**: Yes…**Sheepy** the sheep's blood on my blade. But now it's dirty.

**Director**: Couldn't you just have shot it?

**Lightning**: …

**Serah**: Exactly my point! My sis would never have an oversight like that!

**Snow**: Yes! I'm not the fool today!

**Sazh**: Actually **Snow**, you put yourself in that position.

**Snow**: Oh.

**Vanille**: Shouldn't we review something?

**Serah**: But what are supposed to review?

**Hope**: We could ask the **Director**.

**Fang**: We should.

_-Everybody starts looking around for __**Director**__-_

**Sazh**: Where is that **Director** person?

**Studio** **Team**: _-The __**Director**__ will be back, with a gun-_

**Hope**: What!

**Lightning**: I wonder what gun the **Director** will bring.

**Sazh**: Me too.

**Fang**: I agree.

**Snow**: I wonder what it shoots out.

**Vanille**: Will it go boom?

**Serah**: I just hope it's a gun with significant history.

**Hope**: What! You people are crazy! The **Director** is bringing a gun! A gun!

**Snow**: What's wrong? You never spoke up against **Light**'s or **Sazh**'s weapons.

**Hope**: That was at an appropriate time! **Director** is bringing a gun to a show!

**Sazh**: So?

**Vanille**: Are you scared because of the time **Snow** shove a gun in your face?

**Serah**: You shove a gun in a kid's face?

**Snow**: We were saving you?

**Serah**: Ugh…I can't tell you how unethical that is. After this is done, you and I will be having a long talk about this.

**Fang**: Anyway, **Hope**. **Director** looks smart, so it shouldn't end badly.

**Hope**: You better be right or else I'll be staying with you tonight.

**Fang**: What's that supposed to mean?

**Sazh**: I have no idea.

**Hope**: Heh. Thought it sounded good as a threat.

**Lightning**: What's the background of **Director** anyway?

**Snow**: Yeah, at least we knew **Price** was from sas!

**Serah**: SAS, **Snow**. Spell it out.

**Vanille**: Do you think of cookies sometimes?

**Lightning**: Why are you asking me!

**Vanille**: Your straps are the colour of biscuits.

**Fang**: What?

_-__**Vanille**__ jumps on __**Lightning**__, hoping to get a bite out of one of the straps-_

**Lightning**: Get off me!

**Vanille**: No! I must taste it!

**Snow**: What the!

_-__**Snow**__ and __**Fang**__ try to separate the pair who are trashing about on the floor-_

**Serah**: When will **Director** come back?

**Sazh**: I don't know.

**Hope**: Should I call him?

_-__**Vanille**__ managed to get her teeth onto one of the straps on __**Lightning**__'s chest, while __**Fang**__ accidently managed to put herself between the two around the stomach area. __**Snow**__ gave up and started to watch the unfolding spectacle-_

**Snow**: Whew! I'm hungry for some pretzel now for some strange reason.

**Serah**: I'll make some later, okay?

_-__**Director**__ comes bursting in-_

**Director**: I'm back! -_Spots the fight on the floor, then looks up to the rest_- What I miss?

**Sazh**: You mean the uninteresting sight?

**Hope**: Happens a lot on Pulse.

**Director**: What?

**Snow**: On Pulse, the girls preferred to travel together. This happens at least twice a day.

**Sazh**: Yeah. Of course, we just watch from a safe distance.

**Snow**: We just kept watch in case something develops.

**Hope**: **Light** keeps winning though.

**Lightning**: Get your butt out of my face, **Fang**!

**Fang**: It's either that or **Vanille** eats your shirt off!

**Director**: You know, it strangely satisfying to see this.

**Snow**: I know, right!

**Serah**: How long would it last anyway?

**Hope**: Seeing as we're not on Pulse, I think it might last quite a long time.

**Serah**: How long exactly?

**Hope**: There aren't any enemies nearby to shift their focus.

**Sazh**: Which means it'll last until they see a threat.

**Serah**: Oh god!

**Snow**: Don't worry about it!

**Serah**: They have to stop!

**Sazh**: Now?

**Serah**: Now!

**Hope**: Alright then, anybody got a plan?

_-__**Sazh**__, __**Serah**__ and __**Hope**__ start thinking, __**Snow**__ and __**Director**__ continue watching the girls going from one side of the room to the other side, Until…-_

**Serah**: Sis! **Director** bought a gun to kill me!

**Lightning**: What!

**Vanille**: Waht!

**Fang**: We should beat him up!

**Director**: Huh?

_-__**Director**__ get thrown out of the window-_

**Serah**: Umm…

**Lightning**: Did the **Director** hurt you?

**Vanille**: Hey! The **Director** dropped this.

**Sazh**: Looks like a gun.

**Fang**: The **Director**'s gun?

**Snow**: The **Director**'s gun.

**Hope**: It looks smaller than yours, **Sazh**.

**Serah**: Anyway, the **Director** seems to out of it for now. Should we review this for next time?

**Fang**: Might as well.

**Sazh**: But what model is it?

**Vanille**: We can find out! It'll be fun!

**Hope**: You think dirt is fun.

**Vanille**: **Hope** doesn't seem to be into it.

**Lightning**: **Serah**! Why do you smell like chocolate-chip cookies?

**Vanille**: Cookies!

**Ha! That was nothing like a review! And I got toss out the window. As you can tell, we'll be finding out what model gun Director was using! So till then, brush your teeth wash your armpits and go to bed early!**


	10. Chapter 10: Director's Gun

**Well, let us start straight away as I come back from the dead as the "now host" Director to interview and talk as the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**The Director's Gun**

**Lightning**: What the hell?

**Director**: You're lucky that you're good-looking. I would have you fired if you weren't.

**Hope**: How are you alive?

**Director**: I have **Price** to thank for that.

**Serah**: So how 'did' you survive?

**Director**: Honestly, body armour. It stops bullets, gives more health, breaks people's falls and prevents STDs or so I'm told.

**Fang**: Body armour? Like those Kevlar things?

**Snow**: Is Kevlar a trademarked word or something?

**Director**: I have no idea.

**Snow**: Hmm._ -Goes off to check the internet-_

**Hope**: Say, since you're alive and well, we kinda took the liberty to choose what we need to review.

**Director**: I know, I heard.

**Vanille**: So, it's okay with you?

**Director**: Sure, why not.

**Fang**: Great then! I'll start!

**Serah**: Wait, wait!

**Fang**: What?

**Serah**: I wanna take a picture!

**Director**: Now?

**Lightning**: Why her?

**Serah**: Don't be jealous, sis.

**Lightning**: I'm not jealous, I'm concerned.

**Serah**: Right…

**Fang**: Well, I am pretty sexy. Don't you think so, **Hope**?

_-__**Fang**__ starts posing in a rather "not subtle" manner in front of __**Hope**__-_

**Hope**: Hap…pho…waah.

**Fang**: Hah! He's speechless!

**Serah**: Got it!

**Sazh**: Can I take a peek?

**Vanille**: Me too!

**Serah**: Here.

_-__**Serah**__ shows the shot of __**Fang**__ and __**Hope**__ to __**Sazh**__ and __**Vanille**__-_

**Sazh**: Ha ha ha ha ha! Look at the kid's face!

**Vanille**: He looks confused! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

_-__**Light**__ and __**Director**__ sneak a peek at the picture-_

**Lightning**: Pffmmp!

**Director**: **Fang** looks good when she smiles.

**Fang**: My cheeky grin or my tender smile?

**Director**: The tender one. The cheeky one kind of put me on the defence.

**Fang**: Fair enough.

**Lightning**: I don't like either.

**Fang**: You're just jealous that you can't smile.

**Lightning**: I can. I just choose not to.

**Fang**: Prove it.

_-__**Lightning**__ cracks a smile-_

**Director**: Wow!

_-The world starts imploding within itself, launching all dimensions and timelines into an unstable loop causing all manner of life to interact with one another resulting in the past, present and future colliding and creating the next Big Bang-_

_-Just Kidding-_

**Director**: What a waste of space.

**Snow**: Huh?

**Sazh**: how goes the search?

**Snow**: Not good.

_-__**Vanille**__ sneak behind __**Snow**__ to see what he was doing-_

**Vanille**: He's playing Solitaire.

**Snow**: What! How you get here?

**Vanille**: Imma ninja!

**Serah**: In bright orange?

**Vanille**: That "Natto" guy can do it, why can't I?

**Snow**: Shoo shoo.

_-__**Vanille**__ fights back with the 'questioning head-tilt' __maneuver__-_

**Snow**: Wha?

**Serah**: Nobody steals my 'cute' like that!

_-__**Serah**__ counters with the 'pouting puppy-dog eyes' maneuver-_

**Hope**: What's happening?

**Sazh**: You're alive?

**Hope**: Yeah…blank out for…how long?

**Lightning**: Not long enough.

_-The battle of adorable faces continues-_

**Fang**: **Light**. Not gonna stop this?

**Director**: No wait! This makes great TV!

**Hope**: …

**Lightning**: …

**Fang**: …

**Sazh**: We're not on TV.

**Director**: What?

**Lightning**: We're not on TV.

**Director**: Then why the hell did I dress up for?

**Fang**: Decency?

**Hope**: Common-sense?

**Sazh**: A date later?

**Lightning**: Because if you didn't, you would be thrown out this building?

**Director**: Wrong! It's because I like looking pretty.

_-Everybody gives the __**Director**__ the 'WTH' stare-_

**Director**: Why so serious?

**Snow**: Hey, **Light**! Look what I found on the internet!

**Director**: When did we get a computer in here?

**Lightning**: Shut up, **Director**. What is it, **Snow**?

**Snow**: I found Facebook!

**Sazh**: A book with a face?

**Snow**: Not exactly.

**Hope**: Then?

**Snow**: It looks like a social gathering site.

**Director**: Kids these days with their Facetube and their Youbook.

**Fang**: Exactly, when I was younger, we would meet each other face-to-face.

**Hope**: **Fang**, I've been meaning to ask but, how old are you?

**Fang**: Twenty-one

**Lightning**: You're my age.

**Fang**: All that travelling didn't really let us know one another well, did it?

**Sazh**: Damn. I'm too old for this.

**Lightning**: Old man's rambling.

**Fang**: So we're the same age, huh? Still looks like I'm a size or two bigger than you though.

**Lightning**: You're just wearing a push-up.

**Fang**: We didn't have that in our time. You, on the other hand.

**Lightning**: I'm not wearing one.

_-__**Director**__ and __**Sazh**__ look at each other and mentally became linked, or something -_

**Sazh**: How would we know?

**Director**: Yes. **Sazh** is right. Let us be the judge of that.

**Hope**: Huh? What are you guys talking about?

-**Director** gets toss out the window-

-Again-

**Lightning**: Would you like to be next?

**Sazh**: No ma'am.

**Lightning**: Are you gonna mess with me again?

**Sazh**: No, never ever.

**Fang**: Gee, **Light**. Throwing punches, I understand. Throwing the host out the window, not so much.

**Lightning**: Then they shouldn't have put a window there.

**Hope**: You would prefer a wall?

**Lightning**: …Yes.

_-Guess what __**Serah**__ and __**Vanille**__ are doing! And the first three don't count-_

**Snow**: Hey!

**Sazh**: What?

**Snow**: What's a zombie?

**Lightning**: Why would you want to know?

**Snow**: Cause there's this game called Resident Evil that sounds cool.

**Fang**: Resident Evil?

**Snow**: Yeah. There's a girl name Claire here too.

**Lightning**: Really? So my name's not really as rare as I thought it would be.

**Sazh**: Why? Did you want another name?

**Lightning**: Kinda actually. Something along the lines of Misty or Cassandra.

**Fang**: Can't really imagine that. But how about Lulu?

**Hope**: Ooh ooh! How's Rinoa as a name!

**Sazh**: I think Marlene would work fine. Marlene Farron. Really rolls of the tongue easy.

**Fang**: Oh please, that's barely a name.

**Hope**: Um…guys.

**Lightning**: What?

**Hope**: Weren't we supposed to review something?

**Fang**: I think so.

**Lightning**: Me too.

**Sazh**: But what were we suppose to review?

**Hope**: You're guess is as good as mine.

**Ha ha! Really at this point, I sincerely cannot recall what I was supposed to be reviewing so I'll be leaving this bottom part largely unedited as I scroll up now…well, it has something to do with a gun, although I have no idea how I came to review that peculiar object. Hold on, I'll scroll up further…Okay, got it. I was dumb. **

**(Fun fact: Don't call me a lesbian…I'm a guy. Why did I put that down?)**


	11. Chapter 11: Resident Evil 2

**Hello, boys and girls! FFXIII-2 demo came out and I'm going to try it! But I'm gonna stick too reviewing for you. But before continuing, I would like to thank a few selected individual:**

**0erbaDiaVanille** (For being the first person who reviewed this and the reason the Advent Children chapter was hosted by Vanille for a time)

**Light27** (For making me feel not at all alien for liking Final Fantasy XIII and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. For Haruhiism!)

**Paul** (For a man with any other name is still a man, or in this case goes by the name Paul and calling out BS on look-a-likes)

**HBHound** (For enjoying video games as much as me and reviewing twice at video games chapters no less. Clearly, you also love Mass Effect)

**CrescendoMan** (For informing me about the retcon magic-thingy and telling it as it is. Also, high-five for beginning your review with "Pretty amusing"!)

**Golden** **Fisted** **Spartan** (For simply having a badass name and a seal as your profile pic. Addressing your sister as well, hope you both enjoy FFXIII!)

**Aeon3valefore** (For reviewing twice, going XD twice and posting the reviews back-to-back. Truly, you must be stalking me)

**Riku's** **Girlfriend**-**Saphira** (Of course I wouldn't leave out my amazingly wonderful Beta Reader for agreeing to enjoy this work of mine. I actually made a pie. Forgot I couldn't sent it over the internet. P.S – I know you made the first back-to-back comment but** Aeon3valefore** had nothing else going for him/her)

Arguably, I'm missing out several people who 'favourite' this but did not review. Don't worry though, I don't hate.

**Anyway, let's begin this FFXIII Review with a little summary:**

_**Follow Leon Kennedy (a rookie cop late for his first assignment as a new member of the Raccoon City Police Department) and Claire Redfield (the younger sister of Chris Redfield that came looking for her brother, who has vanished without a trace). When the two arrive in Raccoon City, they find that the T-Virus didn't die in the mansion (RE1) — the entire town has been infected, leaving what few survivors remain living in utter chaos. Leon and Claire band together to fight their way through the monster-infested city.**_

**How did I manage a rather decent summary? Copy and paste, courtesy of TV Tropes. Right then, let's start this **_**FFXIII Cast Review**_**:**

Resident Evil 2

**Hope**: Hey, **Director**.

**Director**: Yeah.

**Hope**: Why are we reviewing 2 instead of 1 first?

**Director**: Simply because it's more exploitable.

**Serah**: How is it more exploitable?

**Director**: You'll see. Anyway…I guess most of you felt awkward playing RE2?

**Snow**: What the hell was up with the controls! It was just weird!

**Sazh**: Yeah! Together with that conserving ammo part, do I look like conserve anything?

**Hope**: …

**Vanille**: …

**Sazh**: No. No is the answer!

**Hope**: Actually, I knew about the game a few weeks back and heard about this kinda control. Generally, it's pretty much for the hardcore.

**Fang**: Puts us to shame when the youngest acts the oldest.

**Vanille**: And besides, what do expect from a game made in 1998.

**Sazh**: Humiliates us when the most childish acts the most mature.

**Snow**: So this is one of those ancient games.

**Director**: Yes and no. There are older games than this one.

**Fang**: You're talking about Resident Evil 1, right.

**Director**: No, even older.

**Lightning**: Did anyone manage to actually finish this?

_-__**Director**__ slowly lift his hand-_

**Lightning**: Other than **Director**.

-**Director** slowly puts down his hand-

**Lightning**: This is my point, the game is too hard!

**Director**: But you all started, right?

_-A vague nod/shrug was given by everyone-_

**Director**: Right then, let's begin…Which of the two character did you start with?

**Snow**: The hero obviously, Leon.

**Serah**: My sis, Claire.

**Sazh**: I picked Leon as well. To represent.

**Hope**: I went with Claire.

**Serah**: Why?

**Hope**: -Mumbles-

**Serah**: What?

**Lightning**: He said something about 'being cute'.

_-Obviously, __**Hope**__ starts blushing-_

**Snow**: Why don't you wear something like that, **Light**?

**Vanille**: Actually, if you manage a peek up her skirt, she's wearing the exact same thing.

**Fang**: Really? Can I take a look?

**Lightning**: No! Especially not you!

**Fang**: Come on, you showed me your breast before.

**Lightning**: I showed you my L'cie brand…what the hell, you looked at my breast!

**Fang**: It was there! If you had pushed it aside maybe…

**Lightning**: It's my breast! How was I supposed to move it aside!

**Serah**: Cover the nipples maybe?

**Director**: Right… at that, who did you choose, **Vanille**.

**Vanille**: It was kinda hard to choose. But I stuck to Claire. Sorry, **Light**.

**Fang**: I chose Leon cause he wears blue.

**Lightning**: It's kinda stupid to base your choice of character on a colour.

**Fang**: Well then miss "Favourite-colour-is-pink". Who did you choose?

**Lightning**: Claire.

**Fang**: Assumptions are fun!

**Director**: A lot of things are fun. Assumptions are not one of them.

**Fang**: Party-pooper.

**Director**: Moving on, some of you voiced your concern on the controls. Is there anything you might have added to make it better?

**Sazh**: Ammos galore.

**Director**: I'll introduce you to DMC3.

**Snow**: Make melee an option!

**Director**: You should try RE5.

**Fang**: Better looking Leon!

**Director**: RE4 for you.

**Hope**: All this hatred for a game that's already wonderful by itself if you just look beyond the graphics and the gameplay is just right for a survival-horror game.

**Serah**: Yeah. But really, maybe a touch up on the graphics would be nice.

**Lightning**: I would love to have no more comments about me.

**Vanille**: I want it to be easier to play.

**Director**: Wait. You guys didn't play the dualshock version?

**Hope**: There's another version?

**Director**: Yep. It adds a new, easier mode that has the mac-11 sub-machine gun with infinite ammo right at the start.

**Sazh**: Hey. Why didn't we play that?

**Director**: Didn't we give you that version?

**Snow**: I accidently broke the disc.

**Director**: What! That was mine! Personally mine!

**Fang**: How'd we get this one then?

**Hope**: I went to Japan.

**Serah**: Without us knowing? I'm impressed.

**Lightning**: **Snow**'s an idiot though.

**Vanille**: Yeah! An idiot!

**Director**: My disc. _-sob-_

_-__**Lightning**__ goes off to comfort __**Director**__-_

**Lightning**: There, there. **Snow** is really an idiot, we all agree.

**Sazh**: Why are you, of all people, comforting him?

**Lightning**: I threw him out the window twice, this is to make up for it.

**Serah**: Aww. I wanna comfort him too!

**Lightning**: No, he's my problem.

**Sazh**: Can I help too then?

**Lightning**: No! If I don't redeem myself no one can!

_-__**Director**__ throws himself out the window-_

**Snow**: **Light**…you're terrible as a comforter.

**Fang**: I wonder if he's wearing body armour today.

**Vanille**: So we get to keep this disc?

**Hope**: I guess so. I mean it is mine, right?

**Vanille**: Yes! Maybe I can complete it!

**Sazh**: What now?

**Snow**: Hey, **Serah**.

**Serah**: Yeah?

**Snow**: Can I have pancakes tomorrow?

**Serah**: Sure, why not. I wonder if **Noel** would like some.

**Snow**: That punk kid waiting outside?

**Fang**: While we're on that, why does he have the same colour scheme as me?

**Sazh**: Your son?

**Fang**: You will die for that assumption!

**Hope**: Wow. Assumptions really are not fun.

**Fang**: Relax, I'm just kidding.

**Sazh**: Right…I'll be watching myself from now on. Just in case.

**Vanille**: So what can we do without **Director**?

**Serah**: I'll be going if no one needs me.

**Snow**: I'll come too.

_-They disappear from the sight of the rest-_

**Lightning**: I'll go too. Got to make sure nothing happens to **Serah**.

**Hope**: I want to follow!

**Lightning**: Ugh. Fine, but be quiet.

_-They both disappear after __**Serah**__ and __**Snow**__-_

**Fang**: I wanna find this '**Noel**' kid.

**Vanille**: I wanna see!

**Sazh**: Can I watch?

**Fang**: Sure, the more the merrier right.

_-The trio set their paradigm and head off-_

**Studio** **Team**: _-Guys? Hey, guys? You all know you have several more lines left to feel this quota, right? Guys?-_

-_Silence_-

**Studio** **Team**: _-Ahh, screw this job.-_

**What am I to say? I hope you all like this because I had something else on my mind any didn't really do my best for this review. Eh, this just tells me I still got lots of planning to work out. So till next time, enjoy life. It really is short.**


	12. Chapter 12: Tetris

**Speaking of shorts (Read author's note at the end of previous chapter if you don't understand), here's another as FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Tetris**

**Director**: Welco…where is everyone?

**Studio** **Team**_: -They all just called in.-_

**Director**: And?

**Studio** **Team**: _-They claim to be still playing because it's too addictive.-_

**Director**: For the love of …

**Told you it was short.**


	13. Chapter 13: Dora the Explorer

**Welcome back! I assume you all bored? If you are, stick around. If you're not though…well, I guess you can stay. Just don't touch my things! Anyways, the cast, crew and me shall be reviewing, my dad's favourite show…Dora the Explorer! Yeah, yeah I know. Shut up. So I hope everybody reading has cable or even an internet, cause I ain't writing no summary! With that, let's begin as sane adults review a kid's show in this chapter of FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Dora the Explorer**

**Director**: Good to see all of you at least came for this episode.

**Fang**: Why do you sound so bitter then?

**Director**: My disc is still broken.

**Snow**: I already said sorry.

**Hope**: Sorry normally isn't enough, **Snow**.

**Lightning**: I found irony in that sentence.

**Vanille**: Yeah! Vámonos!

**Sazh**: Do you even know what that means?

**Vanille**: Something along the lines of "let's go" maybe.

**Director**: Hey. Where's **Serah** anyway?

**Lightning**: She's still watching the show.

**Fang**: She said she wanted to learn Spanish or something.

**Sazh**: You Pulse girls are so unsure about yourselves.

**Snow**: So now it's just you and me, sis.

**Lightning**: Until you grow a pair, you don't call me "sis".

**Hope**: A pair of what?

**Vanille**: If I grow a pair, can I call you sis!

**Fang**: …

**Sazh**: …

**Lightning**: …

**Director**: Heh heh. Otters are awesome.

**Fang**: How dare you think that was funny!

_-__**Fang**__ tosses __**Director**__ into a wall-_

**Fang**: Huh?

**Lightning**: What happened to the window?

**Director**: Apu!

**Lightning**: You covered the window!

_-__**Lightning**__ proceeds to toss __**Director**__ against the wall-_

**Director**: Throw **Snow**! Throw **Snow** goddamn it!

**Snow**: Wha…

_-__**Lightning**__ throws __**Snow**__ against the wall-_

**Vanille**: I wanna try!

**Fang**: Not without help you ain't.

**Snow**: Wait, wait! Why me!

_-__**Fang**__ and __**Vanille**__ toss __**Snow**__ into the wall-_

**Sazh**: Maybe next time, you shouldn't try and get engage to **Serah**.

**Hope**: Guilty by association?

**Sazh**: Looks like it.

**Lightning**: Why can't I throw him out the window?

_-__**Lightning**__ goes on all four on the ground in despair-_

**Hope**: We should get **Serah**.

**Director**: No! It's okay! We'll continue!

**Sazh**: But **Snow** is kinda bleeding out.

**Director**: And judging by the timer on his head, he has enough time.

**Fang**: Timer?

**Vanille**: Yeah. It's right above **Snow**'s head!

**Hope**: …

**Sazh**: …

**Director**: Oh yeah. How you all find Dora?

**Fang**: I found suitable enough to teach younger viewers about both safety and some Spanish, but I find that the map especially was irritating.

**Director**: You don't like the map?

**Fang**: No, I hated the map.

**Director**: But it's the map, it's the map, it's the map, it's the…

**Fang**: Continue and you'll be missing a head!

**Director**: How bout Boots?

**Sazh**: The odd human thing?

**Director**: You guys have been here for at least a month and you all don't know what a monkey is?

**Vanille**: Monkey? Key?

**Hope**: Key?

**Sazh**: It's a key?

**Director**: No, it's an animal.

**Fang**: Does it taste good?

**Hope**: I wouldn't want to eat something that speaks.

**Director**: I wouldn't want to eat pixels.

**Fang**: What do you mean by that?

**Director**: Wasn't it obvious?

**Hope**: Yeah, it kinda was.

**Vanille**: What are you guys talking about?

**Director**: Nothing, nothing.

**Fang**: What are you trying to say? Monkeys aren't delicious?

**Director**: Steering clear, the rest of you haven't told me about your thoughts.

**Vanille**: I like the travelling song!

**Director**: It's catchy!

**Vanille**: I know!

**Sazh**: I enjoy the way it's aimed at younger kids. I could let **Dajh** seat in front of the TV for hours with this on. I can't imagine him speaking Spanish though.

**Director**: Dodge? Like the car?

**Sazh**: **Dajh**. Pronounce 'Da' not 'door'. Really, people here don't know how to pronounce.

**Hope**: Was Dora based on a real person? Cause she does have moments of realism.

**Director**: Realism? What realism?

**Hope**: Well, talking about safety and such. Doesn't that make you feel like it's a real person?

**Lightning**: It's a show about a girl who interacts with a blue cow named Benny.

**Director**: Exactly!

**Lightning**: What drug-addled mind came up with this kind of show?

**Director**: It's supposed to be appealing to young kids, not you.

**Sazh**: Anyone remember the Spanish-speaking racoon thing!

**Vanille**: I like that one! He was so adorable!

**Fang**: Animals are tasty.

**Hope**: Clearly you're a carnivore.

**Vanille**: Back on Pulse she would be like "I don't eat green stuff" and "vegetables are for chocobos"!

**Hope**: I'm impressed. That really sounds like **Fang**.

**Sazh**: How's **Snow** doing?

**Director**: He seems fine, so far.

**Lightning**: I'll change that.

**Sazh**: Can you tell us what you're gonna do before you do it?

**Lightning**: Relax. I found this on the internet.

_-__**Lightning**__ takes out some headphones and placed them on the unconscious __**Snow**__-_

**Director**: Hey, his timer is going up. What did you play?

**Lightning**: Nyan Cat.

**Sazh**: …

**Hope**: …

**Fang**: Remind me never to get on your bad side.

**Vanille**: I wanna listen to kitty!

**Director**: Later, for now let's move on to the aim of the show. Teaching! How well does it do in that aspect?

**Hope**: I understand it's aimed at kids but teaching kids that the way to stop a Swiper is by saying "Swiper, no swippey." I bet even **Vanille** thinks its bull.

**Fang**: You meaning to say that saying it like that doesn't stop people?

**Vanille**: No, no. It works, try it on **Light**!

**Fang**: Meanie, no meanie. Meanie, no meanie. Meanie, no meanie!

**Lightning**: …**Director**.

**Director**: Shhhhhh! I'm enjoying this!

**Hope**: Well, it worked in a way.

**Sazh**: True that.

**Lightning**: …

**Snow**: Nyan nyan nyan nyan.

**Fang**: He's delusional!

**Lightning**: Yeah.

**Vanille**: **Light** just smiled!

**Lightning**: I did not.

**Vanille**: Yes you did!

**Lightning**: No. Shut up.

**Director**: **Fang**! Stop poking **Snow**!

**Fang**: He's unconscious! What would it matter?

**Hope**: **Sazh**! Where's my 5 bucks!

**Sazh**: Here you go. Damn kids.

**Snow**: Nyan nyan nya nya.

**Director**: We really need **Serah** back.

**That's it folks! No, I'm not ending! Although it wouldn't hurt if you guys check out a story I'm working on. I'll post chapter one of that story (just look out for my pen-name) sometime next week and please R&R it! I have got to know whether it's good or not. As you all notice as well, everybody in a way were rather OOC in this chapter and I apologize. Actually, other than that, I've ran out of things to say. Till then, adios!**


	14. Chapter 14: Uncharted

**Woohoo! I finally thought about a plan before jumping into this so it might not be so funny anymore. What the hell, time to pull wool out my rear end. For today, I got a feeling I got to write a review on Uncharted! If you haven't played the game, I could guess that you either have an XBOX or you don't have a PS3. Also, watch "To Micheal" on youtube first. It's gonna be referenced and I'm scared readers might not have any idea what's happening. So, we begin as today the FFXIII Cast Reviews…wait I haven't given a summary. Screw it! FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Uncharted**

**Lightning**: **Director**! I know this man!

**Director**: That's **Snow**.

-**Lightning** throws a box of unknown content at **Director**, who with great skill takes it to the face-

**Director**: What's this? _-Gain 2 Potion, 4 Elixirs and 3 turtles-_

**Snow**: What's that?

**Sazh**: A turtle.

**Vanille**: Looks like a tiny adamantoise! It's adorable!

**Fang**: It is! Is this edible?

**Director**: Actually, yeah.

**Hope**: Uh, **Light**, you said something about knowing this man.

**Director**: Oh! You meant Nathan Drake.

**Lightning**: I met him in a tavern…

**Sazh**: You mean an inn.

**Snow**: No, I think you mean a bar.

**Serah**: You met Nathan Drake.

**Lightning**: Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?

**Serah**: You met Nathan Drake...That. Is. So cool!

**Snow**: Hey! Then what am I?

**Sazh**: Cannon fodder.

**Vanille**: No, no! He's a punching-bag!

**Fang**: Hah! You're so right! He is a punching bag!

**Snow**: I would have preferred cannon fodder.

**Director**: So, how was Nate in the flesh?

**Lightning**: He was telling me some story about some desert. He seems rather proud of almost dying of thirst though.

**Director**: Ahh. That would be in his third game.

**Sazh**: Game?

**Director**: Game.

**Lightning**: Like…a video game?

**Director**: Yea, video game.

**Fang**: Care to explain before our minds turns to mush?

**Director**: He sells his stories to turn them into games.

**Vanille**: Ohh!

**Director**: Or…**Light** might be insane.

**Lightning**: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

_-Everybody is in awe-_

**Lightning**: What?

**Director**: How do you say that?

**Lightning**: What? What.

**Serah**: What?

**Lightning**: What.

**Hope**: Huh?

**Snow**: No. What.

**Director**: Wait. What?

**Sazh**: Looks like me and the two Pulsian girls know enough to stay out of this.

**Vanille**: What?

**Lightning**: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

**Director**: That right there! How do you say that?

**Lightning**: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ ?

**Fang**: Oh! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻…That's how it's pronounce, right?

**Director**: What.

**Vanille**: Um…(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻. That's sounds swell!

**Director**: **ಠ****_****ಠ**

_-A casual round of applause is heard around the studio-_

**Director**: Right. Back to topic, you all were given a choice between playing all of them or just a few. So, how did it go?

**Lightning**: I had work to do.

**Serah**: She's lying. She stayed in for the whole week complaining about her fixation with playing.

**Lightning**: Sshhhh!

**Snow**: It's true! I was there!

**Serah**: Yeah! And she hogs the controller!

**Sazh**: That is just weird.

**Hope**: Yeah, I know. Normally I'm the one who does the hogging.

**Vanille**: So all the potions were with you!

**Hope**: I didn't say that!

**Fang**: Can we get on with this?

**Snow**: Why the rush?

**Fang**: I forgot to set up my alarm and stayed up all night so I wouldn't over sleep.

**Director**: Couldn't you just have set it when you realize you weren't going to sleep?

**Fang**: I was comfortable and didn't want to get out of bed.

**Serah**: I know how that feels.

**Sazh**: Same here.

**Fang**: Ugh…I just wanna sleep.

**Lightning**: I think we're getting off topic.

**Director**: Really?

**Lightning**: Anyway, I played all three and straight away, I could see that graphically, it really is quite amazing in detail. But my personal favourite would be the ship storming part in 3. Especially the outrunning of the waves, the gradually sinking ship and the way the water actually rises gradually seemed flawlessly implemented. But that was probably thanks to the implementation of the very well-done sequence in 2 with the train, which including Nepal village, which was an absolute eye-opener, were really the cause of making 3 such a joy to experience. Although, I felt more 'atmosphere' in 2 than in 3.

**Serah**: **ライト**, you talk too much.

**Director**: Yeah, **クレア** , you never talk this much.

**Lightning**: Don't you ever call me that.

**Hope**: I'm confused.

**Sazh**: Best not to think about it.

**Director**: Let's get this over with before **Light** kills me, shall we?

**Fang**: I've got to point out one thing though, why does that character remind me of me?

**Snow**: Which one you pointing at?

**Fang**: That one.

**Vanille**: The black-haired one?

**Fang**: Yeah.

**Snow**: The girl one?

**Hope**: Who else would **Fang** resemble?

**Serah**: Jennifer Hale next to Ali Hillis, maybe?

**Sazh**: Who and who?

**Director**: You don't surf the web very often, do you.

**Fang**: Yeah. Anyway, characters in there are really believable.

**Vanille**: You mean the way the characters act rather differently when faced with trouble?

**Sazh**: And not having personality set in stone?

**Fang**: Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure.

**Director**: Any examples?

**Vanille**: Take 2 for example. When Nathan met with that German guy in the village, he was already about to give up on his quest, which also happened in 1 with Elena if I remember correctly. But in 3, learning from both times, he sticks to his mission to continue.

**Sazh**: Although with that said, it was a mission to solve Sir Francis Drake's expedition and it was a fight against a very cold-hearted villain who Nate pretty much has a score to settle with. Whereas, 1 and 2 were against villains who were just in the way of treasure, something that could be given up on.

**Lightning**: You probably forgot about the villain in 1. He was looking for payback from Nate and Sullivan which means he was as personal as the villain in 3.

**Hope**: Heh. You all sound like rabid otakus.

**Serah**: Well, they love their stuff.

**Director**: I really want to play XIII-2 right now.

**Snow**: Thirteen two?

**Director**: Yeah. Someone can get a bikini in-game.

**Serah**: Who?

**Lightning**: And what's "thirteen two" anyway?

**Director**: It's a code for internet?

**Lightning**: Oh.

**Director**: Looks like I'm running out of questions, so this will be the last one. Nathan Drake, Assassin or Templar?

**Hope**: Assassin.

**Sazh**: I don't get it.

**Lightning**: Neither do I.

**Hope**: **Light**'s an assassin too.

_-__**Lightning**__ goes over to hold __**Hope**__ by his collar-_

**Lightning**: I will not stand for being called an ass. Twice.

**Hope**: Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! Please! Put me down!

**Fang**: That, my friends, is the power of tranquil fury.

**That's all I could muster folks! Waiting eagerly for Final Fantasy XIII-2 to be release and having Light as a playable monster is killing me! Then again, I've been waiting eagerly for Soul Calibur V, Mass Effect 3, Resident Evil: Operation Racoon City and Undisputed 3 within the next two month just mean I'm going to be broke. Hobbies are expensive. But my B-day is coming up so hopefully I'll get some money then. (P.S. My birthday is the same day as Victoria Justice and she's the same age as me. Sorry, had to point it out. Was too funny to live out.) Till the time after I've finish FFXIII-2, I'll bid thee ado and buy yourself a cake for sticking with me. Farewell and godspeed.**


	15. Chapter 15: Whose Line?

**FF XIII-2 is TOO LONG! How come it takes too long however is even unknown too me. Anyway, taking a break from that let me take you on a magical journey (No. Not on drug and weed.) across the interweb with another edition of FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Cheese**

**I'm not kidding.**

**Cheese**

**Maybe a little,**

**Cheeseburger**

**I'm sure you all can tell I'm really hungry right now. But seriously, FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Whose Line Is It Anyway? (US Version)**

**Director**: Hide-hidi-heydi-ho!

_-__**Lightning**__ throws __**Snow**__'s chair at __**Director**__, who takes it full-force in the face-_

**Lightning**: Do that again and I'll hang you by the skin of your balls!

**Director**: Language! **Serah** and **Vanille** are here!

**Hope**: What am I?

**Snow**: Chum-slaughter.

**Fang**: Can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter'.

**Sazh**: And why are you on the floor?

**Snow**: You didn't see? Big-sis used it as a pokeball at **Director**.

_-__**Lightning**__ throws __**Director**__'s chair at __**Snow**__, who takes it full-force in the face-_

**Director**: How the hell do you survive that without getting your face turn into a bloody-pulp?

**Snow**: Steelguard.

**Director**: Damn you and your paradigm shifts.

**Fang**: Got all that tension out and about yet?

**Lightning**: Yeah. Felt good too. You should give it a try.

**Vanille**: I wanna try! How about you, **Serah**?

**Serah**: **Hope** knows what balls are?

**Hope**: Yes…?

**Serah**: What are balls?

**Sazh**: Wow. **Light** really raise you well, didn't she.

**Lightning**: I did what any parent would do.

**Sazh**: True that. Hope **Dajh** isn't listening.

**Hope**: You called me?

**Sazh**: You left?

**Fang**: I'll take **Vanille** out to throw some chairs for a bit.

**Vanille**: Yaaah!

_-__**Fang**__ and __**Vanille**__ head off-_

**Director**: Eh. We should start the review.

**Serah**: Is nobody going to tell me what 'balls' are?

**Director**: It's…_-Hears __**Lightning**__ crack her knuckles-_…a common name for non-cooks to describe meatballs.

**Serah**: I know your lying, but thank you for lying to save my innocence.

**Director**: Yeah. That. Please stop glaring **Clai**…**Light**.

**Sazh**: In the end, it's all gonna be between **Light** and **Snow**.

**Serah**: That be true!

**Sazh**: Only I do that.

**Lightning**: **Sazh**, stop teaching **Serah** 'lingo'.

**Director**: Right then, how do you all find the improv act of the Whose Line cast?

**Serah**: That was improv? Wow! They all seem genuinely funny. How awesome do you have to be to be that good?

**Director**: Well, they are professional.

**Serah**: That makes sense. They really are quick on their wits.

**Lightning**: Quick wit? I found it gratifying that they sometimes resort to 'fake-out make-outs'…did I use the term correctly there?

**Snow**: I saw one! It was really squicky.

**Sazh**: I love how one of them have to point out that their married right after the skit.

**Director**: Hard to find that not funny.

_-__**Director**__ spots a chair from one of the upper floors fall pass the window-_

**Director**: What the?

**Hope**: Whaa?

**Snow**: Finally got your drooling face out of **Light**'s bosom, I see.

**Hope**: Huh!

**Lightning**: He's kidding, **Hope**.

**Director**: Ssshhhh! Look at the window!

**Sazh**: When did we get that back?

**Director**: It was a holographic disguise to prevent anymore broken window.

**Lightning**: Easily rectified.

_-Opens window and tosses __**Director**__ out-_

**Hope**: Wow. Not even a crack.

**Snow**: Can someone close that. It's bringing in all that bad industrial air.

**Serah**: I hope the **Director** is going to be okay.

**Lightning**: Don't worry, I felt him up before I threw him out and he was wearing his body armour.

**Snow**: You felt up a guy?

**Serah**: So unlike you, **Light**.

**Lightning**: I was feeling for personal safety.

**Sazh**: You're just growing soft.

_-__**Lightning**__ holds __**Sazh**__ by his collar-_

**Lightning**: I am not soft.

**Serah**: Right…so that lump on your chest is just air?

**Lightning**: How I choose to present my assets are none of your concern, **Serah**.

**Sazh**: Can you let me go now?

**Lightning**: Oh…yeah. _-Lets go of __**Sazh**__-_

**Snow**: Right…anyway, one of the funniest skit to me was the 'green screen'. It was amazing how anybody could have guess what was being shown. Especially those that went one way then to another.

**Lightning**: I don't understand. Could you care to elaborate?

**Snow**: Eh…sure. The time when the screen showed a lot of cockroaches and they started dancing was really unexpected.

**Serah**: That scene was way too icky! I preferred 'super-heroes'. I just cannot get Captain Hair out of my head but they were mean to Colin right after, calling him Captain Hair. Then again, it was pretty funny.

**Sazh**: Well, he should be sad. He doesn't have my lush mane.

**Hope**: I like 'scenes from a hat'. It's the most random thing I have ever watched and really showcased the amazing improvisational talents of the cast. Although I find Wayne Brady to be outrageously talented at 'songstyles' that I'm actually a little jealous.

**Serah**: Aaawww! **Hope** wants to sing!

**Lightning**: When you were his age, you wanted to find that undead leviathan in Bodhum's sea.

**Sazh**: You mean there really isn't an undead leviathan in Bodhum?

**Snow**: I found it kinda funny that the oldest one here still believes in myths.

**Hope**: How about undead clams?

**Serah**: That would bring about another question of whether they would be edible if they were actually real.

**Snow**: Alright then, how bout bugs?

**Serah**: Eeeww, eeeww, eewww! Move away from that topic please!

**Lightning**: I didn't know you were afraid of bugs.

**Serah**: No. Just eating them and letting them crawl at places I don't approve.

**Hope**: Make sense. But I hear in Thailand they're known as a delicacy.

**Snow**: Sounds yummy.

**Hope**: But it's mostly fried though. Eaten like chips.

**Serah**: Okay! I'm gonna go puke!

_-__**Serah**__ leaves-_

**Hope**: Did I say something wrong?

**Sazh**: Nah. Since there's four of us left, how bout some cards?

**Snow**: Sure.

**Lightning**: No gambling.

**Hope**: Yeah. No gambling, I got grounded.

**Sazh**: Fine.

**Snow**: What are we playing anyway?

**Sazh**: Got this at the shops around here.

_-__**Sazh**__ shows them a pack of UNO cards-_

**Sazh**: I got pretty good at this and since we ain't playing for keeps, no complaining.

**I supposed that wasn't much of a review, I really do love Whose Line though. On another note, I once gambled using potato chips as cards…don't ask me how it works, I lost $10 for playing. Oh crap as well for my upcoming graduation. Dad won't be back to make it, but he'll be back to see me off to the army. How is that meant to put my mind at ease? Also, sorry about the leviathan thing in this chapter but who wouldn't want to see a giant undead water dragon? So that's it. I'll leave for now with the image of Light, Hope, Snow and Sazh sitting down for a round of UNO. All those coloured cards. Seeya!**


	16. Chapter 16: DOA Paradise

**Hey there! Thanks for coming back. For this chapter, I'll like to try something different and put in a special "guest" of sorts with one of the cast to review something of interest. So…let's bring Lightning and FemShep(Paragon) together as they take a hilarious whack at Dead Or Alive Volleyball…so let's begin as FFXIII Cast Reviews present a special chapter for:**

**Dead Or Alive: Paradise (Don't judge me. It's a hilarious game.)**

**Director**: Welcome back to a special episode as we welcome **Commander** **Shepard** as tonight's guest. Anything you can say to increase our viewership?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Hi, I'm **Commander** **Shepard** and this is my favourite talk show on the Citadel.

**Director**: Citadel?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Sorry, force of habit.

**Lightning**: So what makes her so special?

**Director**: She's a Spectre. A sort of elite soldier for the Citadel Council, a "space UN" in a way.

**Lightning**: Space? You mean the thing that separates and takes up the area around us.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: No. It's the sky beyond the clouds.

**Lightning**: I was being sarcastic.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I know.

**Lightning**: I'll resist the urge to punch you.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Honestly, I don't think you could take me in a fight.

**Lightning**: Really? Name your greatest achievement.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I'm N7 and the first human Spectre who was also the first to go through the Omega-4 Relay and survive.

**Lightning**: I destroyed a government and I'm Etro's personal guardian.

**Director**: Or to sum it up, one survived a suicide mission and the other protects god.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Right on the money, **Director**.

**Lightning**: Is there something I don't know about?

**Director**: What do you mean?

**Lightning**: She seems quite familiar with you.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: He interviewed me before and let me tell you, he really can't hold his liquor.

**Lightning**: I don't drink. It's unprofessional.

**Director**: Maybe that's why you're tense up.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: And I'm really dead!

**Lightning**: …

**Director**: …

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: What? Too soon?

**Director**: Right…anyway, both of you have been given the same game to review, right? How was it?

**Lightning**: You let **Serah** play Call of Duty and I get stuck with this. How is that fair?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: You know, it could be worse.

**Lightning**: How?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: You could be ugly.

**Lightning**: Looks are for petty people.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: So you're pretty much indifferent.

**Director**: Ladies, back to the review.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Right. Um…it was interesting. Especially the gift-giving portion, it was all…interesting.

**Lightning**: I like to keep thinking it's more of a game instead of a dating simulator.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: It's not a dating simulator. It's more of a friend-maker simulator.

**Director**: 'Oly crap. I just chose the right reviewers for this game!

**Lightning**: You calling me an introvert aren't you.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: That must make me the extravert.

**Lightning**: Lucky you.

**Director**: I want a tally count! Who made the most friends!

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I manage to get 7.

**Director**: **Light**, how about you?

**Lightning**: I got 1.

**Director**: Who?

**Lightning**: Kokoro. I thought she was cute looking.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Make sense. She is one of the easier girls to be friends with.

**Kokoro**: Someone call me?

**Director**: Argh! Get outta here! Go! Go back to the Dead or Alive section!

_-__**Kokoro**__ reluctantly leaves-_

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Wasn't expecting that.

**Director**: Let's continue, shall we?

**Lightning**: Well, the volleyball part in the game does hold its own despite being quite simple but it took some time before I really got the hang of it.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I still stand by the notion of the friend-making to work fine but I'd really like to give a heads-up to the card game inside, blackjack if I recall correctly. It was a long time since I actually played it but thankfully, playing safe works.

**Director**: How about the graphics? Was there any problems with that?

**Lightning**: The characters…swing everywhere.

**Director**: I know! It's hilarious!

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I've seen that much swinging before. Never thought the human form would be capable though.

**Lightning**: Yeah…ticks me off.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Good to see we're at least in one mind at that flaw.

**Director**: Awww! You're friends now!

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: She reminds me too much of Liara.

**Lightning**: I'll like to meet her then.

**Director**: Are you and Liara…you know.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Pretty much.

**Director**: Oh.

**Lightning**: Pretty much what?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Intergalactic space travellers, what else.

**Director**: Oh!

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I'm not against the idea, **Director**. I just didn't pursue it.

**Director**: Makes sense. So, which character did you choose to represent you at the beginning?

**Lightning**: I chose the purple-haired one, Ayane if I remember correctly.

**Director**: That explains your 1 friend.

**Lightning**: Didn't really matter who you played as, doesn't it.

**Director**: I wouldn't say that. **Commander**, how about you?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Well, I had a hard time choosing but I went with Hitomi, who was pretty good overall but the voice…let's say it's an acquired taste.

**Director**: I see. Can I ask you something, **Commander**.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: Sure.

**Director**: What's the deal with platypus?

**Lightning**: What's a platypus?

**Director**: Duck-beaver animal.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: The Citadel Council officially states that platypus are "of alien origin and aren't indigenous to Earth"

**Director**: I knew it.

**Lightning**: You keep that of the top of your head?

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I get the platypus question a lot.

**Lightning**: You Earth-folk are nuts.

**Director**: I would be hazelnut.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: I prefer cashew.

**Lightning**: People and your weird humor.

**Director**: Nah. It's just me.

**Cmdr**. **Shepard**: If we're done here, I got a hearing to get too.

**Director**: Sure and good luck!

_-__**Cmdr**__. __**Shepard**__ leaves-_

**Lightning**: She's a nice girl.

**Director**: She's older than you.

**Lightning**: What?

**Director**: And, she's a cyborg.

**Lightning**: …

**Director**: …

**Lightning**: …

**Tommy the Dim-witted Gold Unicorn of North-West Europe**: …

**Director**: …

**Lightning**: …

**Director**: Want to get something to eat?

**Lightning**: Sure, why not.

**…R&R pls. Your response might change the fate of this fic FOREVER. **


	17. Chapter 17: Monty Python and the HG

**I don't understand people. Anyways, we should continue! Director is going out for this one (Protip: One should never head out with Lightning without telling anyone where you would have gone.) and instead a random search of the internet bagged me a pretty good temporary host. For this chapter, something British is in the works. So, join Snow and Hope as we delve into the depths as FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Monty Python and The Holy Grail**

**(P.S. Do not worry about the Japanese parts. Most of it is written in broken Japanese anyway and does not necessarily correspond to answers given by Hope and Snow.)**

**Hope**: Heheheh, I love that part!

**Snow**: I know! Making the French do fart jokes! Completely hilarious!

**Hope**: Yeah. Wait…isn't France the country that **Light** like?

**Snow**: Oh yeah. Promise to keep your mouth shut?

**Hope**: Get me a new Clone Trooper outfit and ice cream?

**Snow**: Deal.

**Kasumi** **Arimura**: こんにちは！入ってもいい?

**Hope**: Huh? Okay…?

**Snow**: Wait. Who are you?

**Kassy**: ホスト！

**Hope**: Right…how about a name?

**Kassy**: **有村架純**

**Snow**: Hope **Director** knows what he's doing.

**Hope**: My surname is **Estheim**. Not **Director**.

_-__**Snow**__ facepalm-_

**Hope**: Huh. Considering you fight with your fist, always thought a facepalm could kill.

**Kassy**: あなたが知っている、私はこのすべてに圧倒され少しです。

**Snow**: Okay then, we should talk about the movie.

**Kassy**: 素晴らしい!私はそれが良い映画だったと想像?

**Hope**: That is so messed up. Right, the movie was well-done despite wallowing in audacity at the normally serious tale of King Arthur and his quest.

**Snow**: I like Sir Lancelot.

**Hope**: Sir Lancelot's story was definitely one of the stand-out moments of the movie. Another one I can immediately recall as well was the part with the Black Knight! Tis but a scratch!

**Snow**: **Serah** enjoyed the scene with the Knights who say 'ni'! I've got to agree with her it was really funny! Especially the shrubbery.

**Kassy**: これは退屈だ！

**Snow**: Hey. Lady looks bored.

_-__**Hope**__ and __**Snow**__ enter a psychic link-_

**Hope**: Damn it **Snow**! Do something! She's too cute to leave!

**Snow**: Fine, fine. Wait…you like her?

**Hope**: She's cute goddamn it!

**Snow**: Heh he. You like someone.

**Hope**: And you like pleasuring yourself! Now do something!

**Snow**: Pffh. You do it.

**Hope**: Now is not the time to argue!

**Snow**: Then maybe, you should have chosen your words a little more carefully.

**Hope**: F- YOU.

**Director**: Dude…language.

**Snow**: **Director**?

**Hope**: Where are you?

**Director**: The Void Beyond.

**Kassy**: 私はチョコボセットはしてください好きになるでしょう。

**Director**: Who's the dame?

**Hope**: We have no idea.

**Snow**: **Hope** likes her though.

**Director**: I thought you like **Light**?

**Hope**: Please, everybody likes **Light**. It just depends on whether you're honest with yourself or not.

**Snow**: …I wanted to bring up a counter argument but I realize that it's kinda true.

**Director**: Ah crap. Running out of change. Talk to you guys soon.

_-We leave wherever the Hell we were at-_

**Kassy**: 奇妙な外国人

**Snow**: Hey lady! Look!

_-__**Snow**__ makes his chair explode-_

**Kassy**: 地球上の何！

**Snow**: Ain't that cool?

**Hope**: **Snow**! Next time do something that doesn't involve explosions.

**Snow**: How abo…

**Hope**: No. Not even ice explosion.

_-__**Kassy**__ leaves, in fear of her safety-_

**Hope**: !

**Snow**: Pffh. Wasn't much to look at anyway.

**Hope**: Easy for you to say, you have **Serah**.

**Snow**: Don't be like that. And besides, I'm sure her name was Tim.

**Hope**: I'm too sullen to indulge in Monty Python's hilarity.

**Snow**: Geez. You make it feel like it was my fault.

**Hope**: I should bring **Alexander** down and fart in your general direction.

**Snow**: That won't solve anything! Listen, how 'bout you and I go look for other girls later.

**Hope**: I don't know.

**Snow**: I promise you that it won't be **Fang** or **Vanille**.

**Hope**: Well duh. Their like sisters to me.

**Snow**: How 'bout **Serah**?

**Hope**: Well, she looks like **Light**, but she's nicer…wait.

**Snow**: Ha! You got hots for pink-haired girls, huh?

**Hope**: You can't judge me by that alone!

**Snow**: I'm thinking of a character from Gundam.

**Hope**: Um… Lacus Clyne?

**Snow**: Why?

**Hope**: I keep hearing the name around conventions.

**Snow**: Okay…how about "Hayate the Combat Butler".

**Hope**: Hayate?

**Snow**: Someone with a full name.

**Hope**: Err…Hinagiku Katsura.

**Snow**: Why?

**Hope**: I just happen to remember alright!

**Snow**: Okay then. Lucky Star.

**Hope**: Konata Izumi. Or was it the other way round?

**Kassy**: 何も証明しません。

**Snow**: Where the Hell!

**Hope**: When did you…

**Kassy**: 忍者！

**Hope**: Um…miss, would you like to go for lunch…sometimes…maybe?

**Kassy**: 私は英語を理解しています。

**Hope**: Is that a yes?

**Kassy**: 私は映画を見たいと思います。

**Snow**: I think she wants a pony.

**Hope**: Right. Like taking your advice is smart.

**Snow**: That's the spirit!

_-__**Hope**__ and __**Kassy**__ leave-_

**Snow**: Woohoo!

**Snow**: Now what?

**Snow**: Woohoo!

_-__**Lightning**__ comes in-_

**Lightning**: Good! At least you're here.

**Snow**: What's up?

**Lightning**: I messed with **Grayson**'s stupid blade, wrote all over it with permanent marker.

**Snow**: Who?

**Lightning**: Some AU childhood friend. Anyway, here.

_-__**Lightning**__ gives a marker to __**Snow**__-_

**Lightning**: Gotta go now.

_-Opens window and jumps out-_

**Snow**: Huh. _-Inspects marker-_

_-The Black Marker is an alien artifact discovered on Earth by the Earth Government in 2214-_

**Snow**: What?

**What?**


	18. Chapter 18: Metal Gear Solid 3

**Hey, listen! Today's guest is THE ONE, THE ONLY, DEADPOOL! Sorry for the caps but I'm afraid I found the internet. The review today will be aboot the great state of Pittsburg! Haha! Or as in 1337 speak and such, LOL! But really, Director keeps missing out on writing this great A/N and instead asked "politely" for some douche-bag named GKabooz to think up something to say. LOSER! Anyhoo, I wanted to review myself but I realized that my mind would be incomprehensible for anyone who isn't my mom to understand. So let's begin! Let the Deadpool and Friends from XIII Cast Review: **

**Pittsburg!**

**I apologize for letting Deadpool near FFXIII Cast Reviews. We have replaced him with 'wacky Saber' from the Carnival Phantasm anime (Spoiler: It is diabolically funny) Anyway, let's start as the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Metal Gear Solid 3**

**Saber**: Where am I? Where's **Shirou**?

**Director**: Relax, **Saber**. It isn't time yet.

**Saber**: Oh…false alarm.

**Fang**: Um…**Director**, who's the crazy girl?

**Saber**: I am not a girl! I am king!

**Sazh**: No, you're definitely a girl.

**Saber**: Oh. If you say so.

**Director**: Great. Now that everybody has calm down, you all played through MGS3 and as usual, I want to hear about it.

**Sazh**: Where to begin?

**Fang**: I'll take over from you then.

**Sazh**: Be my guest.

**Saber**: I thought I was the guest?

**Director**: Hey, **Saber**. There's an all-you-can-eat-buffet across the street and I paid beforehand, so it's free.

**Saber**: Free…food. Mmm…

-_**Saber**__ goes off to devour numerous healthy snacks_-

**Fang**: Really? The little lady gets hypnotized by free food?

**Director**: Yeah. Where the hell am I getting this people from?

**Sazh**: The internet?

**Director**: Ha! …You're right.

**Fang**: Ahem…

**Director**: Oh right! Let's start with…**Sazh**. How was the tone of the game?

**Sazh**: You mean setting, right? Well, I don't understand what's up with this Cold War thing and snakes.

**Fang**: Yeah. It's hard to stay focus on sneaking in the game when all you want to do is see an explosion.

**Sazh**: Right. And what is up with EVA?

**Fang**: Who?

**Director**: EVA. The lady with the black bikini.

**Fang**: Oh…I knew that. It's not like I wasn't paying attention. I just…wanted to make sure you knew.

**Director**: Ahh…

**Fang**: Oh! I love the eating in this game!

**Sazh**: I've got to agree. It's like the game was made with eating in mind.

**Fang**: Your tone sounds suggestive.

**Sazh**: Oh…no, it wasn't.

_-__**Saber**__ burst through the door-_

**Saber**: I heard someone say "eat".

**Director**: Welcome back. Had a fun time?

**Saber**: The buffet wasn't very filling.

**Director**: I sent you to the supermarket.

**Sazh**: She ate everything in there, didn't she?

**Fang**: You make it sound like it sound like it's unusual.

**Director**: Right then, since **Fang** talks about weapons, let's carry on with that.

**Saber**: Truly such drivel entertains you people in this day and age?

**Sazh**: I enjoy poker and chronobind.

**Fang**: I actually enjoy taking long walks on beaches and hitting things.

**Saber**: Oh. A gambler and a beach bully.

**Director**: Hmm…

**Saber**: And a twat.

**Director**: Me? Twat?

**Saber**: Yes.

**Director**: True.

**Sazh**: I can't hit her. She's a lady.

**Fang**: She's around my shoulder height. Want me to do it?

**Director**: **Fang**!

**Fang**: What!

**Saber**: Surely such an act would be deemed inappropriate for a person of your stature?

**Director**: Argh!

**Saber**: What! Do you see **Berserker**? I shall face thee!

_-**Saber** jumps out window…dramatically-_

**Director**: Not the window!

**Sazh**: Huh. Jumped out like Leon. Wonder if she ever played RE4.

**Fang**: Who knows.

**Director**: -_Sob_-

**Fang**: Give me a break.

_-__**Fang**__ picks up __**Director**__ by the collar and slaps him across the face for a while-_

_-5 minutes have gone by…-_

_-20 minutes have gone by…-_

_-120 minutes/2 hours have gone by…-_

**Sazh**: You done yet?

**Fang**: He's still not waking up.

**Sazh**: I think slapping him for several hours kinda…you know…knock him out a little.

**Fang**: Make sense.

_-10 minutes have gone by…-_

**Sazh**: Maybe you should stop slapping him and leave him alone for a while.

**Fang**: Oh. Okay.

_-__**Fang**__ lets __**Director**__ "lifeless" body go-_

**Sazh**: Dang…I think you killed him.

**Fang**: You say that like he stood a chance of surviving.

_-__**Saber**__ burst in…panting heavily-_

**Sazh**: Took you long enough lady. Where you been?

**Saber**: A creature of a hideous form feign knowledge and requested my assistance in a spiteful matter.

**Fang**: Oh, was it someone lik…

**Saber**: He wielded a small shield as his only sole means of weaponry and claim innocents as I raise my sword to strike his shield, bearing down to finish him.

**Fang**: Eh!

**Saber**: I had slain him after stabbing him 14 more times and then I realized that it was a cosplayer in a "Freddy Kruger" costume handing out tissue paper.

**Sazh**: Really? You must be jo…

**Saber**: I ran here as fast as I could to escape the local enforcement from hauling me to their dungeon.

**Fang**: Why do you talk like that?

**Saber**: For shit and giggles.

**Sazh**: What?

**Saber**: Calm thy hearts and cleanse your mind.

**Fang**: Anyway, you didn't realized it was a cosplayer?

**Saber**: I am blind to non-hostilities.

**Sazh**: Heh. Snake's blind in one eye.

**Fang**: Oh yeah. That really didn't change the gameplay much, didn't it.

**Saber**: What are you both on about?

**Fang**: Didn't **Director** pass you a game to play?

**Saber**: I was a rather sloppy replacement for the previous guest, wasn't I?

**Sazh**: Oh, right.

**Fang**: Who was the previous guest anyway?

**Deadpool**: It's ME! Aunt SALLY! HA AH HA HA HA!1!

**Saber**: Who was that disfigured fiend? I sense a crude form of an assassin from him.

-_**Saber** goes off to slay the "Aunt SALLY"-_

**Sazh**: They lost me there.

**Fang**: Don't worry about it. I'll find her. **BAHAMUT**!

-**Fang** summons **Bahamut**. Include your own image of the fancy sommoning process and fling off-

**Sazh**: Alone with a dead man.

**Director**: I like the rainbow one…

**Sazh**: Sorry, unconscious man.

**First, a build-up, **

"**Famous playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy Mansion, where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, "Well, if it was anyone else we might have gotten away from it, but unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."**

**-Colin Mochrie**

**HA HA HA HA HA HA…I lost myself there. Now for proper authors notes! …You know what, Fukk it. I'm not even gonna apologize.**


	19. Chapter 19: MW3 Multiplayer

**Hello there! For this FFXIII Cast Review, I'll bring in a rather in-universe guest for this review. Furthermore, I'll be playing around with the concept of an online multiplayer-styled narrative…so it's a lot of potential for a hit & miss and more descriptive word than an adult book in the 1850's. So let's carry on as the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (Multiplayer)**

**Director**: Welcome back to the studio! How long has it been since you two have been here?

**Vanille**: Umm…a few weeks?

**Serah**: Actually, more around a month.

**Vanille**: I said few! Four is counted as few, right?

**Noel** **Kriess**: In a way.

**Serah**: So, you know what weeks are?

**Noel**: Of course. Had to do something besides hunting, right.

**Director**: You could have stayed in and slept the whole day.

**Noel**: That's…just not like me.

**Vanille**: I don't get it.

**Serah**: Don't think too hard on it. He's just acting cool.

**Noel**: Hey!

**Director**: Right, that brings us to our first on-air review on FFXIII Cast Reviews. The multiplayer of Modern Warfare 3.

_-__**Noel**__ picks up a controller-_

**Noel**: What in Etro's name is this?

**Vanille**: That's a controller. It reads the inputs you press on the face buttons and registers them as commands done in the video game.

**Serah**: Wow…that was…rather…in-depth.

**Vanille**: I have been playing for a while. It makes sense that I know these things.

**Director**: Ha! Relax, I've made sure this match is as even as possible.

**Serah**: How? We are all beginners. Maybe except you.

**Director**: Right…me, good? Anyway, for the sake of fairness, this is a 4-on-4 match with a team deathmatch rules and played on 3 maps. Bakaara, Resistance and Underground will be the fields of battle. Now to introduce the names we're under.

**-A/N: IMPORTANT. THE FOLLOWING USERNAMES USED ARE BY NO MEANS ACTUAL USERNAMES OF THE CAST. IF IT DOES LINK TO A PERSON…I QUESTION YOUR SANITY FOR BELIEVEING FICTICIOUS CHARACTERS EXIST.- **

**-P.S. I LIKE RAINBOW DASH.-**

**Serah**: I manage to get **LiL_ThunD3R** as an ID and I'll be…umm…using…**Director**, what kind of game is this?

**Director**: A modern first-person shooter…lil thunder.

**Serah**: It was the only one available!

**Noel**: It does seem very much like her to look up to her sister like that.

**Serah**: Thank you, **Noel**.

**Vanille**: Oh oh! I manage to get **Preedy_Sheepsy**!

**Noel**: I'm not even going there.

**Director**: How about you?

**Noel**: **The_Future_Of_Mankind111.**

_-__**Serah**__ and __**Vanille**__ try to hold back their laughter-_

**Director**: Good. _-snigger-_ That's…good.

**Noel**: I know.

**Vanille**: So sorry. But…I've got to go…out for a while.

_-__**Vanille**__ heads off. Seconds later, the sound of laughter reach the studio. __**Serah**__, who was successfully suppressing her laughter, breaks out laughing.-_

_-Several minutes later, __**Vanille**__ returns, red in the cheeks.-_

**Vanille**: PWAH AH HA HA HA HA HA! He's still here!

**Noel**: What wrong with that.

_-__**Director**__ resisted the urge to laugh-_

_-2 minute later…-_

**Director**: Alright. Everybody ready?

**Serah**: Yeah.

**Noel**: Sure.

**Vanille**: Wait! How do I reload again?

**Director**: Great! We're all set then.

**Vanille**: Whaaa…

-_Viewers will subjected to a change of script-style_-

**Great_Kabooz**: Right. This is map is Resistance. A short-to-medium range killing zone.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: Who the hell?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: That should be **Director**.

**Great_Kabooz**: Yup.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Do I get the sheep gun now?

**Great_Kabooz**: There's no sheep gun.

_-Sniper shot ring through the area-_

**Great_ Kabooz**: The hell? Everybody get down and stick together.

_-Everybody but __**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**__ go prone-_

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: How do you do that?

_-__**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**__ headshot (__Barrett .50cal__) by __**3claire**__-_

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: **Noel** went down.

**Great_Kabooz**: Let hang low in the shop. There's two ways in and out so it'll be easy to defend while **Noel** gets back to us.

_-The party head towards the shop-_

**LiL_ThunD3R**: So, we're bunking down here for a moment, right?

_-The sound of a grenade enters the area-_

**Great_Kabooz**: Oh crap. **Serah** and **Vanille**, you should get back.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: But it makes such a nice sound!

-_**Preedy**_**_Sheepsy** fragged by **HopeXIIIEver**-

**LiL_ThunD3R**: That is definitely **Hope**.

_-The sound of a MG36 fired wildly-_

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: Hey! What'd I miss?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Since you're standing and all…shoot the guy firing like crazy, please.

_-__**Da_HEROIS**__ killed (CM901) by __**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**__-_

**Great_Kabooz**: **Snow**?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: **Snow**.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: He really is an idiot, isn't he.

**Great_Kabooz**: Well, seeing how **Noel** died the previous time, a sniper must be herding us here and a sniper is probably at the other end of the street.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: They have two snipers?

_-__**HopeXIIIEver**__ killed (SPAS-12) by __**Preedy_Sheepsy**__-_

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Ha! I got **Hope**!

**Great_Kabooz**: You two should head to wherever **Vanille** is. The enemy might head there to get **Vanille** while she's reloading.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: You sure you're gonna be okay?

**Great_Kabooz**: No problem. I'm quite skilled with the M4.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: I'll lay down some claymores as we leave, okay?

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: I'll toss some smoke to hide our leave.

_-__**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**__ tosses smoke in front of the shop and they both leave-_

**Great_Kabooz**: It's just you and me.

_-__**Serah**__, __**Noel**__ and __**Vanille**__ stare at __**Director**__-_

**Serah**: We're still in the same room as you.

**Director**: So?

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Umm…I'm under fire by **Snow**, I think.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Uhh. Keep your head down. I fired the Javelin at something.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: What do we have to do to win anyway?

_-__**3claire**__ killed (Javelin) by __**LiL_ThunD3R**__-_

**Great_Kabooz**: Ahh…crap. Next two match is going to be capture the flag.

_-After several minutes of overly dramatic shouting from __**Director**__, lucky Javelin shots from __**Serah**__ and __**Vanille**__'s shotgun…-_

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Wow! Check out my stats! I took out **3claire** twenty-six times.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: And the scores are 199 and 156.

**Great_Kabooz**: Who's winning?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: We are.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Rolling in a crate!

_-__**Da_HEROIS**__ killed (Care Package) by __**Preedy_Sheepsy**__-_

**Director, Vanille** & **Noel**: AAHHH HA HAHA HAHAHHAHAHAHHAH AHA!

**Serah**: Oh, **Snow**…

**That was hard! Anyway, watching MLP was the reason I didn't upload a story for quite a time and besides…I smell a "part two".**

**HA HA HA HA HA -**_**Drinks coffee**_**- Goddamn. I want tea.**


	20. Chapter 20: MW3 Multiplayer Part 2

**Welcome back to part 2 of this rather dim-witted attempt at decent story-telling. Since the first match was in the studio, we'll move the focus to the opposition. YES! That means the other 4 who were battling the combined forces of Serah, Vanille, Noel and Director. Shit…my pits smell like chicken soup. Witness my shrug and let us continue as FFXIII Cast Review:**

**Modern Warfare 3 (Part 2)**

**Snow**: Okay, they may have won that battle. But, the war is far from finish.

**Lightning**: Says the one who died the most.

**Fang**: Who the hell is lil thunder, anyway?

**Hope**: Definitely **Serah**.

**Sazh**: Just like sisters, naming yourselves "thunder and **Lightning**".

**Lightning**: Hmph.

**Fang**: Hey. Why aren't you playing? You'd be great at this "shooting thing".

**Sazh**: Ha! If there ain't a 'fro, I don't go.

**Hope**: What?

**Snow**: He just wants it to sound like it rhymes.

**Lightning**: Hey, the next match is ready.

**Hope**: I wanna go back and play SSX!

**Lightning**: Shut up! I'm leading the charge this time!

**Fang**: Mine would have worked if "someone" didn't rush forward like a moron.

**Snow**: Hey! I was under pressure.

**Fang**: From what? Using less than a brain cell to correspond the planets alignment to make sure a lucky toss of a grenade didn't land near you?

**Hope**: I know I'm young and all, but that was clearly you, pulling whatever made no sense out of your ass.

**Sazh**: Kids nowadays…

**Lightning**: I am not a child!

**Sazh**: Hey now! I didn't mean you!

-**Sazh** get toss out of…where the hell are we?-

**Amodar**: Hey there, sergeant. -_Spots __**Sazh**_- Doing some cleaning up, huh. Good luck with that!

-**Amodar** leaves…whistling the "Imperial March"-

**Lightning**: Silly fat man.

**Hope**: Hey, how'd you know **Captain Cryptic**?

**Lightning**: **Captain Cryptic**? Ahh…that explains the superhero outfit hanging in his office. Always thought the big "CC" stood for…

**Fang**: Hey, Light. Director changed the rules.

**Lightning**: To what?

**Snow**: CTF.

**Lightning**: What?

**Hope**: Capture the flag.

**Lightning**: Map?

**Fang**: Umm…Baakara? What kinda name is that?

**Hope**: It's supposed to be based on Mogadishu.

**Snow**: Whaaa…

-_Viewers will subjected to a change of script-style_-

**3claire**: Right, everybody get your favourite weapon and keep your eyes on the flag first. And yes, that means no charging.

**Da_HEROIS**: Don't worry, I can listen when I want to.

**Flight69**: You should have listened the previous match!

**HopeXIIIEver**: Umm…**Fang**.

**Flight69**: What?

**HopeXIIIEver**: …

**Flight69**: …

**HopeXIIIEver**: …

-_30-rounds get wasted from across the map_-

**Da_HEROIS**: I sense a challenge!

**3claire**: Dumbass! Wait!

_-__**Da_HEROIS**__ waste his 100-round magazine…while standing in the same spot-_

**Flight69**: Goddamn it, **Snow**! Get down!

-_**Da_HEROIS**__ headshot (AS50) by __**LiL_ThunD3R**_-

**Da_HEROIS**: Pfft…lucky shot.

**HopeXIIIEver**: Hey, **Fang**. Why that ID?

**Flight69**: Well, **Bahamut** flies and I like the way 6 and 9 comes together. Why do you ask?

**HopeXIIIEver**: Just curious.

_-__**Great_Kabooz**__ killed (Barrett .50cal) by __**3claire**__-_

**3claire**: Cut the chit-chat and stay focus. Where's **Snow**?

-_We have the flag_-

**HopeXIIIEver**: Guess that answers your question.

**Da_HEROIS**: Ha ha! I'm not useless!

-_**Da_HEROIS**__ killed (USP .45) by __**Great_Kabooz**_-

**3claire**: You were killed by a pistol.

**Da_HEROIS**: That was not my fault! I didn't get backup.

**3claire**: Tell someone next time. I would have been willing.

**Flight69**: Too late for that now…I'll stick to **Snow**. As long as the "team leader" has no objections, of course.

**3claire**: None whatsoever. Knock 'em out for me.

-_**Flight69 **__and __**Da_HEROIS**__ head off to…well…capture the flag_-

**3claire**: Guess it's just you and me again, **Hope**.

-_**HopeXIIIEver**__ slides his character right next to __**3claire**_-

**3claire**: I regret this decision.

-_2 stolen flags later_-

**Flight69**: Yoo hoo! Last flag!

**Da_HEROIS**: We're playing a dating sim?

-_**Da_HEROIS**__ killed (Javelin) by __**LiL_ThunD3R**_-

**3claire**: Thank you, **Serah**.

-_We have the flag_-

**3claire**: **Hope**! Get on the minigun!

**HopeXIIIEver**: Right!

-_**The_Future_Of_Mankind111 **__killed (Minigun) by __**HopeXIIIEver**_-

**Flight69**: Thanks, **Hope**!

**3claire**: **Hope**, relax for a bit. Tossing smoke.

**Flight69**: Into the smoke I go!

-_**Great_Kabooz**__ and__** Preedy_Sheepsy**__ killed (MG36) by __**Da_HEROIS**_-

**Da_HEROIS**: Ha! How 'bout them apples!

**HopeXIIIEver**: **Snow**!

**Flight69**: Great job!

**Lightning**: Look up.

**Da_HEROIS**: Whaaa…

_-__**Da_HEROIS**__ killed (Predator Missile) by __**LiL_ThunD3R-**_

**Da**_**HEROIS: **Come on!

**3claire**: -_Snigger_-

-_We have captured the flag_-

**Flight69**: Whew! That was a hard one.

**HopeXIIIEver**: Hey, we won!

**Snow**: That **Serah**! She's getting too good at aiming for peoples head.

**Lightning**: Taught her well enough.

**Hope**: But it's a game. I don't think you actually had the chance to train her with this.

**Fang**: Ahh…**Hope**, I don't think anything by this point would be logical.

**Lightning**: She's right, you know. I mean 20 chapters is quite long.

**Hope**: Eh?

**Lightning**: Could be worse.

**Hope**: How?

**Snow**: Ninja could fall out of the sky right now and snap your neck.

**Fang**: Right…

**Ryu** **Hayabusa**: RIP AND TEAR!

**That ends the second part of this 3 part series…YES 3 PARTS! Relax, the next one isn't so taxing, hurts my fingers but other than that, I'll keep on typing. Ha! I also put in two (read: 2) guest in this! Sure, Ryu doesn't come in till the end but…come on. Strangely, my pits now smell like peanut butter. Also, Serah looks good in a bikini. (I lied: She looks REALLY good) Noel's outfit on the other hand…Well, that's all for this mad rant and hope you aren't on the other end of a Javelin.**


	21. Chapter 21: MW3 Multiplayer Part 3

**Haa hah! I am back! (And smelling like peaches, not to brag.) Damn. Gotta bring up something before we start, 5 Things Dead or Alive I like about:**

**1 - A tiny karate girl can (and possibly beat) a wrestler who is probably more than 3 times her size. This proves that at least some Japanese men aren't so sexist and would like to see a lady get her revenge on sexist bastards who think woman can't fight.**

**2 - Ninjas, that come from the land of the rising sun, tend to love their bright colours. Despite being…well…ninjas. That, or they really have the ability to fuck your shit up the more visible they are. Which Hayabusa proves is perfectly legit. (I wanna see Ryu in a silly clown outfit.)**

**3 - Only game I've seen and played (other than UFC 3) that lets me play like a goddamn decent camper. In case you start scoffing, let me remind you…I am a camper in a FIGHTING GAME! Imagine me however you see fit.**

**4 - Have I mentioned the NINJAS?**

**5 - I forgot number 5…I was watching boobs go boing. Just kidding. Now that DOA 5 is coming, I can return to one of my (first and) favourite fighting game I have ever played. (Considering I enjoy UMVC3 and Tekken, it should be rather obvious that I enjoy a fast-paced fighter.)**

**No offence or anything, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Soul Calibur or Virtua Fighter fans, all great games…just not for me. Anyways, this is the last part of this rather weird form of reviewing thing in the studio and yes, that means we return to Serah, Vanille, Noel and Director as we do this one last epic match of Last-Man-Standing…I sense a imminent "lucky" javelin as we begin FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Modern Warfare 3 (Part 3)**

**Director**: …and the steward offered me wine!

**Noel**: What's wrong with that?

**Director**: I was 15 and my mother was expecting me when I land.

**Vanille**: So, did you accept the offer?

**Director**: Of course! Wine is actually quite filling when chilled properly

**Serah**: So you pretty much drunk two whole bottles in two days.

**Director**: And no consequences, I might add. Slight headache but nothing willpower can't handle.

**Noel**: Great…what's the next match anyway?

**Director**: Underground…Last-Man-Standing.

**Serah**: Is it my turn to lead?

**Noel**: Might as well, seeing our plan didn't work out the last time.

**Vanille**: Well, That's what you get when you let two people who "kinda" like to charge forward lead an elite squad!

**Director**: Elite squad?

**Vanille**: …Yeah. I guess that was stretching it a bit.

**Noel**: A time traveler, a sister of a soldier, a former enemy of the state and a gun nut. Sounds like an elite squad to me.

**Serah**: Please, **Director** isn't a gun nut.

**Noel**: You and **Vanille** were in the toilet when he started explaining to me the unrealistic physics of each and every gun in the game.

**Vanille**: Really?

**Director**: Guilty as charged…and goddamn proud of it.

**Serah**: Well, we aren't much in the "looking like a badass" part.

**Vanille**: I'm starting to think that putting fur around my behind actually extenuate it.

**Noel**: Pity really. It was one of your best features.

**Serah**: I agree.

**Director**: Whaaa…

-_Viewers will subjected to a change of script-style_-

**Great_Kabooz**: All right, lead on.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Okay…Everybody split up!

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: I'm sticking with you.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: I get Director!

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: Who wants to bet that Snow will be the one that gets killed first?

**Great_Kabooz**: Not me.

_-__**Da_HEROIS**__ suicide (__M67 Grenade__)-_

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Seriously? Snow…

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: That stopped being funny during the first match.

**Great_Kabooz**: Fine with me. This just means that the other team is one short.

_-A few seconds later…-_

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: I spotted someone.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Me too. But…

**Great_Kabooz**: But? "But" what?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Their kinda not moving.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Their? You mean to say that the remaining 3 are still together?

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: Yeah.

**Great_Kabooz**: So…what now?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Just keep on moving to flank them. If they move, we'll open fire.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: I wonder why they're not moving.

**Great_Kabooz**: You and me both.

-_Viewers will subjected to a change of script-style_-

**Fang**: **Bahamut**! Fire your lasers at **Alexander**!

**Hope**: No!

_-__**Hope**__ cast protect on __**Alexander**__-_

**Lightning**: **Odin**! Take 'em both down!

**Snow**: Hah! You got noth…

_-__**Snow**__ is now unconscious-_

**Hope**: Okay, how did you do that?

**Fang**: Easily. Knock him out with the same move the first time we met too.

**Lightning**: I have the feeling that we got a little sidetracked.

**Hope**: Yeah…it's a weird feeling.

**Fang**: I think it has something to do with **Sazh**.

**Hope**: No…**Sazh** is here. Lying in pool of ketchup.

**Horatio** **Caine**: No… _-Takes off sunglasses-_ It's murder.

_-__**Horatio**__ inspects __**Sazh**__-_

**Horatio**: The body is still warm. Hmm…

**Fang**: What? Who the hell are you?

**Horatio**: Shh. I hear breathing, shallow gasp of air followed by silence.

**Hope**: That would be **Snow** here.

**Horatio**: Move him away from the crime scene. We don't want foreign contamination, do we now?

**Lightning**: No, sir.

-_**Lightning**__ carries __**Snow**__ into the…where are we again?-_

**Horatio**: No sign of struggle or any external bruises? Perhaps internal injuries. Hmm…maybe the lab techs would have better luck.

_-Looks over to __**Fang**__ and the just arrived __**Lightning**_-

**Horatio**: You two, condone off the area and someone should escort the "kid" out of the area.

**Hope**: He's talking about me, right?

**Lightning**: What do we do about the body till then, sir?

**Horatio**: Put him on ice for the moment.

**Lightning**: No, I meant **Snow**.

**Horatio**: Sounds to me like…_-puts on sunglasses-_ he's already on ice.

-_**Horatio**__ leaves-_

**Hope**: ...

**Lightning**: ...

**Fang**: That was certainly…unique.

-_Viewers will subjected to a change of script-style_-

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Okay! Has everybody got the enemy covered?

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Yup!

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111: **All set.

**Great_Kabooz**: I feel so empty without C4.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: At least we can ensure we win.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: I feel like I'm doing something bad.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Could be worse, you know.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: Yeah! We could have placed claymores all around them.

**Great_Kabooz**: I'm still slightly confused though.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: About why they're not moving, right?

**Great_Kabooz**: Yeah.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: I've got a theory…Maybe something happened to **Snow**, something very bad.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: I think **Snow** would have handled it just fine. I'm more concern that maybe **Fang** had something to do with **Snow** blowing himself up.

**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**: That sounds like the most plausible reason.

**Great_Kabooz**: Yeah…hey, we got around a minute left.

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: That wasn't much of a match.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Aww, man! I wanted to show off my tactical side.

**Great_Kabooz**: You still can. Give us the order to fire and we'll make sure your orders are absolute.

_-__**Flight69**__ killed (C4) by __**The_Future_Of_Mankind111**__-_

**Preedy_Sheepsy**: That was a "little" premature.

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Nevermind that…the time I've spent with all of you was one of the most strenuous yet rewarding moment of my life. Sure we've had our ups and downs but I've enjoyed every single banter we've ever had. Furthermore, coming here into this new land opened my eyes to rather spectacular culture and history both good and bad. Tea, coffee, pancake, curry and something called "prata" they were all tasty, delicious and yet "pratas" are diabolical oily. Or was it "ghee"?

**Great_Kabooz**: Are you gonna say "fire" or do you want us to do it ourselves?

**LiL_ThunD3R**: Oh right…FI

_-The game has ended-_

**Serah**: …RE!

**Noel**: Too late.

**Serah**: Come on!

**Vanille**: Calm down, we won!

**Director**: Whew…I'm done here.

_-__**Director**__ leaves-_

**Noel**: Now what?

**Serah**: We should see how the others are doing.

**Vanille**: I miss **Fang**.

**Serah**: And I do hope **Light** doesn't break our windows again.

**"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."**

**- Bertrand Russell**


	22. Chapter 22: Batman Part 1

**Here I was seating down with a cup of milk when I thought of something. What if, I was a baby? Then I realized that the chapters would sound like, **

**" vs xcnjkdfnvfh ,ko mjnuhby gtfvcdre **

**xstehtil97ujhytrg45wy478990-;9864vr;o.,ilkym **

**utrnyjhbtegvrfe cdo;.l,ikumyjnthbrgvecnhytjmuk,yiuuy " **

**Aunt SALLY: **YEAH! Cool story bro.

**Director: **I hate you.

**So, on with proper-ness! I don't think the next smudge of whatever needs a summary or even shout-out of sorts. You all know him as, "The Batman" as depicted across all media.**

**So, no complaining that "Batman isn't campy/Adam West was best Batman/Batman: No Man's Land was the greatest storyline ever/Brave and the Bold is disgraceful/Lego Batman was superior than Arkham: Whatever" or god-forbid "Batman and Robin should make out" NO. JUST NO. But just for kicks…Dick Grayson was best Batman substitute. EVER. (Sarcastic Batman? WANT.)**

**The Goddamn Batman**

**Director**: Hello folks! Today we got "The Batman" to review.

**Snow**: Who?

**Director**: Ha ha! I expected that reaction so I laid out several study material around the table as you can see. The TV meanwhile, plays some Batman shows and movies.

**Snow**: I'm not really the reading type, so I'll think I'll be watching some shows.

**Hope**: I'll try out the books.

**Sazh**: Me too.

**Noel**: I'll join **Snow**. I can't read anyway.

**Director**: Now I'm alone! But thankfully our guest today has heard of Batman.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

**Director**: Ahh…a recipient of the ellipsis. I too, use it although rather sparingly.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

**Director**: Indeed, the art of stealth demands silence. But somehow, it has made its way into several different characters across all media.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

**Director**: You see, this "dot dot dot" usually signifies a man of few words or a kind of "beat".

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

**Director**: But these recent times have given the trait of ellipsis to loner-type characters but mostly exist so the player's character won't react to stupidity done in their hands…make sense so far?

**Gordon** **Freeman**: -_Pulls out crowbar_-

**Director**: Okay…put that down.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: -_Puts crowbar away_-

**Director**: Good. Thank y…

**Gordon** **Freeman**: -_Pulls out crossbow_-

**Director**: What the? Where the hell are you putting that?

**Gordon Freeman**: -_Starts bunny-hopping across the room_-

**Director**: I should have gotten **Link** instead.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: -_Randomly breaking stuff_-

**Director**: Look, **Mr** **Freeman**, can I get you some gum or something so you can seat down?

**Gordon** **Freeman**: _-Stops destroying things. Stares at __**Director**_-

**Director**: Ohh! You want your Gravity Gun. Makes sense…no.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

**Director**: No.

**Gordon** **Freeman**: …

_-5 minutes later…_-

**Director**: OW GODDAMN IT! STOP HITTING ME!

**Gordon** **Freeman**: -_Hitting __**Director**__ with crowbar_-

**Director**: OW! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHETHER YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS!

**Hope**: Hey, **Director**? Can we review this at our own leisure? Cause this is a lot of reference material for us.

**Snow**: Yeah. What the kid said.

**Noel**: And he's gonna be a lot smarter than you.

**Snow**: Ohh! Is that so?

**Director**: ARGH! FINE! TAKE IT, TAKE IT!

**Hope**: Thanks!

**Sazh**: Lovin the funny stuff by the way.

-_Everyone leaves_-

**Director**: ARGH! WAIT! HELP ME FIRST!

**Gordon** **Freeman**: … -_Continues beating_-

**Director**: GODDAMN IT! I DON'T HAVE HEADCRABS! OW! YOU ARE HITTING ME!

**HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HAHA HAHAHA AH A AH AHAHAHA HAHA HA AH AH AH…I question myself sometimes. Of course, I won't leave this hanging. Await for part 2!**


	23. Chapter 23: MLP: Friendship is Magic

**Imma back! Let's cut straight to it. (More serious A/N at the end) If you happened to be unaware of recent writing, I happen to be a brony, and a fairly recent one at that. I'm proud of it…so let's get it over with. -Deep breath-**

**Oh My God! WHO THE HELL KNEW PONIES HAD GREAT SINGING VOICES! Also, I cannot believe that my most favourite voice actress is voicing Twilight Sparkle! Head onto Youtube for frankly, brilliant remixes of songs based on the songs in the show (They're mostly dubstep but goddamn…it. Is. AWESOME. P.S. As with most dubstep, it might make one ear bleed.) Seriously. (Check out OdysseyEurobeat and TheLivingTombstone for a few beats. But I cannot reiterate enough about taking care of your eardrums) A whole lot of added plus for hearing ****Ashleigh Ball sing (For the record, I kinda "sqee'd" several times just writing this down)…**

**Wait…I'm supposed to do something. Oh right, listen to me ranting before reviewing a review I was planning to review…as you can guess, the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**/)^3^(\**

**My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (Now 20% cooler!)**

**Director**: Anypony want some muffins?

**Vanille**: Sure. Why?

-_**Lightning**__ takes a muffin_-

**Lightning**: If there's bugs in this, I'll rip your throat out and feed your windpipe to your cat.

**Director**: How'd you know I have a cat?

**Serah**: You have a cat too? Can I come over one day! I'll bring **Snow** along so he wouldn't be so lonely all the time!

**Fang**: Why would you bring **Snow**?

**Lightning**: **Snow the cat**. Not "**Snow** the idiot".

**Vanille**: He he. Is "idiot" his title now?

**Fang**: You have a cat? Can I see him? …her? It?

**Serah**: Sure!

**Director**: Alright ladies, ease up. Today we're reviewing ponies.

-_**Lightning**__ starts choking on muffins_-

**Lightning**: …Wha..what?

**Director**: Like I said before I was interrupted, today we're reviewing ponies.

**Vanille**: …

**Fang**: …

**Serah**: …

**Fang**: Really?

**Director**: Yeah! And following the style of the previous reviews, we'll be doing this here and now!

**Serah**: **Snow** and I watched some already…actually.

**Director**: Really! You did! Sweet!

**Serah**: Ehhh…

**Director**: Oh, right…okay. Well, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a…well…kids show to be honest, supposedly aimed at young girls. Yet strangely, it has garnered a following of an older age group, who being outside the age group meant for the show have taken to call themselves "bronies" or "pegasisters".

**Serah**: It definitely has a colour scheme for suited for the younger eyes but it doesn't overdo it.

**Fang**: Okay. Let me get this straight. This show is meant for little girls.

**Director**: Yup.

**Vanille**: And people around your age watch it?

**Director**: Yup.

**Fang**: Might as well give it a try.

**Vanille**: We should. But I'm scared it'll turn me into what **Director** is now.

**Fang**: A grinning idiot?

**Serah**: **Snow**? Where?

**Lightning**: Why am I here then? This is clearly a "girls" thing.

**Director**: Are you implying that you're not a girl?

**Lightning**: Are you implying that you are one?

**Director**: If I get to watch more MLP, I don't flippin' care!

**Lightning**: You should have bought **Hope**, not me.

**Serah**: Please don't act like that. Just give it a chance.

-_Everypony gives __**Lightning**__ their best puppy dog eyes_-

**Lightning**: Errr…

**Everybody**: PLEASE!

**Lightning**: …Fine. Just one show, but **Director** has to promise to never do that face again.

**Director**: No deal.

-_**Lightning**__ prepares to leave_-

**Serah**: **Director**!

**Director**: Fine.

-_**Lightning**__ goes back to her seat_-

**Lightning**: Good, you see it my way.

**Director**: Well, you could learn a thing or two about kindness when you watch this.

**Lightning**: Pfft. I doubt it.

**Director**: If I wasn't loving and tolerating the crap outta you right now.

**Fang**: So…when are we starting?

**Director**: Soon…umm…hold on.

-_8 minutes later…-_

**Serah**: Are you having trouble?

**Director**: Hngggnnnn!

**Vanille**: It'll look really silly if you need someone to help you tie your shoe.

**Fang**: Well…do you?

**Director**: No! I can do this myself!

**Lightning**: -_Stare…-_

**Director**: What?

-_**Lightning**__ takes __**Director**__'s shoe and tosses it out the window_-

**Lightning**: Trouble solved.

**Director**: That was my shoe!

**Lightning**: Trouble. Solved.

**Serah**: I'll…switch the show on, shall I?

-_After the first two episodes_-

**Serah**: Hey, Fluttershy.

**Vanille**: Fluttershy!

**Director**: Flutters…

-_**Lightning**__ is choking __**Director**_-

**Lightning**: I will never be shy. Do. You. Understand?

**Director**: -_Choking noises_-

**Serah**: Let him go, sis.

**Lightning**: Eh.

-_**Lightning**__ lets go of __**Director**_-

**Director**: I win! -_Cough_-

**Fang**: Kinda cocky, aren't cha?

**Studio Door**: Opeeeennnnn…

**Serah**: Wha…

**Princess Luna**: BEHOLD LOWLY SUBJECTS! WE HAVE ARRIVED TO GRACE THEE WITH OUR PRESENCE!

**Vanille**: AAAHHH! **NIGHTMARE MOON**!

-_**Vanille**__ runs off. Don't ask me where_-

**Princess** **Luna**: WAIT! DO NOT FLEE! WE HAVE COME IN PEACE!

**Serah**: With that amount of shouting? I don't think so.

**Lightning**: Wait…wasn't she in this show?

**Fang**: Yeah. How did she get here?

**Director**: She was trapped in a statue for a thousand years, where do you expect a living goddess to go when she's stuck in one place?

**Serah**: It breaks physics for one thing.

**Fang**: I'm okay with that explanation.

**Lightning**: The one where a goddess dimension travels when she was turned into a statue?

**Fang**: Yes.

**Princess Luna**: WHY IS THEE SPEAKING IN HUSH WHISPERS? WE DEMAND ENTRANCE TO THIS PEASANT GOSSIP!

**Serah**: I should bring up another fact that a winged-unicorn is talking in our midst. And we're actually talking at our usual tone, **Princess**.

**Fang**: I thought it was more of a horned-pegasus.

**Lightning**: I gave up logic 5 minutes ago.

**Director**: Uhhh…

**Princess Luna**: WE ARE CONFUSED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS!

**Serah**: How's your sister?

**Princess Luna**: OUR SISTER HAS BANISHED US FOR THE SAFETY OF EQUESTRIA!

**Fang**: You didn't see a problem with that?

**Princess** **Luna**: OUR ONLY WISH WAS THAT WE WERE SENT TO THE MOON!

**Director**: Why?

**Princess** **Luna**: WE LIKE THE MOON!

**Lightning**: Can you speak a little softly?

**Princess** **Luna**: Umm…GIVE US A WEEK!

-_A week later_-

**Director**: Hey.

**Princess** **Luna**: Is this soft enough!

**Fang**: There's still an exclamation mark.

**Serah**: But it's definitely a step in the right direction. Right, **Light**?

**Lightning**: Not as hammy as before but I'm still feeling the aftershock of last week.

**Princess** **Luna**: We…I apologize!

**Lightning**: Ugh.

**Princess** **Luna**: Sorry.

**Director**: Anyway, I hope you all spent the better part of the week catching up on MLP.

**Lightning**: It's strange. I know being a soldier means I have to lay off the cuteness. But this show…its animation is so smooth, it feels almost natural. The voice-acting is appropriate for each character, so I really had to give high marks for voicing in this.

**Director**: I knew you'd get into it.

**Fang**: Well, we have to give all good voice actors high marks.

**Serah**: Why's that?

**Fang**: Actors on TV have control over their general movement and voice at the same time, while voice actors have to express it through their voices only. So any compelling character in animation owes its due to the voice actor but I've got to admit, the artist for My Little Pony did a superb job on the animation. Always a pity, they get as much credit but their there either way to make sure everything fits together perfectly…

**Director**: _Trot with me through the autumn leaves/  
>And keep close to stay warm.<br>Soon you'll see how much you mean to me/  
>Feelings I've never felt before<em>

_The leaves grow bright and yellow/_  
><em>Like her hair and eyes stay mellow.<em>  
><em>There's something special 'bout that mare.<em>

_I'd be a happy fellow /_  
><em>If I could just say hello.<em>  
><em>Have to be brave just don't be scared.<em>

**Serah**: **Director**?

**Director**: -_Takes out headphones_- What?

**Lightning**: -_Mutters_-

**Fang**: …

**Serah**: …

**Lightning**: **Director**, Come with me.

**Director**: Okay…

-_**Lightning**__ and __**Director**__ head off_-

**Princess** **Luna**: Where are they headed!

**Fang**: She muttered something about a "high place".

**Serah**: "High place"? We're on the tenth floor. Any higher and it'll be the roof…Ohh.

**Princess** **Luna**: Am I missing something here!

-_A deafening scream is heard_-

**Princess** **Luna**: What was that!

**Serah**: You know, you ask a lot of questions.

**Princess** **Luna**: I am a guest in this land! Am I not?

**Fang**: Hey. She's right.

-_**Lightning**__ comes back to join the cast_-

**Fang**: Where's **Director**?

**Lightning**: -_Smug grin_-

**Fang**: -_Raises an eyebrow_-

**Serah**: -_Shifty eyes_-

**Fang**: -_Big grin_-

**Princess** **Luna**: What is this facial conversation I am not having!

**Serah**: Yeah, why did you grin?

**Fang**: I was…caught up in the moment?

**Lightning**: Fair enough.

**Princess** **Luna**: Now I remember! You were a guardian at the palace once!

**Lightning**: What?

**Serah**: What?

**Princess** **Luna**: That demeanor, that clothing! It's all the same!

**Fang**: Ha ha ha ha ha ah hahahahah…

**Serah**: My sister was a pony?

**Lightning**: I was a marshmallow?

**Fang**: Ah ha ha ha ah ah ahah ahahahahah ahahha a hahhaha…

-_Everypony stare at __**Fang**_-

**Fang**: Ah ah ah ah…hu hum…ah. Marshmallow.

**Serah**: -_Chuckle_-

**Lightning**: Hmph.

**Fang**: Anyways, if **Director** was here, he'll be asking us which pony we like the most.

**Serah**: True that. He always falls back on that question.

**Lightning**: Let's get this over with then. -_Clears throat_- I like Applejack. She has a good head on her and…really tough. Her hair reminds me of Tifa though.

**Fang**: I rather enjoy Rarity. She looks smug and all that but she's the Element of Generosity. That is really taking the term "Don't judge a book by its cover" to its extreme. And she has a lovely singing voice to boot.

**Serah**: Fluttershy definitely! Her shyness just makes me want to hug someone! It is just so cute! Hey…kinda like me. Am I gonna go crazy too?

**Princess Luna**: Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo! The dark horse shall always triumph!

-_Meanwhile…10 floors below_-

**Director**: "Dear **Princess** **Celestia**, today I learn an important lesson about friendship. Sometimes friends will push you to the extreme so you can be better in the future. Case in point, I can handle, with minimum injury to fall 10 floors but falling 11 floors is apparently too much. Yours sincerely, **Director**."

**Para-Medic**: "…Yours sincerely, **Director**." Okay, do you want to send this?

**Director**: Yeah. -_Gets phone back_- Oh. It's running out of batteries.

**Para-Medic**: Here have this. It worked wonders with a man I knew way back.

-_**Director**__ received __Russian Glowcap_-

**Director**: Eeewww…by the way, did you find my shoe?

**Yeah…It was one week ago Director.**

**Anyway, this being a FFXIII story first and foremost, I have to explain that MLP: FIM is truly a good series to get into (It's like a slice-of-life anime story, mostly). Like Fang said, "Don't judge a book by its cover". Honestly, I can't force watching MLP onto you but please just respect other people likes and/or dislike with and open mind and not an angry heart. And remember, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.**

**Also, for all present bronies and ****pegasisters, please continue to support MLP by any way! (Even encouragements are wonderful, don't be afraid to start commenting on everything you love! The producers hears all!) Also, that weird tune Director started singing is "Griffin Village - Autumn (Derpy Hooves)" by JackleApp in case you were wondering. Whew! That was lengthy. Half of you reading must have made this far. Sadly, no special gift, just a round of applause from my side of the screen to show my appreciation. **

**-CLAP CLAP CLAP-**


	24. Chapter 24: Dragon's Dogma

**Did ya miss me? Before I begin with the summary, I would to apologize if my writing isn't as good or funny as before. Being in the Army doesn't really provide an opportunity to really brush up and maintain my dictation skills. But enough about me, here's the summary.**

_Dragon's Dogma is an Action-RPG made by Capcom. Blending Western mythology creatures with a Japanese style of gameplay, it portrays itself almost like a Monster Hunter (also by Capcom) Western successor. With deep customization options, one can really live out an epic fantasy in the game._

**That's right folks, I'll be reviewing Dragon's Dogma. Personally, I think it's an amazing game and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoyed; the older Resident Evil, Kingdoms of Amalur, Monster Hunter and me…just kidding, if you're saving up for something else, SAVE UP FIRST!**

**p.s. My PSN (Sorry, no 360) is either Great_Kabooz or Owen_Grayll. Why do I put my account in? Pawns made by friends in the game cost nothing to hire into the party.**

**With that, let's get ready as the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Dragon's Dogma**

**Director**: Ah crap.

**Vanille**: What's wrong?

**Director**: Today's topic sheet. It wants us to go through all this in one sitting.

**Snow**: Let's get this over with then!

**Sazh**: **Trenchcoat's** right. Let's do this.

**Director**: Sorry. I'm just a little tired.

**Hope**: From doing what?

**Lightning**: Marching with me.

**Fang**: You got tired from walking?

**Director**: To be fair, I had to wear full battle attire while **Claire** just stroll around with her gunblade.

**Lightning**: My sword still weights around a kilogram.

**Director**: My field pack weight 7 KG. My weapon was 3 KG and my body armor was 4 KG.

**-**_For further understanding: 7kg = 15lb, 4kg = 9lb, 3kg = 7lb (rounded off) easier to imagine the weight now?-_

**Vanille**: That sounds heavy!

**Director**: With added hard plates I might add and I still kept up with you.

**Sazh**: That sounds rough, soldier-boy.

**Director**: You got that right. You know what, **Claire** you handle my job today.

**Lightning**: Where are you going?

**Director**: Massage parlor. See ya!

-_**Director**__ has left the building_-

**Lightning**: Great… alone with you guys again.

**Snow**: Aww. Don't be like that, sis.

**Hope**: I know I was slowing you down a bit, but you didn't have to put it like that.

**Lightning**: I'm… sorry. I suddenly felt guilty for some reason.

-_FLASHBACK_-

**Director**: Damn it! Stop walking in front of me and slowing down!

**Lightning**: A soldier needs to prepared for anything!

**Director**: What the shit?

**Lightning**: Do you want me to take your pack for you, master?

**Director**: What. The. Shit.

**Lightning**: Prepared for anything.

**Director**: Why would an opponent start being nice to me?

**Lightning**: Your pack looks big enough for me to sit.

**Director**: Whoa now! Don't go changing the subject!

-_**Lightning**__ sits on __**Director's**__ pack-_

**Director**: Ffffffffff-

**Lightning**: What's wrong? Not trained to lift people?

**Director**: I'm not a medic!

-_FLASHBACK END_-

**Lightning**: He was a real gentleman.

**Fang**: **Light**? You okay?

**Lightning**: Yeah. Why'd you ask?

**Director**: It's been two days. You've been here since then.

**Lightning**: Ahh.

**Vanille**: Hey! Where's **Serah** and **Noel**?

**Snow**: **Serah's** helping **Noel** pick out new clothes.

**Hope**: For two days?

**Snow**: Yea… I should try and check up on them.

-_**Snow**__ leaves_-

**Hope**: That reminds me.

-_**Hope**__ leaves_-

**Director**: Did I do something wrong?

**Fang**: Nah. **Light** just haven't bath for two days.

**Vanille**: Ha.

**Lightning**: **Director** smells worse.

**Director**: You try lying in a grave-sized hole you dug yourself for two straight night.

**Fang**: Could've been worse. Might have rained.

**Director**: It did.

-_Door opens, __**Snow**__ comes in_-

**Vanille**: We should really start reviewing the game.

**Snow**: I wanna review something else for a change.

**Fang**: Like what?

**Snow**: I don't know? Food, maybe?

**Vanille**: I want to review music!

**Fang**: I want to review this "Bear Grills" person.

**Lightning**: I want to leave.

**Director**: I'm gonna be frank, none of you are getting what you want.

-_**Director**__ gets toss out the window_-

**Snow**: Hey. That felt great!

**Lightning**: You tossed out a soldier who was recovering.

**Snow**: Ehh… he'll live?

-_Door opens __**Hope**__ and __**Sazh**__ comes in_-

**Hope**: I found **Sazh**! Hey… where's **Director**?

-_**Fang**__ points at the broken window_-

**Sazh**: Already?

**Vanille**: And where have you been?

**Sazh**: I was babysitting **Hope** when I fell asleep. He just woke me up.

**Hope**: You were house-keeping, not babysitting!

**Sazh**: Could've fooled me.

**Lightning**: By the way **Snow**, how are **Serah** and **Noel**.

**Snow**: Oh right. **Noel** crashed into your house when **Serah** was teaching him how to drive.

**Lightning**: …

**Snow**: Don't worry, it didn't even damage your room.

**Lightning**: And how would you have known?

**Snow**: I checked it personally. Went into your room and checked every corner. Gotta say, you keep some weird st…

-_**Lightning**__ tosses __**Snow**__ out the window_-

**Sazh**: Whoa! What was that that for?

**Lightning**: Nothing…nothing at all.

**Vanille**: Review?

**Lightning**: Right. Umm… where's the notes **Director** always reads off from?

**Sazh**: It's here, in my hair.

**Lightning**: …

**Hope**: …

**Fang**: …

**Sazh**: But it's true! Look…

-_**Sazh**__ pulls out the notes from his afro_-

**Hope**: Huh. Who knew.

**Fang**: I had a guess.

**Lightning**: Forget that. Let's see… "expectations"?

**Fang**: Oh! I think **Director** wanted to ask about our expectation on the game.

**Hope**: Let me be the first to say that I was expecting a lot worse than this. The whole game initially felt uninspired looking like Dark Souls in a Skyrim game until… I played it.

**Sazh**: I don't know. Expected dragons, got dragons. What else is there?

**Vanille**: I wanted a flower-picking game.

**Hope**: It's called Dragon's Dogma. How could you assume that it was a flower-picking game?

**Vanille**: I thought it was the name of a rare flower.

**Fang**: Ah hahaha… silly **Vanille**.

**Lightning**: Moving on. Story-wise…

**Hope**: Was crap!

**Fang**: I wholeheartedly agree.

**Vanille**: At least it's easy to understand. I think that even a baby flan could follow it.

**Sazh**: But it's so boring.

**Fang**: Pretty much everything else is better in every way.

**Lightning**: Well, someone had to be paid less. How about the graphics?

**Fang**: In the game, not so good. Once you talk to someone they never close their mouth.

**Vanille**: But the cutscene, like at the beginning with the dragon falling out the sky was amazing-looking.

**Hope**: Location-wise, it was really nice but I was hoping for more diversity other than the plains, mountains and forest locations.

**Sazh**: It was "eh".

**Lightning**: "eh"? Alright, how was the gameplay? One good point and one bad point if possible. And no repeating.

**Vanille**: Pawn system was great! Click and go! Bad points… the affinity system was definitely iffy. I didn't like the queen person but she became the one I had to save.

**Hope**: The fighting in the game is definitely tight. But the travelling is such a chore. I will never understand why it's so expensive to fast travel in the game.

**Lightning**: You just don't like marching.

**Hope**: Uhh… sorry?

**Sazh**: I enjoyed the bow. The game doesn't have guns.

**Fang**: I enjoyed trying out the different vocation but I stuck to warrior. Also, I now hate dogs.

**Lightning**: Speaking of vocation, which did you find was your favorite?

**Fang**: Like I said, Warrior class. Two-handed weapon user simply put.

**Vanille**: Mage! Only class that has healing and pain!

**Hope**: Sorcerer for me! Double the mage, double the pain!

**Sazh**: Magick archer. Those homing arrows never got old.

**Lightning**: Uh huh.

**Fang**: How 'bout you?

**Lightning**: Mystic… something. Anyway, I got the last question here.

**Hope**: Why do you say that it's the last question?

**Lightning**: The note's torn in halves. So the other half should be in Sazh's afro.

**Sazh**: Damn. My hair is going to be messy tomorrow morning.

**Lightning**: Sure. How did you all make your characters?

**Sazh**: Tried making myself, but the 'fro in the game seems a little… off, 'ya know.

**Hope**: You like afros, don't you.

**Sazh**: How ever did you guess.

**Hope**: I just tweaked the default character a bit. Nothing special.

**Fang**: How 'bout your partner?

**Hope**: -_Mumbles incoherently_-

**Sazh**: Come again?

**Lightning**: Nevermind that, we're running out of time. Who's next?

**Vanille**: I didn't know how to make it, so I made an ugly person.

**Fang**: And I made a small… kid? I don't know anymore.

**Lightning**: Ugly person… and a small person.

**Hope**: Wait, didn't you say you used the two-handed weapons, **Fang**?

**Fang**: So? What of it?

**Hope**: N…Nothing. Sorry.

**Lightning**: Good, we are done. I've got to check on the house.

-_**Lightning**__ leaves_-

**Sazh**: So… we're done? I'm going back to bed.

**Ha ha ha! I'm done! Ah crap. I forgot, I'm gonna have to do guard duty this week and sorry about ranting about the marching (It was really heavy, as you all read). Another sleepless night for me! On a side note, I hope you all caught the last episode of MLP… cause it was AWESOME! With that however, I bid thee ado. Take care and don't get into trouble.**

**TOUGH AND EFFECTIVE**


	25. Chapter 25: End of the World

**I'm here, alive and kicking. Probably thought I was dead, didn't ya? So, the prophecy that Doomsday is here has officially come and gone (Writing this on the 22 December 2012… had to wait for the Americas to catch us in Asia) and we're still here! Lightning would be getting a new game too! So let's get on with it! As the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**21 December 2012: The End That Never Came**

**Director**: Woohoo! It is good to be back!

**Hope**: Will this be quick? I have things to invent and oversee.

**Director**: When did you go all sourpuss? Oh… I see. Okay then, folks I know this is recent development but Hope just grew up! Meet the Director of the Academy, **Hope Estheim**!

**Fang**: Didn't you two meet daily for your gaming sessions or something?

**Director**: Yeah… just not face to face. There's something called the internet.

**Vanille**: I heard about that! **Sazh** watches women on it!

**Sazh**: Where did you get that idea!?

**Vanille**: I saw you when you asked me to babysit **Dajh**.

**Fang**: Eww.

**Sazh**: They happened to be fully clothes ladies. I was trying out this online dating thing.

**Fang**: Oh.

**Director**: What about you and **Snow**, **Serah**?

**Serah**: Well, they found out they both like eating so they bonded over food.

**Noel**: It wasn't like that.

**Snow**: No, no. We punched each other till we liked it! None of that 'bonding over dinner' kind of thing.

**Noel**: Exactly. But I've gotta say… I really like them crepes.

**Vanille**: I when to China to look at pandas!

**Fang**: I wanted to eat one. But they said they were endangered animals. If they were so dangerous, it would make sense to eat one, right?

**Hope**: I don't want to be the one to explain what 'endangered' is to her.

**Director**: **Light**, how about you?

**Lightning**: You didn't come to training with me because you were playing 'games' with **Hope**…

**Director**: I didn't tell you? Completely slipped my mind, can I apologize?

**Lightning**: No…

**Director**: …

**Snow**: Awkward…

**Serah**: **Snow**!

**Hope**: **Snow** hasn't change at all.

**Snow**: And you like pink hair, you punk! I saw you holding **Serah's** hand for way too long, buddy!

**Hope**: You were nicer to me when I was younger.

**Fang**: You seem more confident of yourself too.

**Hope**: I had a great teacher.

**Vanille**: Who? Me, **Sazh** or the chocobo?

**Sazh**: Probably me. I am a great guy after all.

**Hope**: _-Facepalm-_

**Director**: Here about the end of the world and all… **Light**, I am sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise.

**Lightning**: I still have a job to do, I can't indulge in forgiveness.

**Director**: Come on, look on the bright side. You're getting a new game dedicated to you.

**Fang**: She's getting to be in another one? That's just flan poo.

**Snow**: Maybe if you commit to kissing **Light** they'll consider you.

**Vanille**: Hee hee.

**Serah**: I think **Vanille** looks forward to it.

**Noel**: Kiss?

**Hope**: It's where two people engage in… lip giving?

**Director**: Ugh. Put your lips on someone and that is kissing… in its most basic sense.

**Sazh**: We're here for something, right?

**Lightning**: This 'End of the World' nonsense.

**Director**: I wanted to go off in a blaze of glory if it was true actually.

**Lightning**: What the hell was your plan?

**Director**: Stuff fire crackers down my pants and run down the street screaming like a girl.

**Vanille**: That sounds dangerous but something **Fang** might do.

**Fang**: Hey! Well maybe…

**Sazh**: Wanted to see if a giant lizard started terrorizing Tokyo.

**Hope**: That sounds like a good idea… why didn't I think about it.

**Serah**: You were busy making this a better place.

**Snow**: Yeah! Thanks, now I can eat bananas and not get jumped by lunatics wanting to eat some.

**Noel**: That was me and that was my banana!

**Fang**: Guys and their bananas.

**Director**: **Fang** and **Vanille**, you're next.

**Vanille**: I wanted a panda.

**Fang**: And that's all she's going to bring up if we keep discussing this topic.

**Director**: Okay… How about a panda?

**Vanille**: WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Lightning**: Ow, my ear.

**Director**: Nice to see **Claire** still has sarcasm on her side.

**Lightning**: I want to punch you in the face so badly…

**Director**: **Hope**, your plans before I die.

**Hope**: I wanted to… go on a… date with… **Light**…

**Lightning**: Sure.

**Serah**: Really? We can go on a double date!

**Snow**: Will you be wearing a dress?

**Sazh**: I don't even think she owns one.

**Noel**: Or seen one.

**Fang**: Ouch! That was harsh.

**Noel**: I was being left out.

**Vanille**: How 'bout hanging out with me?

**Noel**: Sure… I guess that'll be fun.

**Fang**: Well, that just leaves you, me and **Director**.

**Director**: I've got work.

**Sazh**: On Christmas?

**Director**: Perks of being in the army I guess. Somebody has to protect you guys.

**Fang**: Don't know what old people do for fun but how 'bout we spy on the double date?

**Sazh**: Sound fine to me. I always wanted to play detective.

**Serah**: We're still here you know.

**Fang**: Just play along!

**Director**: Well, I'm done here. I apologise to **Snow**, **Serah** and **Noel** for not asking about dooms day but we can only go so far. See you all next time!

**TIME TO WATCH MORE PONY!**


	26. Chapter 26: Two Best Friends Play

**Hey! It's Christmas (Or at least after Christmas) and I just spent a day watching MR BLOBBY! Save yourselves… he comes from the 90's. Wacky decade that was but I was born in '93 so I can't say I remember much. By the way, FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Two Best Friends Play**

**Director**: Welcome back from where ever you came from after Christmas! I certainly didn't go anywhere, I had work.

**Snow**: How about food? That should be good, right?

**Noel**: I don't think he got a chance.

**Director**: Nah. I had some nice food that day.

**Hope**: Was it **Light's** cooking?

**Lightning**: Why would I cook for him?

**Serah**: Because before I left for Christmas dinner with **Snow**, you were cooking up something.

**Fang**: Aww! That sounds adorable. The fierce **Lightning**, cooking… I can just imagine the look of concentration on your face.

**Sazh**: Why you starting to puff up, soldier girl?

**Director**: She made enough for **Hope** and me. Hope wasn't whiney enough to tell people he had work too.

**Hope**: I… didn't have work at all this month.

**Director**: Ahh. By the way, what was that pink…

-_**Director**__ gets thrown out the window by __**Lightning**_-

**Lightning**: Before he says anything else, let's begin.

**Noel**: The window…

**Director**: And I'm not dead!

**Sazh**: Huh?

**Vanille**: How did you?

**Fang**: Are you standing…outside?

**Snow**: On the 10th floor?

**Serah**: So I guess nobody other than **Hope** and I noticed that we're still on the ground floor?

**Noel**: Ground floor, when?

**Director**: The studio hated that most of our funds was being used to buy insurance so we shifted the studio to a lower floor. And besides, if this keeps on happening, I'm going to be in an underground room and you'll still try to throw me out the window.

**Lightning**: I would.

**Hope**: What'd **Light** cook for you anyway? I got honeyed chicken with rice.

**Director**: I got curry. Japanese-styled though, it wasn't really spicy and that pink…

-_**Lightning**__ punches __**Director**__ in the jaw.-_

**Director**: Ahh. That would hurt a lot more if I didn't get punch often. Something tells me you wouldn't want me talking about that so… We are here today reviewing… seems more like we're just talking about Two Best Friends Play! The premise is pretty much what it says, two friends play a game and whatever interesting happens gets uploaded.

**Snow**: Which one is Matt and which one is Pat?

**Director**: Uhh…

**Serah**: Are you serious?

**Director**: I know one has a skull beanie and the other is ginger.

**Hope**: I have to admit, I'm kinda lost too.

-_**Sazh**__, __**Vanille**__, __**Fang**__ and __**Noel**__ all nod simultaneously. __**Lightning**__ is generally uninterested.-_

**Serah**: Matt is the 'crazy' crazy sounding one and Pat is the 'angry' crazy sounding one.

**Fang**: What if they don't talk. How would you tell the difference?

**Serah**: Matt wears the beanie and Pat is ginger.

**Sazh**: But what if we can't see them or hear them?

**Noel**: I don't think that'll matter because we never get to see their real faces.

**Sazh**: Oh. It's was just that Vanille wanted to know.

**Vanille**: No I didn't!

**Sazh**: That's what you say but what were you really thinking?

**Vanille**: Pandas.

**Fang**: Still? I thought that phase was over! ARGH!

**Snow**: So what's a ginger?

**Director**: Look at **Vanille**.

**Snow**: I don't get it.

**Director**: We can continue with that... The friends are game reviewers in the loosest sense choosing to play snippets and comment on random stuff… sometimes not even on the games themselves.

**Noel**: I do have question which may or may not be related.

**Director**: Sure.

**Noel**: Who's Hitomi J-cup?

**Hope**: Oh… mmm.

**Serah**: You know who it is?

**Hope**: No…nope.

**Lightning**: You know, you're terrible at lying.

**Hope**: Fine. But because only **Serah** asked, she only gets to know.

-_**Hope**__ starts whispering in __**Serah's**__ ear. __**Serah's**__ face goes from calm to terrified to having deep red cheeks._-

**Director**: How long are you going to explain it to her?

**Hope**: Sorry.

**Sazh**: Can you tell us, little lady?

**Serah**: Uh! Umm…hhnnggg.

**Director**: **Serah**, You okay?

**Serah**: Imagination running wild. Need to not think.

**Snow**: I'll help with that!

-_**Snow**__ cast Blizzara on __**Serah**_-

**Serah**: Brain freeze!

**Lightning**: How was that supposed to help?

**Snow**: Help? I just thought **Serah** wanted ice cream.

**Lightning**: Why did we move the studio? The window would have been a fine option right now!

**Director**: Sad to say I kinda agree.

**Fang**: So anyway, I guess this review isn't going to work well because we don't have anything to compare it too.

**Vanille**: We're only just discussing about it, remember?

**Director**: Right! How we doing?

**Studio** **Team**: -_You've got 30 minutes left.-_

**Sazh**: 30 minutes left of what?

**Hope**: I have an EMP charging and the Academy that will knock out power for the entire country.

**Serah**: Wait, what? Why?

**Snow**: Hey, Serah's fine!

**Hope**: -_shrug_-

**Sazh**: See what happens when someone gets too much power.

**Lightning**: I got Odin.

**Hope**: No… that was because you felt responsible for me but you also believe that you couldn't save me because you couldn't protect **Serah**.

**Director**: Woah! Too heavy! Back to Two Best Friends!... Besides doing the regular things, they also do 'Let's Play' and one of the better known ones were on Silent Hill: Downpour.

**Sazh**: Talking about those, there seem a little more mature on them than on their show then on their Let's Play.

**Vanille**: True but you can only act psychotic for so long.

**Sazh**: Or lie.

**Director**: Stop bringing up the past!

**Fang**: **Snow** is dumb.

**Director**: Stop it… oh wait, that's still true.

**Snow**: Hey!

**Serah**: But he's so cute!

**Fang**: Actually, I take that back. He's more stubborn than dumb.

**Snow**: Thanks, I guess.

**Fang**: In any case, I prefer them when they when through their Let's Plays… I start hearing about things that I've never heard before like S.D Perry's novels in the RE2 Let's Play… Although, it does seems a little out of place to put them in a Let's Play, maybe.

**Hope**: I think their fine doing what they do. It certainly has a charm of uniqueness and their videos are quite entertaining.

**Lightning**: I stopped watching halfway through and changed it to watching about the military tactics instead.

**Vanille**: I like the recent Scribblenauts episode! I like Cthuhlu! I wanna drive a panda!

**Sazh**: The point of that is?

**Vanille**: Pandas getting to drive on roads. Because they are fat.

**Noel**: I blanked out… I heard a lot of stupid though.

**Director**: Okay, enough. I'm already getting enough flak from the studio to hurry this on but… when's the EMP occurring again?

**Hope**: Umm… let me call **Alyssa**.

-_**Hope**__ calls __**Alyssa**__. Nods a few times and puts the phone away_.-

**Hope**: She said something about thinking of making the Fal'cie we created the voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger so that if ever goes back in time, we'll recreate Terminator at the very least.

**Director**: Nobody here is named Sarah Conner, so I don't think that'll work.

**Hope**: I'll call **Alyssa** back to tell her to hire someone named Sarah Conner.

-_**Hope**__ takes out his phone_.-

**Lightning**: What about the EMP?

**Sazh**: What EMP?

**Vanille**: What's EMP?

**Serah**: EMP stands for Electronic-Magnetic Pulse and is used in warfare to disable all electronic objects.

**Fang**: Like my toaster?!

**Noel**: That's the thing you're most concerned about?

**Fang**: It's the first thing I bought when I came to Earth! Of course I'll be worried!

**Director**: EMP effects are normally temporary… right, **Hope**?

-_**Hope**__ puts away his phone_.-

**Hope**: Nah.

**Director**: What?!

**Hope**: Just kidding. It'll be harmless to toasters.

**Fang**: Yay!

**Sazh**: Only toasters?

**Hope**: Toasters, TV's, those stuff in the hospitals and pacemakers.

**Lightning**: My toaster will be safe at least.

**Snow**: You two have a lot more in common than I cared to count.

**Serah**: I've been thinking that. They kinda have the same bust size.

**Noel**: Bust?

**Vanille**: **Noel's** still too young. -_snigger_-

**Fang**: Mine are way bigger!

**Lightning**: I'm not getting into this. **Hope's** already bleeding from the nose and **Director's** pants are at his knees.

**Director**: What the hell is wrong with wearing short shorts?

**Lightning**: You're wearing a suit with it.

**Sno6hw**: It's something so stupid that I would never wear it.

**Di=r..e/ecdor**: I think the EMPs been activated.

**HO.'3**: Well, dung.

**I'll leave it at that. I was a twat throughout but whatever. I wanna say something philosophical here but I could only come up with equations that end with the number 2; 2=2, 1+1, 100/50, the number 5 upside down and so on and so forth. Well, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I'll still be working!**


	27. Chapter 27: An Interview?

**AGRH! Pie is so good I mess up my house with numerous portions of it. Apologize again for the wait, I am really, really sorry (I blame my old laptop). Anyway, I thought will do something different just 'because'. Let's start FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Tomb Raider**

**(Interviewing Lara Croft)(Badly…)**

**Lightning**: Where in Etro's name is everybody?

-_Somebody knocks on the studio's door_-

**Fang**: -_Yawn…_- Who that?

_-Door opens-_

**Lara** **Croft**: Umm… I'm here for the interview for the expedition.

**Lightning**: Expedition?

**Fang**: Interview? We do interviews now?

**Lightning**: When did you get here anyway?

**Fang**: I… -_Long pause_-

**Lara**: Am I in the wrong place?

**Fang**: Ahh! I had a weird dream and was wondering whether **Director** could help.

**Lightning**: He's somewhere else now. You know that, don't you?

**Lara**: This '**Director**' asked me to come in today.

**Lightning**: Like I said, he's somewhere else.

**Fang**: Where?

**Lightning**: I don't know. He wouldn't tell me.

**Lara**: So do I stay or do I go?

**Fang**: You might as well stay. I have beer in… how old are you?

**Lara**: 21. But I don't drink.

**Fang**: Heyyyy… **Light**! She's the same age as us!

**Lightning**: I heard… what's this in my chair?

**Lara**: That's papyrus… a modern one by the look of it, probably made in China too.

-_**Lightning**__ opens up the roll of papyrus_-

**Lightning**: Yadda yadda… hmm

_-__**Fang**__ tries to resist from bursting into laughter-_

**Lara**: What's happening?

_-__**Fang**__ stuffs her face into a cushion and waves off __**Lara's**__ question-_

**Lightning**: Ahh… -_puts down the papyrus_- **Miss** **Croft**, pleasure to meet you.

**Lara**: Likewise… what was on that?

_-__**Fang**__ removes her face from the cushion-_

**Fang**: **Croft**? You look fine for crawling through shit.

**Lara**: Thank… you?

**Lightning**: Audience… I forgot about the audience.

**Fang**: o_o

**Lightning**: You forgot too.

**Lara**. And you slept here.

**Fang**: I don't think I was touched.

**Lightning**: Anyhow, welcome back. Today, our guest is **Miss Lara Croft** from Tomb Raider.

-_polite applause-_

**Lara**: I'm from England and why are you calling me a tomb raider?

**Fang**: -_Whispers to __**Lightning**_- I think she's one of 'those'.

**Lightning**: -_nods_- Ahem… I meant your expedition, it made you go through tombs.

**Fang**: And she thought tomb raider sounded cool.

_-__**Lightning**__ glares at __**Fang**__-_

**Lara**: A traumatic experience… I lost friends. People close to me.

**Fang**: Hey. Are you sleeping with **Sam**?

**Lara**: What!? I don't think that's an appropriate question!

**Fang**: Come on. You're so close…

**Lara**: As friends!

**Fang**: Like me and **Light** here?

_-__**Fang**__ places her hand across __**Lightning's**__ shoulder while grinning-_

**Lightning**: Get your hands off me.

_-__**Fang**__ removes her hand while keeping her grin-_

**Lara**: I'm not…

**Lightning**: Nobody said you were. **Fang** here has a dirty mind.

**Fang**: Says the one who exposed her breast to me.

**Lightning**: Didn't we promise not to bring that up again?

**Fang**: Not that I remember.

**Lara**: I'm feeling really awkward…

**Lightning**: I will kill you.

**Fang**: Bring it on, **Pinkie**!

**Lara**: Stop! We don't need to resort to childish squabbles to settle this kind of small arguments.

**Fang**: Childish?

**Lightning**: I have a sword…

**Fang**: And I definitely won't be utilizing any slapping.

**Lara**: …Who are you people?

**Lightning**: Reviewers.

**Fang**: Critics?

**Lightning**: By the goddess. Let me think…

**Fang**: How 'bout singers?

**Lightning**: I don't sing.

**Lara**: Did I come across a touchy subject?

**Fang**: Not at all, more confusing but other than that we should be fine.

**Lightning**: Why do penguins keep popping in my head?

**Lara**: Are you sure?

**Fang**: Well, one of us is fine...

**Lightning**: What? Did I say something?

**Lara**: Nope.

**Fang**: You're getting the hang of this.

**Lightning**: I'm starting to have that weird feeling that we're drifting off topic again.

**Lara**: My expedition?

**Fang**: Right, the Yamatai.

**Lara**: Correct. Anyway, during the expedition, we found out that the supernatural does exist although the only witness alive is me and **Sam**.

**Lightning**: Uh-huh.

**Lara**: And that means that numerous other things like the stories of dinosaurs that still exist somewhere or the disappearance of Amelia Earhart and of numerous others could be explained by being a supernatural occurrence.

**Fang**: Wait a second… us being here is kinda supernatural.

**Lightning**: You're right.

**Lara**: Huh… really?

**Lightning**: **Serah** likes to collect artefacts. You and her would get along great.

**Lara**: I relish sharing knowledge with another archeologist.

**Fang**: Nah, she just throws that moogle of hers.

**Lightning**: Did I ever tell you the story of how she got that moogle?

**Lara**: What's a moogle? It sounds Japanese.

**Fang**: Or slang for a female cow.

**Lightning**: -_Snigger_-

**Lara**: Are you…

**Fang**: Yes, yes I am.

**Lightning**: What? Finally admit you're an idiot?

**Fang**: Now, now. There's no need to go that far.

**Lightning**: Sorry, that was meant for **Snow**.

**Lara**: Who?

**Fang**: You are so going to love him…

**Lara**: I feel slightly molested.

**Lightning**: How are we doing?

**Fang**: We're not good at this interview thing.

**Lara**: I feel like having pie.

**Lightning**: Can I join?

**Fang**: Me too?

**Lara**: Sure.

**I'm off to camp to parade around for some dude! A lot of marching for me… At least it's not too hot these past few days. So sorry it's so short though but at least I ain't dead! **

**Actually, I'm putting in a request: If you want a guest on with certain members of the FFXIII Cast, put it the review and I'll do my best to integrate them in. I'm honestly starting to get a little OOC with the Cast anyways.**

**Don't expect quickness like when I started off, but be hopeful more will come… with that, Bye!**


	28. Chapter 28: Last of Us

**Better late than never, eh? (Gets pelted with tomatoes) He he. Sorry people I've been busy because I have 'responsibilities' like family and work. Everybody heard of the next-gen console war? Very excited for KINGDOM HEARTS 3 and FFXV. Expecting lightning and Co. to make an appearance in KH3 myself but dilly-dally shilly-shally, we're here because the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**The Last Of Us**

**Director**: Evening folks! Today, we have the cast here reviewing Last of Us. Any impressions about it?

**Vanille**: I thought it was a movie so **Fang** and I let **Hope** play it while we watch.

-_**Fang**__ nods_-

**Sarah**: You people look weird, collectively speaking. Blond guy there looks most normal but still dress rather… girly.

**Snow**: -_Shocked_- You're not **Serah**!

**Sarah**: I sorta am.

**Snow**: No, I meant **Serah**.

**Fang**: When did you get here?

**Sarah**: **Director** is a friend of my dad's so he bought me here.

-_The door gets kicked in and __**Lightning**__, __**Serah**__ and __**Hope**__ appear with a man behind them_-

**Lightning**: I found this guy looking through the windows of this building.

**Serah**: He said he was looking for his daughter. A note said to look here.

-_**Joel**__ spots __**Sarah**_-

**Sarah**: Dad!

**Joel**: Good to see you safe at least.

-_Everybody went 'aww' as __**Joel**__ and __**Sarah**__ hug_-

**Joel**: Thanks for taking care of her while I was gone, **Director**.

-_They leave_-

**Vanille**: I wanted them to stay longer!

**Director**: Nah. Too much problems.

**Serah**: Problems? More like 'lazy'.

**Director**: I am not… yea, I am.

**Snow**: Where's **Sazh**?

**Hope**: A haze near his place making it hard to breathe. So he's staying indoors.

**Director**: Yo! Last of Us!

**Lightning**: Oh yeah, that.

**Serah**: I really like it! It was a very good looking game.

**Hope**: And the way the characters interacted with each other or their surroundings seemed really fluid.

**Vanille**: I like the spring!

**Fang**: Speaking of that, it had a decent completion time. It took **Hope** half a day to complete the game. But the way it cut between the seasons actually spoiled the game for me. I felt that they could have done something between those transitions.

**Snow**: I was sleeping. I got killed to many times…

**Serah**: He did, but that's when I took over!

**Lightning**: I was making dinner. I didn't get a chance to play.

**Vanille**: Make a pouty face!

**Lightning**: No.

**Fang**: Make a pouty face!

**Lightning**: No.

**Director**: Make a pouty fa…

-_**Lightning**__ punches __**Director**__ across the room_-

Serah: Make a pouty face!

**Lightning**: Ergh… Okay.

-_**Lightning**__ makes a pouty face… use your imagination_-

**Serah**: That. Was. Adorable!

**Fang**: I didn't know **Light** could make that face.

**Vanille**: **Hope's** dead.

-_Everybody looks to see __**Vanille**__ eating popcorn over __**Hope's**__ unconscious body_-

**Snow**: Where'd you get the food?

**Vanille**: -_Shrugs_-

**Lightning**: Uh. Where's **Director**?

**Fang**: Sprawled out at that corner.

**Lightning**: How? Is he okay?

**Snow**: …

**Serah**: You do know you did that to him, right?

**Lightning**: I'll take him to the hospital.

**Vanille**: Don't forget about **Hope** too!

-_**Lightning**__ goes and puts __**Director**__ and __**Hope**__ over her shoulders and leaves_-

**Snow**: Right, who do we have left?

**Serah**: Umm, **Fang**, **Vanille** and me.

-_The door burst in_-

**Ellie**: -_Spotting __**Serah**__ first_- Nice hair.

**Serah**: Thanks. I guess?

**Ellie**: Sorry to be vague but can I hide out here for a while?

**Vanille**: Why?

**Ellie**: Playing hide and seek with a friend. I actually thought this building was empty but when a lady came out with 2 bodies I thought, 'hey cool, people died in there'.

**Serah**: That doesn't sound too sensible of you.

**Ellie**: Well, you dyed your hair pink.

**Serah**: -_Shocked_- It's natural!

**Snow**: Oh. I thought it was dyed.

**Vanille**: Gumballs are round!

**Fang**: They're spheres actually.

**Ellie**: What are you all doing here anyway?

**Snow**: Reviewing!

**Serah**: Reviewing…

**Snow**: Reviewing… um… the cast of… jugs?

**Fang**: Last of Us.

**Snow**: That's what I wanted to say.

**Serah**: And I was the only one who played it.

-_**Serah**__ spots __**Ellie**__ over with Vanille eating popcorn_-

**Ellie**: What the hell's this?

**Vanille**: Food!

-_**Ellie**__ tries one_-

**Ellie**: Mmm. It's good, sweet.

**Vanille**: Caramel!

**Serah**: We're not going to continue this are we…

**Fang**: Alright then let's finish this off. Gameplay!

**Snow**: Didn't really hold your hand. I died a lot.

**Serah**: Movement tight and the aim of the game really gave off what it wanted to be. A good story mixed with good gameplay.

**Vanille**: I don't like winter.

**Fang**: Story!

**Serah**: It grips the heart and is very emotional if you can imagine yourself in the characters shoes'.

**Snow**: A bit slow. But it has a good reason for it.

**Vanille**: I like the nice parts… Like the beginning of spring!

**Fang**: Flaws?

**Vanille**: Too hard sometimes!

**Serah**: Just like what **Snow** said before, it doesn't pull any punches. You use or do whatever it takes to survive.

**Snow**: Yeah… it really isn't for casual gamers at all.

**Ellie**: I'm outta popcorn…

**Fang**: We'll get you some more later, sweetheart. But for now, se….

**Warning… Warning… Warning… Warning… **


	29. Chapter 29: Bioshock Infinite (Edited)

**Amazing I farted for at least 7 seconds! New personal record! Of course, I'm dying from the stench immediately. Also the haze thing, not so serious unless you live in South East Asia. Indonesia farted and is causing me eye hurty. Seriously, it burns… it also smells. Always wanted to be a nudist as well but that is getting off topic. Sunday sandwiches… I think I invented a thing. Sunday sandwiches consist of cereal, ham, hash brown, hot sauce, chocolate and cabbage… for those concerned aboot health. Now, what was I doing…**

**Bioshock Infinite**

**Snow**: Hey! Has anyone played this?

-_**Snow**__ holds up a copy of Bioshock Infinite_-

**Everyone** **else**: No.

**Snow**: Oh. Okay.

**Sorry for this chapter being so short. (To new people, I haven't played this when it came out but since a kind friend lend it to me, it has been played but a full review still isn't happening) **

**To give a personal opinion, I expected it to feel like Bioshock 2 and the 'feel' of the weapon wasn't... good (Hence the insensitive HAHA's before this edit) But I can safely say as a regular gamer that I was more than please with Infinite. Especially the story. Easy to follow that even Vanille could understand.**


	30. Chapter 30: Preview! Lightning Returns

**I LOVE SLEDGEHAMMERS. Anyways, I'm a little butt hurt about stuff recently so Director won't be in for a bit (Actually, he's clashing with FFXIII-2's Hope. He's called Director of the Academy so too much thinking on my part). So, Square-Enix had a pretty good line-up at E3 this year with the announcement of FFXV and KH3 but obviously, I'm more interested in FFXIII: Lightning Returns. Right now, we'll have a nice preview of Lightning Returns instead of a regular review. Here goes nothing with FFXIII Cast Previews:**

**Lightning Returns (As of 6 July 2013)**

_-__**Snow**__, __**Serah**__, __**Vanille**__, __**Fang**__ and __**Hope**__ hang around the TV set-_

**Serah**: I wonder if she'll have a bikini?

**Fang**: They're putting her in 'that', a bikini wouldn't be to strange.

_-__**Lightning**__ enters-_

**Lightning**: What on Pulse are you all giggling at?

**Serah**: You! -_points at screen_-

_-__**Lightning**__ throws her gunblade at the TV which shatters it-_

**Lightning**: I don't wear dresses!

**Snow**: Is that what'd you've been doing this past few weeks?

-_**Lightning**__ punches __**Snow**__. He is immediately unconscious_-

**Hope**: Don't be too mad, **Light**. At least better than me.

**Vanille**: Did you see **Hope** recently? He went back into the small boy we love!

**Fang**: And still as naïve.

**Hope**: I kept my memories! I could still build an eco-friendly tank if I wanted too!

**Fang**: If you wanted too? What's stopping you? Tiny arms and feet?

**Hope**: I'm not talking to you anymore.

**Vanille**: Aww. Don't be like that, **Hope**. Turn that frown upside down!

**Lightning**: I like you better when you're smaller.

-_**Hope**__ blushes_-

**Serah**: OMIGOD. My sister is a pedophile!

**Lightning**: I did not mean it like that!

**Fang**: It's a real pity **Sazh** and **Director** couldn't be here today. They would have a field day.

**Lightning**: Anyway, I meant I like **Hope** when he's smaller because he can be carried more easily around places when he's tired.

**Serah**: And then you rape him! You are a pedophile!

**Vanille**: How could you do that to **Hope**, **Light**?

**Fang**: To think you like'em small. And here I thought I had a shot.

**Lightning**: No! I see myself in him because we were orphans at such a young age!

**Serah**: And now innuendos!

**Vanille**: I'm actually wondering why **Hope** haven't spoken up at all?

_-__**Vanille**__ and __**Fang**__ look around the room for __**Hope**__-_

**Fang**: Where is he?

**Vanille**: **Hope**!

_-__**Vanille**__ spots __**Hope**__ slump in the corner with blood gushing out his nose-_

**Serah**: Wow. He must have such a lewd imagination.

**Lightning**: -_Grip __**Serah**__ by her collar_- You keep insinuating that I do 'things' to him.

**Serah**: -_Looks away gingerly_- I suppose I should say sorry. But I never get to tease you like this before.

**Fang**: She's quite the hard-a…

_-__**Lightning**__ throws a pillow at __**Fang's**__ face and then let goes of __**Serah**__-_

**Vanille**: What do we do about **Hope**?

**Lightning**: I'll do it.

-_**Lightning**__ carries __**Hope**__ over her shoulder and toss him back on the couch_-

**Serah**: When did we get a couch?

**Fang**: Now what?

**Vanille**: Something about **Lightning** Returns?

**Serah**: But she's here. Why does she need to return anywhere?

**Lightning**: Yeah… what she said.

**Fang**: I'll go back to playing dress-up then.

**Vanille**: I'm actually hoping that we'll appear in Kingdom Hearts 3. I wanna touch Donald Duck's hat.

**Lightning**: I don't want to ever see that Noctis guy ever. No one steals my thunder.

**Serah**: -_Snigger_- That was surprisingly funny.

**Yeah…**


	31. Chapter 31: Lightning Returns

**Woop de doo. So...so...sooo long! I apologize for short stories and long waits. Sand got into my laptop... let's not get into details. Also, 21 y/o this year! Woohoo! (On the other hand that means responsibilities). Let's get back to it! As FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII**

**Lightning**: Ahh... this.

**Serah**: -_snigger_-

**Lumina**: -_snigger_-

**Lightning**: Why are you here!

-_**Director **__enters_-

**Director**: 'Ola...?

-_**Lightning **__tosses a chair that hits __**Director**_-

**Hope**: **Light**, relax.

**Snow**: Yeah... what pipsqueak said.

**Lightning**: What are you guys doing?

**Vanille**: We're seeing what looks silliest on you...

**Fang**: And so far, it's between the mask of **Serah **and you or the flanitor siren on you're head and we're going "WEE WOO WEE WOO!"

**Snow**: Nope... found a propeller. That keeps on spinning.

**Serah**: -_snigger_-

**Lumina**: -_snigger_-

-_**Noel **__enters and looks around_-

**Noel**: This. is. the. weirdest. room.

**Hope**: Should have seen **Sazh **down the hall. I think he started watching Batman on Drugs for 10 hours.

**Noel**: Why is **Director **on the floor?

**Lightning**: Why did I do this game!

**Lumina**: So you can tell what people think of you!

**Serah**: True. If people dress you up in a suit, they probably respect you enough and if they don't...

**Lumina**: They do naughty things at night while thinking of you!

**Lightning**, **Fang **and **Hope**: Nooooooooo!

**Snow**: Hey... is **Light **gonna do an Ellen Page and declare?

**Serah**: Nooooooooo!

**Lumina**: Back to gameplay! The combat was confusing at first but once you get the gist of the new schemata system, everything actually works out in the end for combat.

**Serah**: I got nothing to add to combat. Adornments are like FFXIII-2 and the costumes carry different abilities so sometimes going out in a bikini might be more of a load of common sense than anything.

**Vanille**: The story is nothing but sidequest!

**Fang**: Technically, all games are sidequests. You go pick it up at a game store and when you have time, you play it.

-_Mind Blown_-


	32. Chapter 32: Shingeki no Kyojin

**Quickly running forward before I start missing out on things... also, got a PS4! Only got Killzone for it!... I feel betrayed somewhat. Let's try something so I won't feel like I let peoples down. So let's just get to it as FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Shingeki no Kyojin**

**Lumina**: First up, I didn't get to introduce myself properly the last time we were on. I'm **Lumina **and I'm -_SPOILER_- and also hold a piece of -_SPOILER_-!

**Hope**: You're pink-haired too.

**Snow**: Pink-haired people are so your fetish.

**Serah**: Yeah! ... Wait. What!

**Fang**: **Hope **is eww.

**Vanille**: I wanna have a love interest!

**Sazh**: Me?

**Vanille**: Too old!

**Sazh**: -_sob_-

**Lightning**: I want to point out that I am forever alone and I embrace it.

**Lumina**: You do it every night.

-_**Lightning **__throws her chair and __**Lumina **__teleports away_-

**Lumina**: You know that I know your every move, right?

**Hope**: Your hair really is nice.

**Vanille**: Creeper!

-_Boom_-

**Lightning**: A window!

**Lumina**: It's a balcony and you know it.

**Sazh**: What the hell happened?

**Hope**: I think something from Minecraft came through.

**Fang**: You should get rid of that portal you made with your Academy.

**Hope**: Then **Sazh **should stop playing Minecraft!

**Sazh**: Hey! I made a house!

**Snow**: How do I grow pumpkins in this again?

**Sazh**: Well, you need to be on land to have a farm.

-_**Lightning **__throws their computers out the balcony_-

**Lightning**: Ahh, I feel refresh!

**Serah**: Back to business!

**Lumina**: Right! Shingeki no Kyojin! It's an anime that came out in April 2013. Started out as a manga in 2009 in Bessatsu Shonen and now a global hit for anime freaks everywhere! Thank god for internet!

**Snow**: I am not a freak for liking ecchi!

**Serah**: **Snow**! We promise not to talk about that!

**Snow**: This anime has lack of ecchi.

**Lightning**: What is ecchi? You better not put **Serah **up to this ecchi stuff.

**Hope**: Ecchi is ...

-_**Snow **__smothers __**Hope **__with a pillow_-

**Sazh**: Heh heh.

**Lumina**: I love ecchi too. Right, **Lightning**?

**Lightning**: So what is ecchi? I'm really lost here.

**Fang**: -_points to breast_-

**Vanille**: -_points to __**Fang's **__breast_-

**Lightning**: Still don't get it.

**Serah**: Can we not bring this up!

**Hope**: Anybody thinks **Lightning **should voice Mikasa?

**Lightning**: You mean Ali Hillis?

**Snow**: What?

**Lumina**: Hold up! No destroying any more walls!

**Vanille**: I don't get it. Who's Ali Hillis?

-_**Lumina **__throws a pillow at __**Vanille**__... who takes it in the face_-

**Lumina**: Okay! Well, so far Shingeki no Kyojin has one season that went on for 25 episodes not counting any OVA.

**Sazh**: What's an OVA?

**Hope**: It stands for Original Video Animation.

**Sazh**: Oh, right.

**Vanille**: Old man!

**Lumina**: Story-wise, It's after a calamity where mankind stay in walled cities and huge giants called "Titans" roam the majority of the world with only one objective. The extermination of mankind.

**Fang**: For humanity!

**Lightning**: That's right, **Fang**.

**Fang**: Thanks for indulging me.

**Snow**: Hey! Favourite character time!

**Lumina**: What.

**Sazh**: We always fall back to this, don't mind it much.

**Vanille**: Me first! I like Sasha! She likes potatoes!

**Fang**: I like Krista. She's so small and cute.

**Serah**: Mikasa! Nuff said.

**Hope**: Armin. I mean his plans are amazing to watch in execution

**Snow**: Eren!

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: ...

**Snow**: ...

**Lumina**: Well?

**Snow**: No, we have this things called "taps" where water comes from.

**Lightning**: -_facepalm_-

**Serah**: How about you, sis?

**Lightning**: Levi. I want to learn his style of swordfighting. It seems especially useful for aerial strikes.

**Vanille**: That's all?

**Lumina**: Yup.

**Sazh**: Hange. I could get used to a woman like her.

**Lumina**: Hange was made to be ambiguous.

**Sazh**: What? Really? So... could be a guy?

**Lumina**: Yup.

**Sazh**: Hmm... Hange is a cool guy.

**Hope**: I don't really have a favourite character. Getting to attached is... painful.

**Lightning**: I will now read your mind.

**Hope**: Huh?

**Lightning**: ... Oh.

-_**Lightning **__covers __**Hope's **__ears_-

**Lightning**: It's Petra.

-_Everybody nodded their head and said no more_-

In short, Shingeki no Kyojin has very good pacing and pulls at the heartstrings immediatly into the first episode. On a lighter note, TeamFourStar has a wonderful abridged version that makes me feel like everyone is slightly insane... well, till next time!


	33. Chapter 33: Titanfall (I didn't play it)

**Now for something I've never done before and I'm crossing my finger that I get this at least halfway decent. Really nervous as I start FFXIII Cast Review:**

**Titanfall (As best we can...)**

**Lumina**: How the hell are we doing this?!

**Director**: Calm down.

**Lumina**: Calm down? Calm down! Nobody in the Cast even played it!

**Director**: But they have the internet, right?

**Lumina**: It's not the same! Reviews on a game requires feeling through the game with your hands! It's not like a movie or a show! You need to touch the controller, the pressure of the shots, sensitivity of the analog sticks and button mapping!

**Director**: We're not really that in-depth.

**Lumina**: Then you are a butt-head.

-_**Lumina **__enters the FFXIII Cast Reviews studio_-

**Vanille**: -_sob_-

**Lumina**: Uhh...

**Sazh**: Was everything okay?

**Lumina**: Yeah.

**Serah**: C'mon. Give auntie **Serah **a hug.

-_**Serah **__slowly moves in to hug __**Lumina**_-

**Lightning**: ...

**Snow**: **Light**?

**Lightning**: -_mutters something_-

**Snow**: **Hope**, a little help deciphering this.

-_**Snow **__turns to find __**Hope **__snapping pictures of __**Serah **__and __**Lumina**_-

**Hope**: You say something?

**Snow**: I... no.

**Sazh**: I'll starts this off then. -_picks cue cards off the table_- Titanfall is a shooter by Respawn Entertainment which have former Infinity Ward employees at the helm... I assume this means it feels like Call of Duty.

**Lumina**: -_prys free from __**Serah's **__grasp_-

**Serah**: Aww. I wanted to hug more.

**Lightning**: No! No more hugging!

**Lumina**: Your nose is bleeding.

**Lightning**: I know! I found it entertaining!

**Serah**: Uhh...

**Snow**: Even I found it creepy.

-_**Lightning **__throws __**Snow **__out the... balcony?_-

**Lumina**: No more hugging! I still have a job to do.

-_**Lumina **__clears her throat_-

**Lumina**: What Sazh forgot to mention was that the game is multiplayer only and despite being made by the guys who made the Call of Dutys, the inclusion of giant mechs called "Titans" really makes the game something other than another shooter.

**Vanille**: Wah!

**Fang**: Wub?!

**Lightning**: The hell is wrong with you two?

**Fang**: Uhh... I think... I think we blacked out for a while.

**Vanille**: Just... what?

**Sazh**: We're reviewing Titanfall, remember?

**Fang**: No.

**Vanille**: My eyes feel wonky.

**Hope**: That might be my fault. Stupid flash on stupid camera.

**Lumina**: I...

**Lightning**: I got this next part. Take five and relax your head for a bit.

**Lumina**: Umm... yeah.

**Lightning**: Okay... -picks up cue cards- These "Titans" doesn't mean that footsoldiers or pilots without "Titans" are compera... How'd you pronouce this?

**Serah**: Comparatively.

**Lightning**: Okay. So it doesn't mean that pilots without '"Titans" are comparatively weaker since they have moves to keep up with or even surpass those using the "Titans" such as a double jump and wall-running. Like a ninja. Huh.

**Hope**: Hey... where's **Snow**?

**Lightning**: Somewhere on the ground floor.

**Serah**: We are the ground floor.

-_**Snow **__pops up_-

**Snow**: Yo.

**Lightning**: Oh great.

**Fang**: If you guys don't really need us, we'll be catching a movie.

**Vanille**: What are we watching?

**Fang**: LEGO movie.

**Vanille**: What's a Lego...

-_**Fang **__and __**Vanille **__leave_-

**Sazh**: Okay...

**Hope**: Wait... were we talking about Titanfall?

**Serah**: Yup.

**Hope**: That game is insane! You should just sit down and fire some rounds in the air! It sounds so solid and painful! Best sound ever in game!

**Snow**: Nerd...

-_**Hope **__uses Holy on __**Snow**_-

-_studio blows up_-

**Lumina**: What am I even doing?

**Really, I am pretty excited for Titanfall. From what I saw it really was Call of Duty with a new coat of paint. Not that it's a bad thing but it just means learning the layout of the map to be skilled in this... I also keep getting distracted by the ad next to Titanfall on Tv Tropes. I see wonderful cleavages. Hmm. Don't smoke or get drunk till next time!**


	34. Chapter 34: The LEGO Movie

**I am hitting a stride here! Another review but this time, a movie (finally!) This last few months had break out hits in animation but i didn't watch one of them... So, here we go as the FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**The LEGO Movie**

**Vanille**: I still don't know what a LEGO is.

**Fang**: They're colourful blocks. That stick to each other.

**Serah**: You don't know what LEGO is? Well, their company, LEGO Group, was founded in Denmark in 1932 and in their language, LEGO means "play well" in english. While in Latin it means "I build". It became famous the same way Minecraft did, infinite possiblity and create anything you can imagine. But this days, it's cheaper to get Minecraft.

**Sazh**: I can get into Minecraft.

**Hope**: With that afro?

**Sazh**: Hey! Don't blame me if you don't understand how regal a 'fro is.

**Lightning**: I don't understand animation. I mean what's the point? Just base a story around people playing with them instead.

**Fang**: You really didn't have much of a childhood, did you?

**Lumina**: She played "Guardian Corps and robbers" a lot though.

**Serah**: How'd you know that? Ohh... nevermind. I keep forgetting who you are.

**Snow**: Everything is awesome!

**Vanille**: Everything is cool when you're part of a team!

**Snow**: Everything is awesome!

**Vanille**: When we're living our dream!

-_**Lightning **__tosses a chair at __**Snow**__, knocking him out_-

**Lightning**: Anybody else want to continue?

**Vanille**: -_sobs_-

**Fang**: See what you did! Go put on that silly propeller from your game and put it on you!

**Lightning**: Uhh.

-_**Serah **__sneaks up from behind and place the propeller on __**Lightning**_-

**Lightning**: There.

**Fang**: **Lightning's **back to being stupid so cheer up, okay **Vanille**?

**Vanille**: -_nods_-

**Sazh**: Back to it?

**Lumina**: Yeah... yes. Umm... the movie. It's a 2-hour movie that had age appropriate humor that kids and adult could relate to. It's really hard to put into words but imagine comedy every character thinks aloud. Does that sound adequate?

**Hope**: Yeah... The comedy really came fast and often. The jokes are really on the mark and I can't really pull out a "groan-worthy" joke right out of my head from that movie.

**Lightning**: Morgan Freeman is in it, right?

**Serah**: You haven't watch it?

**Lightning**: Nope. But if God really was Morgan Freeman, "Lightning Returns" wouldn't need to happen.

**Sazh**: Right...

**Fang**: Anyway, Liam Neeson is in it too. His voice is to die for.

**Lumina**: That reminds me that the movie really had a superb cast of people voice acting in it. But that isn't to say the sound effect wasn't bad at all. Generally sound-wise, it felt complete especially the perfect tone everybody carries their jokes or punchline.

**Serah**: Wait. Is this CGI?

**Lumina**: Umm... hold up.

**Vanille**: There something besides CGI?

**Hope**: Something called "stop-motion" which involves putting something in a position and taking a picture then altering the object slightly and taking a picture of that...

**Fang**: And so on and so forth?

**Hope**: Yup.

**Lumina**: Okay! Yeah. This was CGI but they made it look like stop-motion for that touch of old-fashion.

**Sazh**: I think that was a dig at me.

**Lumina**: No silly! Just old people in general!

-_**Vanille **__and __**Lumina **__high-fives_-

**Lightning**: How's the story?

**Serah**: It's the story of an everyday guy who finds this relic and is considered the chosen one.

**Lightning**: Sounds cliche.

**Serah**: It's one of those things where the journey is more interesting than the destination.

**Hope**: It's kinda fast-paced but it works for the movie. But the first exposition happened during a high-speed chase if I remember correctly.

**Lumina**: Alright guys! Character time!

**Lightning**: Morgan Freeman!

**Serah**: You haven't even watch the movie!

**Lightning**: So?

**Fang**: Batman by Will Arnet. Personally the best Batman behind Kevin Conroy.

**Vanille**: Business, business, business, numbers. Nothing compares to Uni-Kitty.

**Hope**: Wyldstyle. She's independent, a strong woman yet has insecurities.

**Serah**: Like **Lightning **changing her name...

**Lightning**: Huh? Did someone say my name? I blacked out for a moment.

**Hope**: I genuinely did not get that resemblance when I said it.

**Sazh**: The main guy. I won't spoil anything if I say his name, right?

**Lumina**: Nah.

**Sazh**: Sweet. Then it's Emmet who's the hero. Nothing much that I say without spoiling.

**Serah**: And finally, my favourite is Benny!

**Lumina**: Who?

**Serah**: The space guy. You know, spaceship!

**Lumina**: No.

**Serah**: Aww.

**Lego ... HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG so good.**


	35. Chapter 35: Special

**Uhh... this is really going to be a unique Cast Review because i've just realized that this might be the last time we see the whole merry bunch of characters in Final Fantasy XIII. So here's hoping the stories created by everybody here in FanFiction continues on and be written by fans and be read (past tense) forever... So, here's a special FFXIII Cast Review. **;_;

**Snow's and Serah's Wedding**

I stood at the station entrance staring into the sky above. The sky ever so blue, messed up slightly by the contrails of a passing plane. This journey is over now.

I wonder when the next will begin. I only know that soon, we'll be together.

-_Ring ring_-

My phone started ringing, playing the tune of "Fly Me To The Moon" in soft jazz. I reached for it in my jacket and took a look at the caller ID. It was from **Hope**.

**Lightning**: Hello?

**Hope**: Umm... **Light**? Can you come over and pick me up?

**Lightning**: Where are you?... And also, call me **Claire **for now.

**Hope**: Okay. Umm, I'm just one station after you dropped.

**Claire**: Why are you there?

**Hope**: You didn't wake me up!

**Claire**: Oh... yeah. Sorry?

**Hope**: Did you just put a question mark at the end of that?!

**Hope **was starting to be slightly irritating ever since we had to stay together. I wanted to stay with **Snow **and **Serah **but as a couple, I would be intruding on them. I am such a caring big sister.

**Hope**: Are you thinking to yourself again?! I bet you were thinking that I was irritating because I keep playing video games, right?!

I gave a facepalm as **Hope **continued on. As naggy as a housewife some would say.

**Claire**: Look, why can't you take the opposite line to come back?

**Hope**: It's a one-way looping line!

**Claire**: Urgh. Fine, I'll give **Sazh **a call to see whether he could pick you up, alright?

**Hope**: Yeah... I guess. Hear from you later.

With that, I dialled **Sazh's **number.

**Sazh**: 'Ello?

**Claire**: Yeah, it's me.

**Sazh**: I know... it's on the caller ID.

I gave myself another facepalm.

**Claire**: Where are you now?

**Sazh**: I'm at the side of the road.

**Claire**: Something wrong with the car?

**Sazh**: Nah... **Dajh **wanted to see the cows.

**Claire**: Oh. Got a favor to ask if you don't mind.

**Sazh**: Sure, shoot.

**Claire**: **Hope **missed his station and now he needs a lift.

**Sazh**: Wasn't he with you?

**Claire**: I...

I chose to dodge the question. **Sazh **gave a sigh, I guess he was the only person who could sympatise with me living with a young growing boy. I passed him the location of the station and said our goodbyes. I took a look a the time before putting away my phone.

Now, I had to prepare myself for the long walk to the bus-stop. I took a sip from a water cooler from the entrance turned around and found myself blocked by a little girl.

**Little Girl**: Your hair's pink.

**Claire**: So?

**Little Girl**: I like it!

**Claire**: Where's your parents?

**Little Girl**: Parent.

**Claire**: Okay... where's your parent?

**Little Girl**: He told me to find a person to stand next to while he went to get the car.

The little girl was told to stand next to a person while her father went to get the car? I looked around the general vicinity. It was pretty much empty besides me and her. I cursed under my breath at this irresponsible father.

**Little Girl: **If it's any help, Daddy said that he'll do you a favor.

A favor? Like a sexual thing? No... probably something like money. Or a coupon for a restuarant. She looked strangely excited to be near me though. I noticed a bench nearby and suggested we took a seat.

**Little Girl**: My name's **Rebecca**. How 'bout you?

**Claire**: **Lightning**.

**Rebecca**: But the weather's fine.

**Claire**: You can call me **Claire**.

**Rebecca**: I like that name. Its really pretty sounding.

I sat there as **Rebecca **went on about how my hair might taste like strawberry and how the weather here never seem to go bad. I interjected regularly at her rant. A few minutes in, a blue car parked itself in front of us. I turned to **Rebecca **hoping to see a reaction of confirmation on whether it was perhaps her father. She didn't move, other than swinging her legs.

-_A man pops out of the car_-

**Man**: Hey, **Becky**! I know I said that I'll get a pink car but the guys at the rental said this was the only color they had.

This was the father... I wanted to throw him through a window. But I'm in public and **Director **said that throwing people is a huge social faux pas.

**Man**: You probably need a lift, right?

**Claire**: Uh.

**Rebecca**: C'mon! We can seat in the back!

**Man**: But I'll be lonely up front. And I thought you wanted to sleep?

**Rebecca**: ...

**Claire**: I'll be okay on my own.

**Man**: No you won't. The bus comes by almost every hour, at least. And judging by the time, you have 40 minutes till the next one.

**Rebecca**: It's free!

**Claire**: It... hopefully won't be to much of a problem.

**Man**: At least to the town then. That's where you're headed, right?

**Claire**: Yes.

**Rebecca**: See! We can go together!

I gave in. The father was a terrible person for making his daughter wait for him but a free ride to town, it was a good deal considering the price for the bus ride was ridiculously expensive. **Rebecca **immediatly jumped into the back seat. She looked at me with hopeful eyes but I gave her a soft pat on her head as I shook mine and took the front seat alongside the man.

**Man**: Name's **Owen **by the way and the little one's...

**Claire**: **Rebecca**. She introduced herself earlier. I'm **Claire**.

**Owen**: Pleasure to meet you... I'm kinda relief you manage to find a person like her, **Becky**.

I turned around with **Owen **to find **Rebecca **already asleep on the backseat. **Owen **comb her hair off her shoulder and proceeded to start the engine. Carefully maneuvering out of the parking lot, we were finally headed to the town.

With the radio softly rolling out the tunes of Franz Liszt's "Dante Sonata", I had time to reflect on the people I just met. **Owen **was irresponsible... or perhaps too trusting of his daughter's ability to be independent. But both were definitely good-looking. **Rebecca **would take a few more years to truly blossom but **Owen **had a very gruff look about him with his stubble, more suited to the wild more than anything else.

-_Ring ring_-

For the second time today, a phone I didn't initiate. Thankfully, the soft jazz didn't stir **Rebecca **from her sleep. This time, the caller ID showed **Serah**.

**Claire**: Hey, sis.

**Serah**: **Claire**! It's so good to hear from you! Where are **Hope **and you now?

**Claire**: Um... I lost him on the train.

**Serah**: With you? I thought you were more responsible than that. Tell me the truth.

**Claire**: Could never lie past you, could I. Well, he played with his Vita until he was tired and fell asleep.

**Serah**: Because of that you left him on the train?

**Claire**: Nobody told me that the Vita had online. He was yelling f...

**Owen**: Language, Miss **Claire**.

**Claire**: Sorry. He started shouting obseneties on the train.

**Serah**: Well, that's like the first time, right? And who the hell are with if it's not **Hope**?

**Claire**: Don't worry. He's not a shifty type. He has his daughter here with him.

**Serah**: Better safe than sorry, I'm sending **Noel **and **Yeul **to meet you at the inn you're suppose to stay at. If you're not there by evening I'm gonna rip this world a new one.

**Claire**: That's not necessary but you're not gonna listen to me, are you?

**Serah**: Damn right I'm not! Wha...

-_Rustling noises_-

**Snow**: Hey, sis!

**Claire**: Don't you have your own phone?

**Snow**: Takes to long to dial. Better to reach if you're already on the line.

**Claire**: That is the laziest thing I've heard from you.

**Snow**: Really? Haven't told you the time I willingly chose to eat porridge because I was to lazy to chew. And you know how much I hate porridge.

**Claire**: Yes... that's the first thing you say after you introduce yourself to people.

**Snow**: So how's **Hope**?

-_Loud yelling in the background on __**Snow's **__end_-

**Claire**: Yeah.

**Snow**: Well, good luck.

As the warm rays of the Sun started to seep in through the windows, the call ended on **Snow's **end. **Owen **was still focused on the road and **Rebecca **was still asleep. I expected the drive to be quite long but I could see the town in the time I had ended the call.

**Claire**: That was fast. I can already see the town.

**Owen**: It's pretty tight in a wider car but there is a shortcut.

He turned in between a low stone wall and the inn once we found the inn. He seemed to be rather familiar with the area. I stepped out of the car only to be greeted with a soothing wind and the heat of Sun once again. The air at least wasn't too dry.

**Owen**: You're heading in, right?

**Claire**: I need to find a friend before I do.

**Owen**: Alright, see ya later. Hopefully **Rebecca **will be up by then.

I watched as **Owen **piggyback carry **Rebecca **in through the inn's door with suitcase in hand. My opinion of him was slightly better but he still feels my main focus would be meeting **Noel **and **Yeul**. They were living together if I remember correctly. What's more, they live right next to **Snow **and **Serah**... I had to go to the city because **Hope **wanted to be someplace with a steady internet connection.

**Noel**: **Light**!

I turned around to the sound of **Noel's **voice... a refreshing tone that isn't **Hope's**.

**Claire**: **Noel**... Wait. I thought **Yeul **was suppose to be here too?

**Noel**: Everytime she comes to town, she heads to this cake shop and eats until she's tired.

**Claire**: That... sounds so stupid.

**Noel**: Well, it's true. We'll be picking her up and then heading off to see **Serah **first, if you don't mind.

**Claire**: As long as I'll be back here before nightfall.

**Noel**: We eat dinner at 5.

**Claire**: Great! 3 hours to spare!

**Noel**: It'll take at least 15 minutes to get there. On foot.

**Claire**: I knew I shouldn't have worn high-heels.

We chatted along as we walked towards the cake shop which currently hold a former seeress. I kept imagining **Yeul**, hunch over the table with her face now full of cake. A weird scene I would have loved to see. Soon however, we reached the famed shop. It was an unassuming shop brick-layered like the houses to its left and right. Yeah, it really was just a house that got converted into a pastry restuarant.

Inside was furnished rather nicely giving the image of a generic bistro with a fresh scent of baked goods. And in the corner was **Yeul**... face down, arms forward and both hands clenching a fork.

**Noel**: **Yeul**? Are you done here?

-_**Yeul **__nods_-

**Claire**: Is she going to be okay?

**Noel**: Massive sugar rush later.

**Claire**: Putain mec.

**Noel**: What?

**Claire**: Nevermind that. Can she walk?

**Noel**: Oh yeah. Yeah... sure. She'll be fine.

**Claire**: You sound so unsure.

**Noel**: Let me just pay first then we'll head off.

I watched over **Yeul **as **Noel **went off to pay for the meal. The smell of baked bread was starting to make me hungry too.

**Yeul**: The future will hold hope for those...

**Claire**: Don't talk to me me about **Hope **right now.

**Yeul**: Okay... The future will present itself anew when the final bell rings at matrimony.

**Claire**: What?

**Yeul **finally turned her head to face me.

**Yeul**: I'm a fortune-teller... I think.

**Noel**: Okay, I'm back... -_spots __**Yeul**_- Good. If **Yeul's **up and talking that means we can go.

**Yeul**: No! I need cake!

The road to **Serah's **seems to be frequently used despite it being a dirt path... I don't really know how this happened but **Noel **and a very stubborn **Yeul **on a toy wagon was right beside me as we walked along.

**Noel**: I keep the wagon close at hand whenever this happens.

How often does this have to happened for you to be prepared for this? And couldn't you get a regular wagon instead of this bright red Kingfisher one?

**Noel**: Don't be put off with how **Yeul's **acting. She's actually really happy you're here.

**Claire**: Don't worry aabout it. I think I know what to do in situations like this.

Thanks to bringing up **Serah**, I do really know how to deal with this kind of people. In my bag now, I wield a fearsome weapon, a weapon so great that it might even bring her down to her knees.

**Yeul**: Cake!

**Claire**: No! No cake until you behave yourself!

**Yeul**: ...

**Noel**: ...

**Claire**: Good girl. Once we reach **Serah's **house, you can have it, okay?

-_**Yeul **__nodded_-

**Noel**: Did that just happened? Did you just bribe **Yeul **with cake?

**Claire**: Works on **Serah **too.

**Noel**: **Yeul**... are you okay with getting bribed by cake?

**Yeul**: As long as there's cake.

**Claire**: See. Girls are always distracted by cake... actually, put me in that equation too.

**Noel**: But you are a girl!

**Claire**: Ah... That explains why people call me pretty.

**Noel**: How did you not know you were a girl?

**Claire**: Never had PMS.

**Yeul**: But you are alway irritable. How would you know?

**Claire**: Did have weird hunger pangs though. There was one time I went on a date just for steak.

**Noel**: And how was the guy?

**Claire**: Didn't know the 'fella. All I know was that he was there to watch some fireworks. I was there for steak...it was well done. And juicy.

**Yeul**: You are a terrible date.

**Noel**: What's wrong with liking steak.

**Yeul**: It's not lady-like on dates.

**Claire**: Could've fooled me. He brought me to a restuarant, what else could I do but order steak?

**Yeul**: A salad, perhaps?

**Noel**: This from a girl who eats cakes like no tomorrow.

**Yeul**: I used to be immortal you know. Tomorrow was nothing to me.

**Claire**: Did you foresee yourself eating cake?

**Yeul**: Umm... yes?

**Noel**: There's the house right there.

It was a stunningly simple brick house similar to those in the town, seems slightly larger because of the wineyard out front. Actually, it was larger once we got closer, the main building was hiding another behind it.

I didn't realize it but I kinda understood why someone would live out here. Especially after what we've all been through.

**Serah**: **Claire**! You're okay!

**Serah **came bounding out the front door as we got closer with **Snow **standing by the doorway, making a face that showed terrible acting skills. I mean, I could tell he wanted to "leap and bound" towards me as well. I'm glad he restrained himself.

**Serah**: **Hope**?

**Claire**: Cross my finger that he's in a ditch.

**Serah**: It really can't be that bad.

**Claire**: He's the reason I don't stay near here.

**Noel**: Internet's getting better here.

**Claire**: If you get it good here, the city would get it better. And **Hope **loves it better.

**Yeul**: That sounds terrible for you.

-_**Serah **__spots __**Yeul**_-

**Serah**: Again with the wagon?

**Noel**: The store was apparently open. **Yeul **kinda just drifted there.

**Yeul**: Why not... I felt the airflow changed as I entered town and destiny dictates...

**Noel**: In short, you smelled them baking something.

**Yeul**: Yes.

**Serah**: Let's continue inside. I'm halfway cooking and truth be told, I don't trust **Snow **with a ladle.

We all headed in with **Serah **holding on tightly to my arm. A feeling I miss when we still lived together. The only thing missing was the sea air.

Right at the doorway, black smoke started seeping out the door towards the sky. We only had seconds to react befor...

-_BOOM_-

**Serah**: **Snow**! What did you do!?

**Snow**: I tapped the pot 'cause it was bubbling.

**Serah**: How did it explode?!

**Snow**: I don't know?

**Noel**: **Snow's **amazing.

**Yeul**: Does that mean there's no lamb stew?

**Claire**: You didn't prepare a second one like you always do?

**Serah**: I did but I just have to reheat that.

**Claire**: See. It's fine.

**Serah**: But this one was for today and it was special.

**Snow**: I put the other one in the microwave.

**Serah**: What did you put down on the timer?

**Snow**: 20 minutes.

**Noel**: That actually sounds like common sense.

**Snow**: I covered the bowl with tin foil!

**Serah**: Wha...!

-_BOOM_-

...

...

**Yeul**: This one is strawberry flavored with vanilla cream, really simple. This one is totally chocolate with added chocolate chips! And this one is neapolitan ice cream cake...

**Claire**: I'll have that!

**Serah**: Really sorry for intruding, **Noel**.

**Noel**: No problem... I'm sorry for having just cake in the house.

**Yeul**: Don't complain... And this one is special. It's called Mochi. I think its a cake...

**Snow**: I'll take that! My tummy feels peckish after all that excitement.

**Yeul**: And lastly, pecan pie!

-_**Yeul **__takes the pie_-

**Serah**: You guys have a lot of cake.

**Noel**: Don't remind me. It's cake for breakfast, cake for lunch and cake for dinner everyday for me.

**Serah**: Urgh. I'll bring over some dishes next time.

**Noel**: That would be greatly appreciated.

**Snow**: Can we have cake?

**Serah**: Yeah... sure. Is it that good?

**Claire**: Fifth plate here.

**Snow**: Mochi taste funky but good.

**Yeul**: I guess I could bake more.

**Noel**: No! This amount is fine!

**Serah**: Trade agreement successful!

The weirdest dinner I've ever had but it felt wonderful eating with loved ones around the table. Could still get something before getting back to the inn if the cake doesn't hold up. Wonder if **Sazh **and **Dajh **are at the inn already.

As the sunset cast silhouette on us as we walked back to town, **Serah **and **Snow **walked beside me. With their hands held in each other. To believe there were going to get married.

We waved goodbye to each other outside the inn. **Serah **giving a wide arm version compared to **Snow's **casual wave. I checked in and made my way to my room.

**Hope**: **Light**!

Oh... I forgot that Hope was occupying the opposite room. Strangely, the door didn't open and there was no sign of Hope anywhere in the corridor.

**Hope**: **Light**!

A date with Rosie Palms. It felt really awkward standing there, listening to him shout my name. So a gave a knock and a few minutes a rather flushed **Hope **appeared at the door.

**Hope**: Oh! Hi... didn't know know when you'll actually arrive. So I checked in and found out that you weren't here yet. If I look tired out is because I was exercising the muscles, you know. And I just had a bath, so...

**Claire**: The walls here are very thin. I could hear you when I was standing outside my room.

**Hope**: Oh.

I went back to my room leaving **Hope **to ponder at his doorway. The day was at an end and I was tired. Tomorrow will be a new day...

-_**END OF DAY 1**_-

I rose as the whole Sun appeared over the horizon. A quick bath and I headed downstairs for the inn's breakfast. Perhaps I'll meet the girl from yesterday. And **Hope **would be sleeping in as always since he loves playing with that Vita of his late into the night.

I could smell breakfast halfway down the stairs.

**Sazh**: Woah. Funny that I'd run into you here.

**Claire**: Ah. Well, breakfast smells amazing and I realized I didn't have a proper dinner last night.

**Sazh**: I see, I see. Then I'll be heading up to wake **Hope**...

**Claire**: No, don't. It's... **Hope **isn't really a morning person.

**Sazh **just shrugged and walked back to the dining hall where I found the family from yesterday enjoying their breakfast.

**Rebecca**: **Claire**!

**Dajh**: **Lightning **lady!

**Claire**: Nice to see my nickname still being used in circulation.

**Owen**: **Lightning **lady is your nickname?

**Claire**: I guess. Just don't be surprised if people just call me that.

**Sazh**: I take it you both know each other?

**Claire**: He gave me a lift yesterday.

**Sazh**: Ah... So **Claire **here was the "extra passenger" you were telling me about...

**Owen**: You don't have to continue anything from that conversation.

**Rebecca**: But you kept saying that she was p...

-_**Owen **__stuffs __**Rebecca's **__mouth with a piece of waffle_-

**Dajh**: Woah! That's a big piece.

**Owen**: It's just enough.

**Sazh**: Gotta toast more waffles.

**Owen**: Let keep today's discussion to ourselves, okay?

-_**Dajh **__and __**Rebecca **__nods_-

**Owen**: Adieu le passé, bonjour le présent, et vive l'avenir.

**Dajh**: Oui!

**Rebecca**: Jhew bont eben gnow vat gat beans!

**Owen**: Chew first then talk, otherwise you'll choke.

-_**Rebecca **__nods_-

I sniggered a bit as I decided on what to eat. It was a mash of eggs, bacon and a hotcake.

**Dajh**: Wow! They sound good. What language is that?

**Rebecca**: It's K-pop! This one is by "Miss A".

**Dajh**: It's really nice to listen too!

**Claire**: What's K-pop?

**Rebecca**: Korean pop!

**Sazh**: I only know that one... what's it called? "Something" style.

**Owen**: Gangnam style... How could you not know that? You're showing your age here, old man.

**Sazh**: Not really a music guy. Give me a nice movie any day.

**Claire**: Anyway, **Sazh**. I'm heading off to **Serah's **straight after this. Wanna come along?

**Sazh**: Nah. Too busy here organizing the arrangement at the field we're having the wedding at.

**Owen**: Wedding?

**Claire**: Yeah. My sister's... Do you and **Rebecca **wanna go?

**Rebecca**: Yeah!

**Owen**: Actually wouldn't mind... when is it?

**Claire**: Two days from today.

**Owen**: We can make that. How 'bout that. We're going to need wedding gifts, **Becky**.

**Rebecca**: Presents! I know a good one.

**Dajh**: Don't get a scooter. I'm getting them that.

**Claire**: A scooter?

**Sazh**: It's more like "we" but you know how kids are.

**Rebecca**: A scooter sounds cool.

**Owen**: And practical... How about we get a flying car for them?

**Rebecca**: Yeah!

**Claire**: You know, maybe you could ask what they want by asking them?

**Rebecca**: Does that mean I can see them?!

**Owen**: Sure you can. But I think if **Becky **visits your sis' place, I could help out **Sazh **here. Since he's not a music guy, I could be helpful in that area.

**Sazh**: Sounds like a plan.

**Owen**: You gonna be okay with **Claire **for today?

**Rebecca**: Yeah! Adventure!

With that, straight after breakfast, **Rebecca **and I waved goodbye to **Sazh**, **Dajh **and **Owen **as we headed down the dirt path to **Serah's **house.

**Claire**: Forgot to mention that it'll be quite a walk.

**Rebecca**: It's okay. Dad takes me hiking once a month so I've got confidence in my legs.

**Claire**: Good to see that walking hasn't taken a back seat in kids this days. With their television and games not many kids enjoy walking anymore.

**Rebecca**: It's more strolling. People can walk but they rush around even when their walking.

**Claire**: I try to jog everyday but I'm on vacation for this week.

**Rebecca**: You jog for your job?

**Claire**: Considering that I'm a police officer, yeah.

**Rebecca**: You're a cop? Cool! Dad's just a teacher.

**Claire**: Why so glum about your dad being a teacher?

**Rebecca**: That's what he says but teachers don't go overseas for a whole month, do they?

**Claire**: Overseas? He must be really smart then. Wonder if he's smarter than my sister.

**Rebecca**: Why'd you say that?

**Claire**: My sis is the teacher in this town.

**Rebecca**: No way.

**Claire**: It's true.

**Rebecca**: Who's she marrying anyway?

**Claire**: Guy named **Snow**. He's a vintner.

**Rebecca**: **Snow**? That's kinda funny for a name. What's your sister's name?

**Claire**: **Serah**.

**Rebecca**: See, that's normal.

**Claire**: I know. So... What did your dad keep you from saying this morning?

**Rebecca**: That you were pretty.

**Claire**: That's all?

**Rebecca**: Yeah. Oh, oh! Is that the house there?

Time really does fly when you're having fun... something I'd never thought would happened with this girl. Call me pessimistic but hanging around people really can go one of two ways.

-_Knock knock_-

**Claire**: Hello?

**Serah**: I'm in the kitchen! Doors already unlocked!

We let ourselves in and **Rebecca **gingerly closed the door behind us. I was surprised that the damage from yesterday had completely disappeared. Walking deeper in, we found **Serah **tending **Yeul **in cooking.

**Yeul**: Hello there. Oh. Who's the little one?

**Serah**: Oh! She's so small and cute! Where did you kidnap her from?

**Claire**: You know the guy who gave me a lift yesterday.

**Serah**: Ah. This is the daughter?

**Claire**: Yup. She's **Rebecca**.

**Rebecca**: You're getting married.

**Serah**: Yes. Do you want to go? We have a ceremony and stuff.

**Rebecca**: Yeah!

**Claire**: I kinda invited them.

**Serah**: Great! The more the merrier!

**Yeul**: Does that mean more cake?

**Serah**: No. There's no need for more.

**Claire**: By the way, how did this place get renovated so fast?

**Yeul**: Magic...

**Claire**: ...

**Serah**: We foresaw **Snow **being destructive and wallpapered the house with a crazy amount of layers.

**Claire**: ...

**Serah**: Okay, not a crazy amount but the wallpaper here is fire-proof.

**Rebecca**: What do you want as a wedding gift?

**Serah**: Woah! That was rather straight forward.

**Yeul**: I'd like something like a vacuum cleaner.

**Claire**: Really?

**Yeul**: Yes.

**Serah**: Well, personally... I'd like a blender. The thing I'd do to fruits.

**Rebecca**: Uhh...

**Claire**: Don't worry about it. That's her "teaching" face.

**Yeul**: I hear the kids call you "Meanie **Miss Farron**".

**Serah**: My sis is right here and I'm the mean one.

**Claire**: What do you do to kids?

**Serah**: Enforce strict lectures on even numbered dates.

**Rebecca**: What?

**Yeul**: Eh?

**Serah**: This is what I don't understand! What's so hard about statistical mechanics?

**Claire**: Considering they're at the age where the most they know is their six times table.

**Serah**: Don't think you weren''t hard on me. I'm just passing on your teaching methods.

**Claire**: Hard on you? I had to ask you to wear your pants every lesson we had.

**Rebecca**: Hee hee.

**Claire**: Anyway, where's the two guys?

**Yeul**: **Noel **and **Snow **are doing what vintners normally do.

**Serah**: In any case, you gonna stand there or you gonna help out?

All the way through till the evening, we spent helping with cleaning the kitchen since I really wasn't good with a stove and **Rebecca **was to young to work the grill. The men didn't come back even after dinner so we packed the leftovers and headed back.

By the time we reached the inn, **Rebecca **was walking with one eye open. She was seriously struggling with trying to keep her eyes open. I had **Rebecca **sit at the inn's waiting room and took the leftovers to the dining hall before carrying her up to her room.

**Owen **was thankfully in the room to take care of sleepy **Rebecca**. I said my goodnights and turned in for the night...

-_**END OF DAY 2**_-

**Fang**: Morning sweetie.

**Claire**: Wha...

**Fang**: Hmm... Surprised?

**Vanille**: **Fang**! Get out of **Claire's **bed!

**Claire**: Bed?

My view of the world turned from groggy to clear once I realized that I was still in bed and feeling a strange weight on my bed. A faint whiff of a familiar scent, a heavy scent but it feels like testosterone.

**Owen**: Wow. She's really okay with you hanging around her, huh.

**Claire**: What the!

-_**Claire **__throws the table lamp hitting __**Owen **__in the head_-

**Vanille**: Woah!

**Fang**: Barely enough time to register the target but once you got up, you got him straight in the head.

I learned later that **Fang **and **Vanille **came in yesterday and helped around with **Sazh**. Obviously, they met **Owen **and cooked up a plan to surprise me. I don't think **Vanille **was that into it. In any case, **Owen **wasn't hurt too badly... somehow.

**Owen**: I know you all call her **Fang **but yesterday, you introduce yourself to me as "**Zanna**".

**Vanille**: Ah. Well, **Fang **is a nickname.

**Owen**: Like **Lightning **for **Claire**?

**Vanille**: Yeah.

**Rebecca**: Your hair is so nice. **Fang's **one is messy.

**Fang**: Hey!

**Claire**: Don't disagree with her. **Vanille **makes an effort everyday. How often do you care for your hair?

**Fang**: More than I expected, less than I hope.

**Vanille**: Just say once a day, **Fang**.

**Fang**: No! I will not be pushed into a corner where everybody picks on my hair!

**Rebecca**: It makes you look like a surfer.

**Owen**: Yeah... it does.

**Vanille**: See! Compliments!

**Claire**: So what's the plan for today?

**Vanille**: I wanna see the birthday girl!

**Fang**: That's true... haven't seen **Serah **since forever!

**Owen**: I promise **Sazh **that I'll help him today too.

**Rebecca**: I wanna see **Serah **again!

**Claire**: Sounds resonable. Do you mind if your daughter hang around these two?

**Owen**: I don't mind if you're going with them.

**Claire**: I'll actually need to check up on **Sazh **personally. Making sure he doesn't mess the reception.

**Owen**: I could do that for you.

**Claire**: No. It's okay. I really want to check on it.

**Vanille**: Then it settles! Birthday!

**Fang**: It's a wedding.

**Vanille**: Oh?

**Rebecca**: Hee hee.

**Owen**: Seems like **Vanille **is gonna be a handful.

We stayed in until lunch with **Hope **not appearing at all. Wondered whether he actually ate at all since he came.

On the way, **Owen **explained that it was an outdoor wedding

**Owen**: That means short dress!

-_**Claire **__punches __**Owen **__in the face_-

But I could understand what he meant. There could be a risk of the hem dragging along the dirt. I hope the dress wouldn't be too short a dress... a summer dress would suffice.

**Owen**: I didn't know you were this violent!

**Claire**: Sorry... habit.

**Owen**: What!? A habit? How would you pick up punching people as a habit?

**Claire**: I used to work with an idiot.

**Owen**: Huh...

**Claire**: **Rebecca **told me yesterday that you were a teacher but you go overseas quite regularly.

**Owen**: A teacher... I guess I could put it down to that. When I'm around it's mostly literature but when I go overseas, I'm a safety training operator or at least help around taking stock of their... cache.

**Claire**: Does **Rebecca **know about that?

**Owen**: Trying to keep her away from that. Better for her to know I just teach.

**Claire**: I see... How much further?

**Owen**: See the white tent?

**Claire**: It's being held there? Actually possible to walk to it. I wonder how **Serah **and **Snow **will arrive?

**Owen**: Open-air coach.

**Claire**: A bus?

**Owen**: Nope. The old-fashioned one with horses. I suggested using the scooter **Sazh **bought but the horses have apparently been waiting weeks for their moment.

I just went with it. He probably thought I didn't get the joke.

At the tent, we found **Sazh **supervising some people who were setting up the tables. Hired hand laying the tablecloth and finishing up with a bouquet on each table. He was a lot more competant than I gave him credit for.

**Owen**: **Sazh**! Here again. Brought **Claire **with me.

**Sazh**: Worried that **Sazh **here would muck up your dear sister's wedding, huh?

**Claire**: I actually was, until now. Great job with everything here. It's all in place and clean. Who's catering?

**Sazh**: **Noel **and **Yeul **got that covered.

**Claire**: I can trust **Noel**. But doesn't **Yeul **seem a bit... off.

**Sazh**: She's handling the cake.

**Claire**: Oh. Okay then.

**Sazh**: Since you and **Owen **are here, mind doing the decoration for the corners? They kinda look bare.

I wasn't really any good at decor... actually I can't really care. But **Owen **assured me that he'll be doing most of the decor. I just put tape on things and pass it to him.

**Owen**: Can I ask a question?

**Claire**: Umm... yeah, sure.

**Owen**: Is **Zanna **and **Vanille **like... "together"?

**Claire**: **Zanna**? Oh! You mean **Fang**? No, at least I don't think so.

**Owen**: And why is she called **Fang**? A fan of vampires?

**Claire**: **Vanille **would know more about that than anyone. They kinda came in a package when we first met.

**Owen**: So they're sisterly?

**Claire**: Yeah.

**Owen**: I guess I could see that. **Vanille **seems very child-like to be hanging around **Zanna**.

**Claire**: Opposites attract.

**Owen**: Are the bride and groom opposites?

**Claire**: Not as extreme. But they make it work. I actually wonder whether I could ask you something?

**Owen**: Shoot.

**Claire**: Where's your wife?

**Owen**: Long gone.

**Claire**: I'm sorry.

**Owen**: Don't be. I've got **Rebecca **to remember her by. Like how **Sazh **has **Dajh**.

**Claire**: Where is **Dajh **anyway?

**Owen**: Sleeping in for today. Having lunch with that kid you complained about on the phone.

I tried thinking back on when I made a phone call to discuss about **Hope**. Then I remembered. The first day I was here and **Serah **called.

**Owen**: Are you and your sister alike?

**Claire**: Nope. As different as physically possible.

**Owen**: What? One of you can cook better than the other?

**Claire**: Yeah. Never understood why just having steak is bad for you.

**Owen**: I see...

**Claire**: You're judging me, aren't you?

**Owen**: No! No, I just never met a lady who'd go for steak so eagerly.

**Claire**: Well, **Fang's **the same.

**Owen**: She does seem a bit... rough. I don't think she'll look comfortable in a dress.

**Claire**: Never thought about that. Now I really can't wait for tomorrow.

**Fang**: Did I hear my name being uttered?

**Fang **came out from behind me with her arm across my shoulder. Couldn't say that I like the touchy. **Owen **stumbled backwards off his step-ladder so that was at least worth it.

**Claire**: I thought you'd be with **Vanille**?

**Fang**: Well, **Yeul **started baking muffins and **Vanille **and **Rebecca **went nuts for it. But its all good, **Serah **asked me to bring you guys your lunch.

**Sazh**: Sweet. Starting to get some rumbling down south.

**Fang**: Eww.

**Sazh**: You know I didn't mean that.

**Fang**: I know.

**Claire**: What's the food?

**Owen**: Is it steak? Cause I think that's the only thing **Claire **eats.

I gave **Owen **a jab on the shoulder for that tasteless joke.

**Fang**: Actually...

**Claire**: It's steak?!

**Fang**: Steak for lunch? Even I think that's a bit heavy.

**Claire**: Please don't say that it's salad.

**Owen**: Calm down. Let her finish telling us what it is.

**Fang**: It actually is steak.

**Claire**: Yes!

**Sazh**: **Serah **knows how to treat her sister well.

**Claire**: If you're just going to stand there, I'm going to eat your share.

**Sazh**: No ma'am.

**Fang**: There's enough here even for you, **Owen**.

**Owen**: I thinks that's more from **Rebecca **than your sister.

**Claire**: Dees goob.

**Fang**: Please don't eat with your mouth full.

**Owen**: I'll finish decorating this pillar then I'll join you guys.

**Sazh**: We can leave that for later. Cause I think **Claire **here is halfway through.

We all took a table to ourselves and had an enjoyable lunch eating **Serah's **home-grilled steaks, peppered so finely, cooked so evenly.

**Fang**: I guess now would be a good time to say that I'll be playing during the wedding.

**Claire**: What?

**Sazh**: When she came yesterday **Owen **thought she was a musician so he asked to hear a tune.

**Owen**: She told me she could play guitar. So one of the guys working here ran back to get his guitar and she played it amazingly.

**Fang**: It was a slow tune. Too suit the wedding theme of course.

**Claire**: Didn't know you could play. But if you're really playing, that means **Sazh **and **Owen **found it okay.

**Owen**: It was... touching. Didn't know the name of the tune though.

**Sazh**: Maybe you could play it for us?

**Fang **gave a little smirk as she got up and picked up a guitar from behind a table. After tuning the guitar and strumming a few times, she played. A song more familiar to **Serah**. Her favourite song.

**Fang **ended the song solemnly. Without any flair, she took the applause of the people working including **Sazh **and **Owen**. For a short moment I really wanted to cry. Like it just hit me, the future was uncertain but friends of old and those who are new, they are there for you. Making you remember how human you are... Don't even know what I was saying. The feeling was confusing, like I wanted to hold onto someone.

**Fang**: Something wrong with my performance?

**Claire**: Bringing up your sass again.

**Sazh**: Looks like someones been touched. You recognize it, right?

**Claire**: Yeah. **Serah's **favourite.

**Owen**: Still blur here.

**Fang**: Don't worry about it. Just hang back and enjoy the sultry tunes from yours truly.

Everybody started talking amongst themselves as we sat there. I didn't join in with whatever they were talking about. I stared, just stared at nothing. I don't remember for how long but I only shook out of it after **Owen **shook me awake.

He didn't say a word. He just helped me up and walked with me to where **Sazh **and **Fang **were waiting for us. I really was thankful for these people.

-_**END OF DAY 3**_-

-**THE WEDDING**-

**Claire**: It's like wearing Midnight Muave all over again.

**Hope**: I think it looks great on you still, though.

**Claire**: Are you saying that I got fat?

**Hope**: No! Don't kill me.

**Claire**: Joking. It's a happy occasion.

**Hope**: Whew. Well, when you're done, we'll be downstairs waiting for you.

**Claire**: You'll be waiting for **Fang **longer than me.

**Hope**: She'll put on a towel and she'll call it a dress. You on the otherhand, actually can make a dress work.

I gave a smirk back and watched **Hope **go out the door. I turned to look at myself in the mirror.

**Claire**: Hmm...

Today... my sister gets married.

**NOTE: this story right here folks. Truthfully, don't know how wedding even works. But I'm sure you guys know how weddings go... ceremony to reception. Maybe I'll make a reception part. Finally time to get some characters drunk! YEAH! I'm sure some people who finished the 3rd game could recognize the beginning part... Apologize for making this too long. And thanks to everyone who stuck out this long with me and FFXIII cast review. Rest assured that I'll still be doing this (once I get a topic) but till then. Some things in life you just do!**


	36. Chapter 36: Hataraku Maou-sama!

**Well, here's the slight continuation of the last story. Nothing much to say except LET'S GET DRUNK! FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Hataraku Maou-sama!**

**Serah**: AFTER PARTY!

**Lightning**: Woo.

**Noel**: I can see that at least **Light **is hype.

**Yeul**: The lack of cake here is disturbing... I feel the foundations of this biulding failing under me as we continue parading in such fashion.

**Vanille**: You're sitting on a bean bag.

**Yeul**: ...So it seems.

**Snow**: She surprised me with her... attitude to things.

**Sazh**: I think none of us knew other than **Noel**.

**Noel**: Nah. Took me by surprise too.

**Snow**: You seem chilled.

**Noel**: You could say I'm used to it.

**Fang**: What do we have planned today?

-_**Lumina **__teleports in_-

**Lumina**: Gee! Thank you for leaving me behind and having this party!

**Sazh**: That sounds like sarcasm.

**Lightning**: It IS sarcasm.

**Yeul**: Did you bring cake?

**Lumina**: Why would I even... -_deep breath_- No. I did not bring cake.

**Yeul**: That means you have pie.

**Lumina**: No I don't!

-_**Yeul **__slumps in her bean bag chair_-

**Noel**: That'll keep her quiet but now if she needs to go anywhere, I'll have to carry her.

**Vanille**: So what's with the envelope? Dowry?

**Lumina**: Dowry? No... It's the next review-thingy from **Director**.

-_**Lumina **__opens the envelope and passes it around_-

**Fang**: Oh! Yeah, I remember this.

**Vanille**: That show was hilarious!

**Lightning**: Where's **Hope**?

**Yeul**: He's under the bean bag chair.

-_**Hope **__is under the bean bag chair_-

**Lightning**: As long as he's away from my undies.

**Serah**: What?

**Sazh**: She said "As long as he's awa..."

**Serah**: I know what she said!

**Sazh**: -Then why do you ask "what"?-

**Serah**: What?

**Lumina**: Can we get back to this?

**Noel**: We should. But after I find cake.

**Yeul**: DID SOMEONE SAY CAKE.

**Fang**: No. They said "cane".

**Yeul**: Oh.

-_**Yeul **__slumps in her bean bag chair_-

**Fang**: Let's keep her out of this for now.

**Noel**: But she can add an air of sophistication.

**Fang**: No. She can't.

**Vanille**: She looks tired.

**Snow**: Damn dude.

**Lumina**: Back to order, please.

**Sazh**: If you need a drink, I got red wine or... white wine.

-_**Lumina **__chugs both down_-

**Lightning**: Whoa.

**Snow**: That's not gonna be good.

**Lightning**: Yeah. Especially since it's going to affect me too.

**Serah**: How so... wait, nevermind.

**Lumina**: Okay... Today, we're reviewing Hataraku Maou-sama! Exclamation optional. Anyway, Hataraku Maou-sama is the standard story of good versus evil of a fantasy world that spills out into the real world. But what's unique about this is that the story follows the "villain" and I use the word "villain" loosely.

**Sazh**: I actually didn't get to watch much other than reruns of 'Friends'.

**Noel**: The story is actually pretty good. Manage to watch all 13 episodes but it feels like they left it hanging at the end. And now I expect a season 2.

**Lumina**: Definitely a unresolved ending but its one of those anime with their manga still on-going.

**Fang**: Like Attack on Titan?

**Lumina**: Yeah. Well, Hataraku Maou-sama first started as a light novel written by Satoshi Wagahara and with illustrations drawn by Oniku. Of course, it spawned 2 manga adaptation in 2012 and an anime in 2013.

**Lightning**: It's bound to be longer thann... it just 13 episoodes...

**Vanille**: She's getting slurry...

**Snow**: Okay. It's in Japanese, right? What does 'Hataraku Maou-sama' mean?

**Serah**: Didn't I explain it to you?

**Snow**: You asked me to just watch and infere what it means from the episodes. All I got was that the Demon lord works at an expy of Mcdonalds.

**Serah**: There you go. You answered your own question.

**Sazh**: It's a show where Satan works at Mcdonalds?

**Vanille**: And the hero that was meant to defeat him works at a call center.

**Snow**: It's definitely better than it sounds.

**Noel**: Humor before, during and after battles really stand out as somthing to look out for in each episodes.

**Serah**: And even if there's no battles, it's pretty hilarious to watch them go about with their lives.

**Lightning**: No ones talking 'bout stoory development.

**Lumina**: Right! Okay... anybody enjoyed the way the story paced itself?

**Vanille**: It had some strange time skips. The most obvious one would be the time between the first time they arrived until the show started proper and showed the hero.

**Snow**: It didn't ruin the story much but if a person was trying to chronologically place the timeline, they would find it kinda hard.

**Noel**: I think near the end, someone claim to say it's been at least a year.

**Fang**: Episode 13?

**Noel**: I think so. Gotta rewatch it if I really need to know.

**Lumina**: Okay. So the time skipping in between some episode wasn't distracting to some while others found it confusing.

**Snow**: I wasn't confused!

**Lightning**: Heeb so suhre about ittit.

**Sazh**: And here I was raking my brain thinking why little **Lumina **still sitting straight.

**Lightning**: Howb tis makde secens? Fug me.

**Serah**: Are you gonna be okay for the rest of this?

**Lightning**: Uhmp.

**Noel**: Someone get the vomit bucket!

-_**Lightning **__receives Vomit Bucket_-

**Lumina**: I don't feel as woozy as **Light**.

**Serah**: Well, You are the "Party-side".

**Vanille**: Woo! Party time!

**Fang**: I'll see whether the DJ has anything resembling disco.

-_**Fang **__goes off to discover Disco_-

**Lumina**: It's gonna be hard to continue with this if everyone keeps disappearing.

**Sazh**: We can use **Yeul**.

**Noel**: I'd advise against it.

**Snow**: How 'bout waking **Hope **up?

**Lightning**: No.

**Serah**: Come on now... He really can't be that bad.

**Lightning**: **Snodw **lhook in jour drwawhers?

**Serah**: I don't think so. He does the washing in the house though. So he obviously should have seen them.

**Vanille**: Pervy.

**Snow**: It's washing! Just washing!

**Lumina**: Let's try to continue on regardless.

**Sazh**: Right... This was made in 2013, right? How does the animation whole up?

**Serah**: It holds up like how something in 2013 would hold up.

**Snow**: It's smooth and fluid and the sounds match up with the action on screen.

**Vanille**: You haven't watch much anime from this century, have you?

**Sazh**: Nope. Just "Friends".

**Noel**: Cereally?

**Lightning**: Hupmh!

-_**Lightning **__vomits_-

**Uhh... that will have to do. Here's hoping that Lightning recovers for the next one. Can't believe I'm writing this down from China of all places! But why I'm here is for me to know and for you guys to never find out! HA HA HA HA. There's no Youtube or Facebook here... I AM SADDENED. Just rewatching LuckyStar all over again though, so it's not so bad. Not used to colder climates, but it's not so bad. Finding out I'll be here and missing the PS3 and PS4. ;_; . Also for that fella who wanted the Bravery Default review, I APOLOGIZE! cause I don't have a 3DS... Farewell for now!**


	37. Chapter 37: Ground Zero

**La-li-lu-le-lo, La-li-lu-le-lo... The Patriot system accepts reso...**

**Hello again people! Today, a sneaky little thing crept up and shove itself into my head, by the way, if I set up a youtube channel, how many of you guys would be interested? Also, what should I put up? Well, nevermind about that right now... really can't explain much about todays story cause it'll be spoiling the review. So here goes! FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Metal Gear Solid 5: Ground Zero**

**Snow**: Metal Gear! It's Metal Gear today!

**Fang**: Hey, calm down! Hype much?

**Snow**: Hype? It's Metal Gear. Of course I'm hype! Why'd you think I had a bandana on my head when we first met?

**Sazh**: I've been wondering about that. What happened to it anyway?

**Snow**: Just tucked it in my pocket. Realized that I really wasn't the sneaky-type.

**Lumina**: So, Ground Zero... A showcase of the new FoxEngine in what many people will call a prologue demo. This one follows the story of Big Boss after the events of Peace Walker.

**Lightning**: That part at the end... After I build up the Mother Base. Every single soldier I spent days to train. Every military vehicle I acquired week after week! It was everything I build from scratch!

-_**Lightning **__starts crying_-

**Serah**: There, there. -_pats Light's back_-

**Lightning**: I had 200 hours on that!

**Noel**: It's amazing how people get so attached to a game.

**Lightning**: 200 fugging hours!

-_Tosses __**Noel **__out the balcony_-

**Hope**: Woah.

**Vanille**: Now nobody is safe.

**Lumina**: Well, the most interesting thing about the new MGS is that instead of the linear playstyle of the previous games, we get to choose how to go about completing a mission.

**Fang**: Like how? Going silent compared to being loud?

**Snow**: Take Ground Zero as an example. At one point, you need to enter a more guarded area and you get two different way to get in silently. Some guys might simply sneak in but if you know where to go or what to do, there is another way in using a truck.

**Lightning**: I shot everyone.

**Fang**: That's the soldier girl I know!

**Lumina**: Also, considering that there's a scoring system, there might be more side missions to complete in the Phantom Pain when it comes out.

**Snow**: Oh! Hey, **Light**. Internet says you'll have Mother Base back in Phantom Pain.

**Lightning**: I can have Aardvark back!

**Serah**: Yeah. You can have him back...

**Hope**: Actually, it probably a diff...

-_**Hope **__gets tackled by __**Snow**_-

**Hope**: My back!

**Sazh**: Is that why there's other POW in the game we could choose to rescue?

**Snow**: I guess.

**Lumina**: Well, with a huge open world to explore planned for Phantom Pain, the gameplay for MGS5 had to be revamp to keep up and one of the more obvious addition was entering "bullet-time" if you get spotted.

**Lightning**: The combat roll got replaced with a dive and we got a sprint too.

**Lumina**: Probably to compensate for the open world. Actually, I think this is the first time the player could choose to commandeer a vehicle.

**Snow**: There was an APC near the base. Great part about it was that the enemy didn't realize I was in it until I started shooting at them.

**Fang**: So the AI relies on sight?

**Snow**: I guess so. I don't think anybody saw me get in it.

**Lumina**: We should continue talking about the AI while we're at it. Metal Gear has always amaze with their AI and this one does not disappoint. One impressive feature is that the enemy will continue scanning the surrounding area for you if spotted, even going over the dark alleys but if you leave that area, there wouldn't find you.

**Fang**: That sounds like they'll be easy to fool.

**Hope**: They probably assume the player doesn't know the area very well and resort to running around blindly.

**Snow**: Uhh. Yeah. That reason...

**Lightning**: They feel like chumps.

**Vanille**: I got confused at "Aarvadark". Is that a kind of beaver?

**Fang**: Nobody say anything!

**Serah**: ... Why?

**Vanille**: See, when you say aarvadark you say it enough times and you start to realize that aarvadark starts with "a" and of course coming after that, especially in the alphabet, is the letter "b" and when it comes up, you immediatly trail off to beaver, right?

**Fang**: Urgh...

-_**Fang **__has died_-

**Fang**: Still here!

-_I apologize_-

**Vanille**: Also, why is aarvadark spelled with two "a's" cause I think that might boink it up to the first word in the dictionary. Does anybody have a dictio... Chuu -_**Vanille **__falls asleep_-

**Snake**: Kept you waiting, huh?

**Lumina**: Where the hell did you come from? And **Snow**! Stop squelling!

**Snow**: But it's Snake! It's Sna -_Gets tranq_- keee... -_**Snow **__falls asleep_-

**Serah**: **Snow**!

**Lumina**: Stop taking out the Cast!

**Lightning**: **Sazh **just booked it.

**Lumina**: GODDAMNIT!

**Well, there's MGS Ground Zero according to the Cast. I know most people would be wondering whether the price tag was really worth it... to make it simple, it really depends on whether you're a huge fan or not. If not , you can just watch other people play it you'll get the story. But of course you'll be missing out on the magic of playing it for yourselves. That'll have to do for now. Till the next time, seeya!**


	38. Chapter 38: Persona 4 Golden

**Taidama! Sorry about the gratuitous Japanese there but I just had to try it out! ;P God I hate myself sometimes... I don't know if it's a skill worth keeping but I can facepalm quite well. Yeah... thought so. Anyway, enough about me cause the cast is back to their ground-floor studio and... when did I write in that balcony? Or has it always been there? Pfft. Let's leave the open-air concept there as FFXIII Cast Reviews: **

**Persona 4 Golden**

**Lightning**: Why hasn't anyone fix this?

**Lumina**: What? The huge gaping hole where a window might be?

**Lightning**: You're making fun of me again, aren't 'cha?

**Lumina**: Perish the thought.

**Serah**: Now now. I got tea for everyone!

**Vanille**: Swi Langken!

**Snow**: Can I get a jug of that?

**Fang**: Damn it, **Snow**! I was the one who was supposed to drink from a jug!

**Serah**: Nobody is drinking from a jug!

**Hope**: I think if they could hold their pinkie out while they're chugging the tea, so to speak, we should just let them.

**Sazh**: And see who spills it first.

_-__**Hope **__and __**Sazh **__high-fives-_

**Lightning**: Do that again and I'll rip both your arms off.

**Noel**: I will never understand you people.

_-__**Snow **__and __**Fang **__begin their "Hold-a-jug-of-tea-while-holding-a-pinkie-out" challenge-_

**Serah**: You don't really have to do this, **Snow**.

**Snow**: My pride as a man demands it!

**Vanille**: And its kinda dumb for you to this kind of things, **Fang**.

**Fang**: My honor as a woman demands it!

_-__**Hope **__and __**Sazh **__high-fives-_

**Lightning**: -_DEATH STARE_-

_-__**Hope **__and __**Sazh **__high-fives under the table-_

**Lumina**: Right then... Persona 4 is a JRPG mix in with a little school life sim.

**Sazh**: Sim?

**Lumina**: Simulator.

**Serah**: School? Ugh.

**Noel**: Not liking school I see.

**Serah**: I worked hard to get to a Eden University but had to teach kids everyday instead. Of course I'd get sick of it.

**Hope**: How 'bout teaching me?

**Lightning**: No.

**Vanille**: Can I be taught by **Serah**?

**Lightning**: Yes. Because you are blissfully ignorant.

**Vanille**: Hmm. I feel like I got made fun of.

**Lumina**: So, about Persona 4... It's a JRPG with a slight school sim.

**Lightning**: Yeah... so?

**Lumina**: Did I mention that it's a story with MURDER.

**Vanille**: Like Scooby-Doo?

**Noel**: I don't think Scooby-Doo had murders.

**Vanille**: Oh, you might be right.

**Lightning**: So, who dies?

**Hope**: You should play the game if you want to know that.

**Lightning**: Give me your Vita.

**Hope**: What?

**Lightning**: Vita. Give. Now.

**Hope**: B... But I'm still using it!

**Snow**: You can use mine.

_-__**Snow **__hands over a Vita and drops his jug-_

**Fang**: Victory!

**Lumina**: Now that **Light **is being distracted, Persona 4 was made by Atlus who also created the Shin Megami Tensei games that are huge in Japan! Their most famous work thus far has been Persona 3 for pretty much introducing the whole series to the West.

**Fang**: So why is the game "Golden" other than the bright-yellow color scheme?

**Serah**: It's an updated re-release.

**Sazh**: You mean like those games that have "Greatest Hits" attached.

**Serah**: Yeah.

**Noel**: But the vanilla game never had DLC...

**Vanille**: So it's updated instead of a mix of the game plus DLCs, am I right?

**Serah**: Yes.

**Snow**: I like the yellow.

**Hope**: The songs for it are kinda happy sounding despite having murder. Pop art in yellow helps set the mood too.

**Lightning**: I think you mean "trippy".

_-__**Lightning **__points at Vita screen-_

**Lumina**: I don't think that's gonna help anybody reading this. Well, for those impaired or interested, just search for "Persona 4 Golden: Opening Movie" and thank you Atlus!

**Hope**: Just to point out, just go through the whole OST for it. Each and every song is delicious.

**Serah**: And if you don't have the cash, there's the "Persona 4: The Animation" you could watch instead. It's all there story-wise with a little bit more.

**Noel**: Or if you're really pressed for time, "Two Best Sisters Play - Persona 4" is just eight minutes long.

**Lightning**: Doesn't stop it from being trippy.

**Lumina**: Don't say that. Having Persona is kinda like you guys having your summons. When you guys feel down and have to face your flaws.

**Fang**: How?

**Hope**: Oh yeah! **Noel **wouldn't feel it but... PERSONA!

_-__**Hope **__summons __**Alexander**__-_

**Noel**: Oh... That's not fair.

**Serah**: Same here!

**Vanille**: I don't get it. But... PERSONA!

_-__**Vanille **__summons __**Hecatoncheir**__-_

**Vanille**: **Hecaton**!

**Hecaton**: A gu.

**Lumina**: I should explain.

**Sazh**: Yeah, please do.

**Lumina**: Persona takes the ideas of Carl Jung called "Jungian Psychlogy" in the game.

**Serah**: More well-known as Analytical Psychology.

**Snow**: Ugh. Big words. Wake me up when its over.

**Lumina**: Okay... Basically what Persona took was everybody has 3 different psyche; the ego, the personal unconscious and the collective unconscious. The ego represents the mind that we're aware about, while the personal unconscious contains memories, including those that have been suppressed. And the collective unconscious is a unique component in that Carl Jung believed that this part of the psyche contains knowledge and experiences we share as a species.

**Fang**: Collective unconscious... Like being decent in public and knowing that killing is wrong?

**Lumina**: I guess so. Truthfully, I'm reading this off the cue cards. Anyway, each of these make up an "archtype" that's from the collective unconscious but Persona 4 in particular took two out of the four major archtype; the shadow and the persona.

**Sazh**: I'm guessing the shadow is the side that we hide from people. Our deepest darkest desire, not showing weakness, our wild instinct and maybe even flaws?

**Serah**: Wow! Is that true?

**Lumina**: Close enough. Well, the persona is how we present ourselves. The word itself means "mask". It might refer to how we have different "social mask".

**Vanille**: I don't get it.

**Hope**: Take **Lightning **as an example.

**Lightning**: What? Was I needed?

**Hope**: She acts aggressive if she's only in **Snow's **presence. But in front **Serah**, she's more coy and worry-like. And in front of all of us, she's... like this.

**Lumina**: In-game however, overcoming the shadow turns it into a persona.

**Fang**: Does that mean they're willing to show their flaws publicly?

**Lumina**: Yeah. I guess.

**Vanille**: Words... are we done?

**Lumina**: Yup.

**Serah**: **Snow**. Wake up!

**Snow**: Leave me alone, mom!

**Noel**: Wow. He is in deep.

**Sazh**: All this talk about psychology and we haven't even touch the gameplay.

**Lumina**: Alright, gameplay-wise, the game can be split into two sections. The Dungeon-crawling RPG section and the School Dating Sim section. The dungeon-crawling is fairly simple, get from the entrance to the last floor of the dungeon where you fight a boss!

**Vanille**: Sounds like the time we fought through the airship where we all first met.

**Fang**: That place wasn't dungeon-ny at all.

**Hope**: Still technically a dungeon.

**Lumina**: The school sim is a bit harder to explain. To get down to it, the main characters are all still in high school so they have to balance that with their dungeon-crawling.

**Sazh**: So what's the point of going to school?

**Noel**: The more you interact with your team mates, the more skills their Persona knows.

**Serah**: Sometimes you need to have a certain level in personal skills to continue in helping your team mates level up.

**Vanille**: Personal skills? Like eating?

**Serah**: Close. More like having Understanding of your limits, Knowledge to control your pace. Courage to face it head on, and the Diligence to persevere! That is what it takes to conquer the Super Beef Bowl Challenge!

_-Everybody stares at __**Serah**__-_

**Serah**: Sorry. Got to into it.

**Lightning**: Finally!

_-Everybody stares at __**Lightning**__-_

**Lightning**: Sorry. Finally got to the first dungeon.

**Noel**: So soon? You're skipping the story, aren't you?

**Fang**: I don't think she cares much for interacting with others.

**Vanille**: Have our hardships together taught you anything?

**Sazh**: Soldier girl needs a refresher.

**Serah**: Umm... Sis, you do know that there's multiple choice questions in there, right?

**Lightning**: Just keep picking the first choice. It should be okay.

**Lumina**: Well evrybody watching, we've gone overboard with psychology this episode so we're all pooped out!

**Snow**: Get bent!

**That was Persona 4! Seriously, a really good game. Really had to tone down any spoiler like crazy until I realized that I didn't even mention the characters! Also, I apologize for the whole "Carl Jung" thing but it got me really interested, and now Friedrich Nietzsche... Don't take this wrongly, I can read a book about the Anthropic Principle as well as the next student but I still enjoy a good Playboy at times. Okay, too much knowledge about me for today. Till next time, I am thou, and thou art I. From the sea of thy soul, I come...**

**SELF-PROMOTING: This was supposed to be out before the Ground Zero review because... Ta-daa! I have a Youtube channel (Search "GreatKabooz")! Okay, a little forceful but please visit my channel, leave a like if you enjoyed it and drop in a comment if you know me better for my writing or to give some friendly criticism. **


	39. Chapter 39: Silens Tumulosus

**Who loves me! Rhetorical question, please don't answer... Okay! So with E3 around the web and me psych up for The Evil Within, a little trip down memory lane for most of you! So let's sit back, drink tea and let the FFXIII Cast Review:**

**S... Tumulus**

**Hope**: Hello?

Hel**lo?** Hello. h**ell**oo _**hell**_

**Hope**: Are you guys playing tricks on me?

**Lumina**: Playing?

**Hope**: **Lumina**? Why is it pitch black in here?

-_The room is pitch black_-

H**e**e hee _**he**_

**Hope**: C'mon guys! This is not funny!

**Lumina**: Did you think you could fool nature?

Hi**sshi**ss **hi**ss iss _**is**_

**Hope**: Fine! I'm heading home!

-_**Hope **__leaves_-

_**dead**_

...

"Why am I the butt monkey?"

The hallway was nicely lit unlike that stupid studio. Already they had me play through Silent Hill but they had to make the recording session at ten at night! I was not paid enough to do that s

YOU

I felt a strong chill and in a blink the hallway lights were off and crystals were jutting out of random corners. This felt strange. I had a choice go back or go forward... I tried to look back at the studio door but the darkness took enough light to render sight useless. I needed to check.

one step forward please

This place did not feel safe. It was brighter but somehow more eerie like it was covered in a red mist. The hallway as well got wider and the doors were... strange. Either the knobs were covered with barb wire or the door itself look painted on.

"**Hope**?"

**Light**? That was **Light**! She's here!

When did stairs appear? A hole with stairs heading down... **Light's **voice came from down there. It wasn't going to be a choice. **Light **was somewhere in there and I need to find her... maybe she was with the others. I made my way down the steps with each foot barely uttering a sound. It got darker the further down I went.

A door. I had ran straight into it thanks to the pitch black and ran into the knob. I felt around for the knob and gave it a twist. The door felt stuck but a good strong tug opened it.

**Hope**.

**Lightning **was on top of me, her hand on my shoulder squeezing lightly. Her eyes were glaze over and I notice my breathing. It was heavy but with each breath bringing in the scent of **Lightning**, my face felt hotter. I moved my hands to her hips as she maneuvered on all four putting herself face to face with me.

She slip the cloth of her shoulder, baring her mesmerizing skin. She pulled it down lower until her cleavage was exposed. Now my heart was beati

...

**Lightning**: Okay. No more strip shows.

**Hope**: Wha?

-_**Vanille **__and __**Noel **__stare in horror_-

**Snow**: You really have some kind of imagination there.

**Vanille**: Eww...

**Serah**: Can we get back at hand now?

**Lumina**: We should but this wouldn't be fair if **Director **only played one of the many kinds that's out there.

**Yeul**: Umm. Why is the title slightly askew?

**Sazh**: Sorry bout that I ran out of letters. But it's pretty close, right?

**Lumina**: Well, Tumulus is Latin for Hill. So good job!

**Hope**: Wait!

**Yeul**: If you're looking for **Fang**, she's in the rest area sleeping cause you were too noisy.

**Hope**: No! Wait.

**Lightning**: What?

**Hope**: What the hell was I in?

**Lumina**: Well, we were waiting for you.

**Vanille**: But you were taking to long.

**Snow**: So **Light **suggested that she trick you into getting here faster.

**Lightning**: Yeah. Forgot that I killed a God and all that. So it should mean I'm all powerful. Bend time and all that hoop-la.

**Noel**: And then it got out of hand and you started rubbing yourself and taking your shirt off.

**Vanille**: I was into it but then I thought 'NO'.

**Lumina**: So can we count on this being a bust?

**Yeul**: Is a 'bust' a kind of cake?

**Okay folks! Done and up during E3. Really wish I was there but what can you do with 2 cents and a button. Well, this was suppose to be a review for Silent Hill but it would be a great injustice if I ever wrote it cause I've only played the 'Not-so-good-apparently' Silent Hill: Origins (Or Zero). But I found the game quite nice and spooky for a first-time Silent Hill player so sue me cause I enjoyed a mediocre game. And that's it for now! Waiting for EA UFC, Evil Within and all the news from E3. So till next time!**


	40. Chapter 40: PT

**There was news at GamesCom about P.T. by 7780s Studio... Being a person with a PS4, I asked the FFXIII Cast to review this "Almost-but-not-really-a-game" interactive trailer.**

**P.T. by 7780s Studio**

**Vanille**: I don't like this.

**Fang**: What is this game that scared my **Vanille**!

**Lumina**: It's called P.T. and it's not a game. It's a trailer.

**Lightning**: Where are the rest?

**Lumina**: They called saying that they want to be as far as possible from mentioning this trailer.

-_**Lumina **__gets a text_-

**Lumina**: And to be near a lot of people and lights.

**Fang**: Without Light there, it's going to be kinda dim.

**Lightning**: Oh ha ha ha HAH!

**Fang**: Thanks for laughing! Actually thought it was kinda lame.

-_**Vanille **__place her hands on __**Lightning's **__cheek_-

**Lumina**: Wha...

**Vanille**: I feel safer already.

-_**Vanille **__sits on __**Fang's **__lap_-

**Lightning**: If you're gonna sit on her, can you let go of my face?

**Vanille**: No. :D

**Lightning**: -_Sigh_- What's this game anyway?

**Fang**: Yea! How come I haven't touched it?

**Lumina**: Looks like the **Director **have soft spots for you.

**Vanille**: I think he's more scared of **Lightning **rather than having a soft spot. But for **Fang**... I don't know.

**Fang**: Ehh...

**Lightning**: How's the game?

**Vanille**: As a game? Hmm... It could be called "Hallways are Scary".

**Lumina**: Or "Shitting your pant is an understatement"

**Lightning**: That bad? Glad I didn't play it. Can't stand scary stuff.

**Fang**: News of the century!

-_**Lightning **__grabs __**Fang **__by her scarf_-

**Lightning**: If I hear this again from anybody but you, you die.

**Vanille**: This 7780s studio is poop.

**Lumina**: The maker actually doesn't care.

**Vanille**: Huh?

**Lumina**: I think he said that "If you don't want to continue playing through the game, so be it. We don't care. We are aiming for a game that will make you shit your pants."

**Lightning**: ...

**Lumina**: He also said that a limited edition will come with spare clothing... Probably a joke.

**Vanille**: Hey **Light**.

**Lightning**: Yes?

**Vanille**: Can we stay at your place tonight?

**Lightning**: Please yes.

2...

20...

204...

2046...

20468...

204683...

...

...

**Personal Thought... P.T. Is really creepy. How creepy? My Version:**

Wake up.

Go through only door. Listen to string of murders of radio station. Check two other _locked _doors

Go down hallway to **basement door.**

Door opens to similar hallway. No radio.

Go through **basement door**.

Go through hallway to a _**locked **_**basement door**.

Turn around. Go back. Door starts banging violently. I pause.

I return and turn to the **basement door **that opened.

Another hallway. The light is off a the corner of the hall. I walk past the door. It slams.

The **basement door **is _locked_ but now the slammed door is ajar. I peek in. I pause and swear to play this later when it's brighter outside.

few hours later...

It didn't help. I would have shit myself but I went before playing.

**And that's how scary it is! Hope I didn't cause Vanille any trauma but she gets to sleep with Fang and Lightning. Lucky her. Anyhow, In two months or so, Smash is out! And that puts my console count to PS3, PS4, PSVita and the Wii U! **


	41. Chapter 41: Free!

**I apologize for the repeated slow updates... so little games coming out for two months. I feel so slumpy. Replaying things doesn't seem to be helping so back to anime! This season seems extra amazing with the regular watchers of anime, but I'm going to review something a straight guy would probably have not done. With that, set yourself in the fetal position as FFXIII Cast Reviews:**

**Free!**

**Lightning**: What is this?

**Serah**: A bunch of half naked guys.

**Vanille**: Is Light actually even affected by things like that?

**Fang**: I think she saw **Snow **shirtless once. If I remember correctly, she didn't really seemed fazed.

**Serah**: **Snow **got almost naked in front off you? Lucky!

**Lightning**: He got banged up after falling of a building.

**Serah**: Oh dear. Did he die?

**Fang**. Wha...

**Lightning**: But enough about that. What is this? **Lumina**!

**Lumina**: It's half naked hot guys... what's not to like?

**Vanille**: I'd agree but **Fang **might tease me at looking at guys.

**Fang**: Yes. Yes I would.

**Serah**: So, why this?

**Lumina**: Well, it's either this or Boku no Pico.

**Serah**: Oh... Okay.

**Fang**: Wait, what's wrong with Boku no Pico?

**Lightning**: INTERWEB SEARCH!

_-__**Lightning **__runs off-_

**Serah**: She's going to be scarred for life now.

**Vanille**: Is it scary? I think **Light **said she can't do scary thing.

**Serah**: How'd you know that?

**Fang**: Something about last time we reviewed. Let's just leave it at that.

-_**Lightning **__jumps in through the window_-

**Fang**: Nice dynamic entry.

**Lightning**: **Hope's **crying in front of the internet.

**Vanille**: Wow. Why?

**Lightning**: He was using the computer so I asked him to look up that thing you said.

**Serah**: I am asking as your dear sister. Please do not look it up.

**Fang**: How bout us?

**Serah**: Knock yourselves out.

**Vanille**: Whee!

**Lumina**: I think I became a little bit more stupid.

**Lightning**: So, naked boys... hmm...

**Serah**: What'cha thinking?

**Lightning**: They'd make great soldiers with those physique.

**Vanille**: No fighting!

**Fang**: Although I gotta agree with **Light **here that their body is quite... something.

**Lumina**: Well, they swim and swimming builds muscles.

**Lightning**: I got God powers now so... muscles, meaningless.

**Fang**: Show off.

**Serah**: It's still a swimming show.

**Lumina**: Well, we can't speak for accuracy on swimming technique but as a slice of life kinda show? How does it hold up?

**Serah**: I like Gou! Nobody will take her from me!

**Lumina**: ...

**Lightning**: ...

**Fang**: ...

**Vanille**: Aww! That's not fair!

**Fang**: Do you know which one is Gou?

**Vanille**: The tall one? I like the tall one!

**Lightning**: Wait. Can I bring up something?

**Lumina**: Sure.

**Lightning**: This kid has pointy teeth.

**Fang**: I think you're talking about Rin.

**Lumina**: G...

**Serah**: GOU IS MINE!

**Lightning**: **Serah**, is everything okay?

**Lumina**: She trying to hide the fact that she likes all the gu...

_-__**Lumina **__is thrown out the window by __**Serah**__-_

**Fang**: :O

**Lightning**: :D

**Vanille**: They really are sisters. Well, If you really need to know, the show is simply amazing to look at and the music really sets the tone of the action on screen. The characters themselves are like the stereotypical female main characters of any other except in male form. You get the quiet one, the geeky, the genki, the sensible and I guess all of them could be the fanservice types too.

**Fang**: Did you just rant?

**Lightning**: Well, we now know **Vanille's **type. Non-existent anime boys.

**OH BURN! But really, what's wrong with that? I personally came into Free thinking like any other straight male but it opened my eyes. I now know I am definitely not gay. I kinda want gay friends... I think I had one try to kiss me but thankfully found another guy... Well, till next time!**


	42. An Appeal

**With the recent announcement of Resident Evil Revelation 2 at TGS 2014, longtime fan fovourite Claire Redfield returns after being missing in action in a canon Resident Evil game since Code Veronica. But what didn't return was the person who voiced Claire in all her iteration, Ms Alyson Court. Here is an appeal by Fang cause she... Let's say she connected with a character who takes care of a younger girl.**

**(This is an appeal dated at 27 September 2014.)**

**Bring back Alyson Court!**

**Hope**: Okay, so you just go up there and say your line. And if you want to show some skin, that would be great.

**Fang**: Look, I understand your feelings about this... whatever it is, but couldn't you have done this yourself?

**Hope**: Do you understand how ads work?

**Fang**: You show stuff and talk about it?

**Hope**: Yes! But a shirtless me won't attract as much as a shirtless you. So just stand ther and read what I gave you.

* * *

><p>-<em><strong>Fang <strong>__signs_-

**Fang**: I stand here today as a messenger, hoping to bring back a character that has been with us since her debut in 1998 as a young woman who rode to her faithful destiny on her chopper...

-_Facepalm_-

**Fang**: This woman wouldn't be so memorable if she didn't speak and for that, we have to thank Alyson Court for her voice, Claire Redfield... although Resident Evil was note worthy for it's narm, Claire stood out as someone who consistently showcased at least above average voice acting and it is evident as she has continued acting for Claire even up to Degeneration in 2008.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope<strong>: Brilliant! Couldn't have done it better myself!

**Fang**: Next time, you get naked.

**Short but wasn't really a review... Actually a lot of this really isn't reviews. just a lot of stupid and then an outro. Any, if you wanna bring back Alyson Court (Look her up, especially on Twitter... she's weird) go over to your favourite search engine and type in any combination of -" **_**Claire Redfield, Alyson Court**_** "- But remember that it'll be at ****or if you find that troublesome, My Twitter is at **_**Owen Nordin **_**and there should be a link up there... somewhere.**

**Well, till the next one, truthfully sitting in a slump with no cogs running. See ya!**


End file.
